I woke up this morning grumbling in frustration because I woke up pretty late. I promised myself that I would wake up earlier and immediately get my hands on my assignments. So, I stormed down the stairs to have my breakfast. One of the maids pissed me off when she wondered out aloud why I was looking for breakfast when I did not take away any pastries from the supermarket last night. I was at a different supermarket to shop for stationery! Naturally I didn't think about tomorrow's breakfast!

My mom saw me wearing a long face and she could not take it anymore. She blew up, and I received the worst lecture in my entire life.

I was so worried by my projects which I did last minute, it pressured me too much. I was unable to handle the pressure and this affects my entire being. I was paralyzed, because I realised how deep in the shit I was. I just cannot see how I am able to solve the problem! Despite how much I tried, I just could not finish it on time.

She began telling me off. She said that my attitude changed, from bad to worse. And she went on to say other bad traits she has found in me. I cried, and cried. I did not see how much of a bad person I have become over the years, especially to my parents, and to my family. I have been snubbing and ignoring them. And somehow, I became a worse person and without realizing it, I became a cold, ruthless stranger before my own eyes. I transformed.

I became a somebody who I did not like. I hate him. I hate myself.

Being a spoilt and ignorant brat at home, and acting nice, sweet, and kind to others... It shows that I am two-faced. I am an actor. I am a really good faker, showing people the sincerity which I did not show at home.

It's pretty ironic how you don't treat your loved ones and especially your parents the same love you shower to other people.

The point is that my mother just want me to stop wearing the black face and tell the whole world how much the pressure is gripping and strangling me, expecting sympathy and help from others. It affects the mood of people when they see me fuming. It's called being an inconsiderate wimp. I should have helped myself earlier by being a smart student and work on my assignments when Day 1 of the holidays began.

She began to wonder how on earth was I chosen to become a school prefect when I'm not even showing such a fine example to my little brother. She warned me that she will tell the teachers all of my negative traits if she catches me being like an ungrateful wretch again. I was really frightened. I didn't want that to happen.

After hearing all that she has to say, I only began to realize one thing. I have been my parents' disappointment. Even my dad shook his head and tries to calm my mom down, "It's no use. No matter how many times you tell him off, he will never even get it into his head!"

My mother commented, "You may be diligent. But your barbaric attitude sucks."

Throughout the whole time, I was crying and trying to comprehend the truth she jammed into my head. It hurts a lot. =( And it's all too true...

It was not until a long time that I gathered the strength to stop crying and I decided to do something. I took out a piece of paper and I wrote down the bad traits my mother had pointed out while adding some more I see fit to be in the list of about 15. I prayed to my gods, something I have not really done for a long time, begging for forgiveness and a chance a renew myself. I thanked them for making my mother lecture me which was a wake up call. I simply cannot go on living like a grouch.

I went to the verandah. I reread my list, try to take them into heart. Carefully, I pulled out a lighter and I burned it in front of my very eyes. It was really difficult to see the paper burning. My words, my bad qualities, slowly turning into ashes. I teared a little as I watched the list burn, but I know it's for my own good to turn over a new leaf. My heart ached when I see it slowly crumple into dust and ashes.

From that point onwards, I moved on to become someone better and to regain my old spirit. Otherwise, life will toy me around if I don't take charge of my own. There is a saying that goes "Charity begins at home". I don't know about charity, but it has to begin somewhere in myself and with my family.

Please, give me a chance a renew myself. I'll prove to you that I will do much more better than my current pathetic attempts of changing myself. The journey is tough, but I really must persevere. No more whining and no more feeling sorry for myself.

This blog post was not written to let you guys know of this. Its main intention was to serve as a reminder for me: The Sunday morning of June 24, 2007 marks a new journey to be a better man.

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2008 ASEAN PRE-UNIVERSITY SCHOLARSHIPS

We refer to your application for the above scholarship and regret to inform you that you have not been successful.

It hit me in the head. My mood instantly shattered, and I could hear in the distance the sound of a door slamming tight shut. The alternative path of my future has suddenly disappeared. I guess I'll be educated locally. I was sort of expecting it, but there was the glimmer of hope inside me when I saw the letter which was addressed to me. At least I did grab hold of the opportunity but I guess I'm not good enough. I can understand why: I did everything last minute, and too undeserving of the scholarship (and I broke a rule).

