For the second time, my work played second fiddle. It was replaced by someone else's work which, in my (biased) opinion, lacks the interest and creativity. I feel that this is unfair on my part. Here I am in the magazine committee contributing virtually nothing to the creation of a mini-magazine (not the prefects' magazine below) and my work goes unappreciated. How? By dragging it to the Recycle Bin icon and replaced with a "professional-looking" cover page.

I know my skills in Adobe Photoshop is not as good as the Prefect Head's skills, but I myself knew that mine wasn't on the border of terror either. We were staying back many days to rush through this magazine as it was to be sent to the printer the next day. With a blur leader heading the committee, I'm not surprised that the sudden urgency of finishing this magazine as the due date approaches suddenly surfaced. The committee members (with one absent) together with the Prefect Head (a.k.a. Boss) put their hands together and made the best effort in finishing the magazine on time.

I requested the Boss that I will do on the cover, and she nodded her head. My colleague and I then brainstormed for ideas (taking nearly an hour) before we got it. I was pleased that the outcome of the brainstorm was an ingenious and nifty-looking front cover, very sure that it would intrigue anyone holding the little magazine on his hand.

I thought the Boss would like it as I felt it was a unique idea. I know you guys are wondering why show it to her instead of the committee leader? He was blur and he did not know what was going on and apparently the Boss adopted the position of the committee leader during that dire situation. In other words, it was understood that the committee leader was "simply there to signify his presence" while all the real managing was done by the Boss. The thing I don't understand was why the leader wasn't lectured by her to get things running! (If I were in his position last year, boy, I would be fried instantly.)

So I explained the conception of the image to her. She nodded her head and moved on to the editor-cum-designer who she taught to use Adobe Illustrator (I don't know whether it was the appropriate program, but it did the trick) and gave in her general input and ideas on the overall magazine design.

She helped to do parts of the magazine while the editor and I were busy twiddling with our respective tasks. The other one went home while the lax leader was frolicking about. Anyway, after some time, after getting some input from the Boss and the other committee members, I finished designing the cover (I thought it looked interesting).

To my utter disbelief, she HATED it! Her stupid critic eye scanned fervently for mistakes in my art, i.e. it looked too "informal" for a magazine, inappropriate photos, bad layout etc. I was slightly peeved off by her critical remarks but I kept my cool as I knew I won't be doing any good. She then apologised and told me that she can't help but be a perfectionist when it comes to art and hence, the need to be critical, further hinting how much better she could do.

Goodness gracious! It's the last moment, sister! There's no more time to be a 'Little Miss Perfectionist'. Wasn't mine at least decent enough to pass off as a front cover for the mini magazine? At it was nearly time for me to go home, I told her that I could redo it and send the file via e-mail or Windows Live Messenger or something. She reminded me that the file would too big and there wouldn't be ample time to send over and her later editing it. I forgot to asked her that I could send the JPEG file but I don't think she'll like it. I even offered to do it myself at home and pass her the file tomorrow. She didn't want that.

I did not relent and asked her whether I can be of anymore assistance to her. I honestly disliked not contributing at least something to the magazine and my front cover wasn't a good enough guarantee as she might create a totally new cover and dispose of mine. She told me that I gave all the helped needed and requested me to go. After few more minutes of persuading for work (I think I was a fool to do that, I don't think anyone asks for that!), she told me to help unplug her pen drive from my workstation.

I took her reactions as her hint and begrudgingly, I left the dark computer laboratory, leaving her alone in her solitude and let the creative juice possess her entire body and create beautiful computer art that even Leonardo da Vinci bows down his head in shame! I'm so sorry, but I offered to redo my work if needed. She stingingly told me not to worry about anything and that she can do it herself. HERSELF! I'm not surprised if she stayed up until 2 a.m. just to finish doing my cover and the whole magazine. I thought she asked for it.

Coming from a pseudo-perfectionist, perfectionists like her drive people insane! I don't get why she could not accept the committee members' imperfect work and maybe help modify their work if she "cannot stand it". I mean, I sacrificed my time just to help create the magazine even though we were in the midst of tests. I sincerely contributed my full attention and interest to create that "crap" and this is what I get in return? Shoving all my work away to make way for the best work just because it's too imperfect? I even got the opinions from my fellow colleagues and they said it was alright (don't know whether it was a white lie or not).

The Boss is also my friend as well, and I know she did not mean to imply this, but she insulted my work in a way. I don't like people insulting my work when I take the trouble to ensure that it is of a good quality and dedicating my time into doing the tasks thoroughly. I don't mind constructive criticisms though, at least I know which areas need to be addressed and improved.

Her actions make it seem the whole magazine thing was a one-man show; she did mostly everything (besides the editor's work). And I feel that my colleagues, including the leader, do not deserve the credits at all, especially me since I did virtually nothing! My work appeared no where in the magazine.

In other words, my work goes unappreciated. I feel that my existence at that day was not needed. I could have stayed at home and do something relaxing or study Chemistry and increase my chances of getting better grades. Unfortunately, I have to do this redundant job!

I wish I could say this is my first time experiencing it, but this is not. In fact last year, the same thing happened. It's like deja vu all over again! Last year, the scenario was this: I procrastinated my presentation during an inter-school visit and in the end did an okay-ish presentation which is decent enough to be presented. Sadly, I was bombarded for doing it at the last minute and from the moment onwards, I hated my other Boss. The "replacement" presentation, on the other hand, was worse than mine! Ohhh! During the inter-school visit, I was anxious and scared to see the replacement, and when everything was over, I felt like punching the Boss's face! He wasted my effort and energy put into my better presentation.

This is so frustrating! I hate these sort of things to happen. Looking at the mini magazine I have on the table now, I am tempted to steal a lighter and burn into ashes, and pound and grind the ashes into bitsy dust which are then sent to the incinerator.

*sigh* Leaders... So hard to please. To make matters worse, some enslave their subjects and subject them under his tyrannical control, and some simply do all the work for their subjects whose existence may very well be eradicated.

P.S. Sorry for the sarcasms in this blog post.

Anyway, to go off topic, I won't be around this weekend as I have to cross the border for an excursion. I'll be back blogging on Monday or Tuesday. *grin*