tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-331417442024-03-07T21:57:04.263+08:00Soliloquies exposed... (Feeds)that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.comBlogger143125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-35492246731775641132008-03-14T22:11:00.000+08:002008-03-14T22:12:08.892+08:00I might as well be a woman!My friend cheerily invited me to join her and some friends for salsa class. I was like, wow, seriously? I love to try out salsa and it is also a good opportunity to try out something new and get out of my comfort zone. I was looking forward to a phone call from my mom (she's overseas for now) so that I could tell her all about the exciting news. And guess what? The mom I love(d) dampened my spirits. More than dampened. She insulted me and put me down by asking very rudely, "Why on earth are you pursuing a woman's hobby?"<br /><br />I felt like I was slapped in the face. I defended myself by saying it will only be for six weeks, plus a few of my guy friends are joining as well, so I won't be the only miserable guy over there. She asked whether that is a ballroom dance or not. I agreed, and I was clinging on the hope that maybe she will let me join, because last time, our family loved to listening to karaoke romantic music and watching the couple ballroom dancing.<br /><br />And she picked on my weak point and attacked my femininity/masculinity. She believes my masculinity will be jeopardized if I were to learn salsa. She strongly believes that men who dances are gay, i.e. implying that I am gay, and my guy friends who are joining salsa, gays. I flared up! It isn't justifiable! I wanted to shout at her and knock on her head for being really stupid. I mean, in the 21st century, gender stereotypes are falling already. And she believes men into dancing are gay? Oh, GET A GRIP, MOM! Haven't you heard of hip hop dancing (which my little brother wants to do)? Or maybe dancing in rave parties? That's not gay at all. People are having fun, and that's the important thing.<br /><br />Why don't you want me to at least try out salsa and have fun, mom? Why are you so insecure about my, erm, "manliness" when I am perfectly fine with myself? Sure, I know I'm different from most guys, and I may be a bit feminine, but I can't change myself. It's who I am, and I'm perfectly comfortable with it. I just want to try it out and spend some time with friends, that is all! I have never done that before, and this is one of those opportunities which I can easily get. But thanks to you, it's now gone, and not only that, you've delivered a deadly blow to my self-esteem. Thanks so much!<br /><br />What image of me you conjured in your mind, can you please destroy it? I'm sorry, I just cannot meet your "expectations" of me anymore! You cannot interfere with my life anymore. If I am not dependent on you financially, I will, and I so will, take life into my own hands and do whatever I want with it. That is what I am doing now, and the CAS element of IB is giving me THE perfect excuse to stretch myself and get out of my "bubble". I'm sick, and tired, of being the nerdy nerdy nerd! I want a life. I NEED A LIFE!<br /><br />And I can't be bothered talking to you or my dad about anything else because you don't respect the activities which will define me. And you think by learning salsa, I turn gay. Sure, I'm glad you gave me the consent to stop piano classes. I'm happy for that. Nevertheless, you shouldn't control the activities I want to join and manipulate me like a puppet. Oh yes, you can join others but not salsa because it makes men like you gay, weak and pathetic. She even mentioned she is disgusted by men dancing like gays. Er, no! Not all dance like that. You should have been glad that I am not signing up for pole dancing! -.-"<br /><br />First, you slashed out at me for joining cooking class because cooking is for girls. You could not bear the thought of me joining yoga class, because "for men, it is too soft a sport". You wanted to question me about taking care of Dane, my autistic child, but when you hear the word "autistic", you kept quiet because you thought I was contributing to society. I dare not mention taking care of toddlers as well, otherwise you'd think I am training for motherhood.<br /><br />I wanted to learn cooking because I want to be self-sufficient when I am in university, and maybe save you some money! I want to learn yoga because yoga is as close as getting flexible as gymnastics, and my country does not have any public gymnastics class. I want to take care of children because my friends suggested me to, and I want to interact with young people and learn to connect with them.<br /><br />I do these things to benefit myself and be a balanced person with a life, not to prepare myself for a sex change. Do you get that? DO YOU GET THAT?<br /><br />No wonder I don't tell my parents things. I'm glad for that. It saves me a lot of embarrassment, and wear and tear. Go figure!that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-27459414814707736582008-03-10T22:36:00.000+08:002008-03-10T22:36:31.728+08:00Clear HeadI feel like I'm the luckiest man alive. I told my crush about my problems with my piano right now, and well, we just shared our piano horror stories and she told me why she is still doing it for the IB. She listened to my problems (and lame whines) attentively and she advised me on how to approach my piano teacher and tell her that I simply can do piano, at least for the time being. I'm just too overwhelmed by the sheer difficulty of Grade 8.<br /><br />From there, I confessed to her my other "hidden" talents and skills (I don't usually tell people these, because I don't want them to expect too much from me). She told me hers as well, as well as a secret of hers - she suffered from depression and bipolar disorder. I was really shocked to hear that, because I always known her as Miss Smiley. Just right then, I want to hug her and comfort her, for being strong in going through such a difficult period.<br /><br />We had a heart-to-heart conversation which I never have with anyone at all, except Princess Warrior. =P Seriously, I opened a bit of my inner self to her, and she did the same as well. And I realised, this is what real, close friends do. Not ask about shallow things like "How are you?" and that's it, or selfishly keeping secrets to yourself.