Wow, this is a major bummer! =( It's like a slap in the face.

From another point of view, this is a wake up call. I guess this is a lesson learned. Hopefully I will learn from it. I thank you guys for the support you gave to me and I am sorry for breaking this bad news to you. =(

On the other hand, wish me luck for the running race later. I am doubting my own abilities; it has been so long since I last exercised consistently.

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I finally plucked my courage and took the deep dive without caring for the world around me. The deadline to hand in the 'O' Level registration forms are looming closer and I simply had to do something. So I did. I went to see her, the Deputy Principal. After much discussion (or rather, a very pleasant informal conversation =) ), the outcome was this:

that frolicsome kid: "May I drop the subject?"
Deputy Principal: "Yes, you may."

Thank goodness she was able to see how much fifth formers have to juggle! Bless her! =D Even though admitting my mistake was the hardest step for me, she nodded her head in agreement and surprisingly, she was glad to hear that. She said that the school wanted me to achieve excellent results in my eight subjects, not to get mediocre results in nine. I think eight is more than enough; there's a lot more to life I want to see at this time. =)

Immediately stepping out of her office which I initially thought was claustrophobic and unwelcoming, I flew into a state of euphoria! My happiness and relief cannot be described in words, after all, it was as if a super big burden has been removed off me! Now I can finally concentrate and focus on my life and studies. I cannot believe this one big problem was a hindrance and a distraction in my life.

They say the first step is always the hardest. I agree. After overcoming it (i.e. fear), things can only get easier. =)

Now to settle up some other things, like handing up my O Levels registration form, completing my ASEAN scholarship form (yes, I was given the consent by my parents to try! =D), sending back the money order to the eBay buyer of which the sale of my item was unsuccessful since last month(charges incurred in banking in the cheque costs more than the book itself!), returning a book I borrowed last year (!) from my friend etc. Things are definitely looking up now! =)

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Today is such a joyful day, the bright sunshine brightening up my Friday today. Today's 1st of December, and NaNoWriMo is officially over. I'm really happy that I was able to end up with 50,056 words a few minutes shy of midnight today. I would like to share my NaNoWriMo experience with everyone, and tell you guys my testimony of it.

So, how did I do it?

Honestly, I have no idea myself. I just write spontaneously with a vague plan in my head, and that's it. I also let the story lead me.

I began writing my first 10,000 words during the first week of November, and I wrote my story casually with many pauses and some deep thinking. At the end of the week, I had to go off to Sabah for an excursion trip with fifteen other students which was organised by my teacher. When I came back, I realised I was a few thousand words away from the recommended goal, and I was feeling discouraged. As the days wore on, I watched in horror as the recommended word count goal increased and I was still stuck, roughly about 10,000 words behind. If only I knew I can make myself write 8000 words...

At the end of the two week hiatus, I could not stand not doing anything to my story and NaNoWriMo and I told myself, "Hey, I have written a good beginning to a story, why stop there and moan and groan about how I cannot reach 50,000 words?" So I decided to do something with it and began to pick up my story and continue it. I saw that it still wasn't too late to do catch-up. The total number of words still did not hit the expected word count though.

On the 25th, the NaNoWriMo website has opened to all the word-count verification for the 50k-ers to submit their story and officially claim themselves to be winners. That's when I panicked. I had completed 30% of my goal, and already people have reached the goal! I picked up my writing speed, but at that pace I was going, it still wasn't fast enough to reach the goal.

On the 27th, I took the deep plunge. I literally forced out the 8000 words from my very soul. And I did it! I actually did it! It was incredible, I tell you. It was a feat I never knew I can do it! But I did! Amazing.

And I tried again on the last 3 days. My brain juice was already fizzling out, and that didn't help when parts of my novel are also stagnating (they're mostly the transition parts in between the major scenes of Kinderella).

And I wrote, and I wrote, and I wrote. I participated in 30-minute word wars as well with fellow NaNo writers, as a form of motivation. And guess what? I found out I could type out 600-800 words per session, give or take. I wowed at my own hidden ability and potential.

And finally, at the last day, I wrote full-force and whammed, I slammed my own record. 9371 words in a day! That is really a lot for me. I was so overjoyed when I was able to hit 50,000 words by 11.50++ p.m.

In one word: Incredible.

I have to thank my school for closing down early for renovations, and thus have my holidays early. So I have spent part of my holidays writing out a novel. Yay, talk about being productive! Else, I won't even write at all!


What resources have I used when writing out Kinderella?

I really recommend you guys to buy this illustrated thesaurus from Usborne. It's called The Usborne Illustrated Thesaurus and what makes this thesaurus so different from others is that they contain lots of pictures that you know what it is but don't know how it's called. And they also group related words that belong to a certain category, e.g. dance words - boogie, bop, dart, glide etc.

See the sample page here and you'll be the judge.

I wish I read through and briefly study this book before my NaNoWriMo quest. Then I would have more or less some ideas to breath fresh words to dead, boring sentences. Anyway, this book is just amazing, it helped me a lot for NaNoWriMo. I suggest you buy it too, it's worth your every penny and it helps a lot in your writing.

I find myself constantly referring to Wikipedia when it comes to describing a certain event, a scene and even refresh my memory on the story of Cinderella.


What has motivated me to write 50,000 words?

A desktop looking like this:-



Word wars over at the NaNoWriMo forums and of course, you wonderful blog readers who pushed me and motivated me to write with your words of encouragements. Thank you so much guys! I couldn't do it without you!

Oh yes, and my little brother also played a part. He sneakily took a glance at what I was writing when I was downstairs for dinner. I then asked him for his honest opinion on my novel, and he told me it was "So good, man!" after hearing him saying "That is so lame!( =P )" etc. etc. etc.


Most importantly, did I learn anything out of NaNoWriMo?

Definitely! For one thing, I have gained the sheer experience of rushing against time and came up with an incredible number of words. It was unbelievable! And of course, I discovered that I CAN write. And also, I learned that procrastination was the main obstacle that has nearly caused my downfall, but I have risen against it and have beaten against all odds. I was hoping that NaNoWriMo could help me crush my bad habit of procrastinating. It did, but only a bit. But still, that's great.

Procrastination has its positive effects too, for me. When I decided to write, I realised that time was running short, and the deadline is pressing on me. Because I was placed under the pressure of finishing 50k words, I was able to write a lot more beyond my expectations and definitely well beyond my normal limit. I don't really like doing that though, the quality has suffered in favour of quantity. I find that the later chapters I have done is a little bit messy and "illogical". I need to edit them a bit before uploading them.

Oh yes, from writing so much and with the help of the thesaurus, I learned to make use of new vocabularies along the way and expanded my active vocabulary list. Writing out so many words also make me see that my current vocabulary still has room for expansion, and I will try over these holidays to broaden it.

I also learned a thing or two about describing fashion. Hahahaha! That's really cool.

I've made a mistake in the beginning of the novel though and that is skimping on the description of the main characters' appearances. How they look like, what are they wearing etc. The rest is pretty okay, I guess, at least I did convey their personality out. Self-reminder: describe first!

I have to go out to parties. No wonder I struggled pretty badly with the ballroom scenario. Hahaha!

Ever since experiencing NaNoWriMo, suddenly the 300-600 words compositions that I have to write in school seemed pretty little. And this is good news to me, it boosted my self-esteem a lot! And I wouldn't need to groan so much about the Royal Commonwealth Essay Competition which my English teacher would me to write an essay.

Through NaNoWriMo, my writing style has undergone minor/drastic changes. I don't know whether it's for good or for worse, but I know that I'm writing things a little bit differently now.


This is pretty much what I can think of at the moment to write. My brain is ultra-tired now after writing huge chunks of text the past five days. Sheer terror. But I'm glad I have done it. I feel like an accomplished man! Yahoo!

I shall put my novel aside for a few days and I'll pick it up whenever I am ready. Chapter 7 is found below this post, so check it out!

P.S. Congratulations to Happy and Blue 2 who consistently posted throughout the whole month of November in conjunction with NaBloPoMo. Great work! Take a look at all his November blog posts, starting from November 1st!

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