<br /><br />In a rare time like this, I feel liberated.that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-89825406650190902062008-03-08T20:59:00.002+08:002008-03-08T21:09:05.589+08:00Piano DilemmaI'm going nowhere in Grade 8. My confidence in piano is non-existent. My self-esteem in music playing hits an all-time low. I can't even be bothered to practice anymore. I forgot most of my theory in music and thus, I doubt I can even pass Grade 8 Theory if I were to sit for it this November.<br /><br />My piano teacher is so going to be torn into pieces if she were to know I want to give piano a break. She will be extremely disappointed and disgusted by my "rash decisions", and it will all be my fault.<br /><br />The manuscripts of the exam pieces freak me out. Huge chords scare me. Sight-reading is extremely intimidating. There are too many black dots, too few rests and white space. I don't think I can handle Grade 8 anymore. I can't even satisfy the minimum requirements anymore.<br /><br />I don't want to make music (as in instruments) a part of my life anymore. I want to lose that identity because it's no longer me. It feels like a foreign debris lodged into my soul. And the worse thing is I'm so "far" into music now, I am "not expected" to stop, and let everything go to waste.<br /><br />I'm so sorry. =( I wished I could be better, but I'm not acting on my words. It just isn't my interest anymore. And I don't know how to put this forward to her, who has selflessly imparted to me musical skills for about a decade. I'm sorry, I really am. I don't want to hurt her feelings. And I don't know what to do now... I just can't go for piano lessons anymore.that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com303tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-51856207656498151492008-02-27T22:00:00.001+08:002008-02-27T22:25:35.061+08:00Busy Busy BeeSo much things have happened over these past few days. On Monday, my mom and that hypocritical "bossy" friend have annoyed me to a point of no return, and my mood was extremely foul for that entire day. It was one of the worst days of my life.<br /><br />Anyway, on a happier note, the CAS element of IB has given me a wonderful insight into children. Although I would have been exhausted after a really long day of school, I enjoyed playing with them! Seriously, they are so awesome. I'm quite proud of myself for being involved in their lives and enriching their childhood, especially the autistic kid I'm taking care of. Let's call him Dane. Last Friday, when Dane was going home, her mother confided with me about Dane's sad situation in his school.<br /><br />As Dane's friend, I noticed that unlike other kids, he is extremely smart and he sees the world in an entirely different perspective compared to other kids. He is naturally inquisitive, and very chatty! =D It wasn't until my crush asked me whether he was a prodigy when his mother told me about Dane's high intelligence. I reflected on her words and realised that he could be one. However, his enthusiasm for knowledge scares off other kids his age, and his mom told me he was always bullied in school.<br /><br />I flashed back and remembered the time when Dane told me he was bullied in his school. I didn't think too much about it (stupid me!) because I thought maybe his friends were just having a day of fun. I was a bit concerned, but I didn't raise that concern to his mom. Oh man, I am mad with myself for keeping quiet! >.<<br /><br />Anyway, his mom on Friday confirmed that it is a recurring problem. Dane has no real friends in school at all, and I thought, how can children be so cruel to someone who is different? =( He did have a friend once, but he has since moved to our school. So his mom began to thank me for taking good care of Dane, because I was not only helping him to overcome his autism, I was also his only friend. I was in shock, because I thought Dane has a few friends in school.<br /><br />She then told me that Dane was struggling in school. I looked at her with wide eyes and questioned that possibility. I mean, he was a very bright and chatty fellow when we were playing together in my school playground. From the way he spoke, he obviously was very intelligent. And I came to learn a shocking truth.<br /><br />When Dane is "overwhelmed" (I forgot her exact words), his brain begins to shut down, and he is unable to complete his schoolwork for the whole day. And he will begin to act strangely and misbehave. And his teachers did not know how to deal with him. My interpretation is he was even ignored by his teachers, because they didn't know how to deal with him. I was steaming! How can they NOT KNOW how to handle him? They can't just ignore him, because his problems won't go away. She told me that out of 5 school days, he can only concentrate in school for 2 days. The rest... well, wasn't really productive.<br /><br />I can't imagine the situation, because so far, Dane is just like any other nice kid, if you discount his peculiarities (which I really don't find peculiar at all). Off the top of my head, I can list some. As the playground is fenced, whenever the bouncy ball goes outside the playground, he begins to get uncomfortable and he requested me to bring the ball back in. And then, whenever he plays with the ball, he talks to the ball, asking it to come back. Despite my encouragement, he doesn't want to try the monkey bars. And of course, he doesn't make eye contact whenever he talks. His eyes wander everywhere but my eyes.<br /><br />And I'm not really bothered by those, actually. If I didn't know he is autistic, I could have mistaken him as an ordinary, bright kid.<br /><br />Anyway, I probably couldn't understand the difficulties the teachers faced as well when dealing with Dane as he wasn't in his best, and I haven't seen him at his worse time too. So erm, yeah...<br /><br />You know, when Dane's mother mentioned that I'm his only true friend, I cannot help but feel really happy and important too. I have never felt important before, and I was really touched by her words and Dane's sincerity whenever we meet and have fun. I mean, I never imagined myself to be important in anyone's life at all! I'm like, wow! =O =D It makes me really happy, because I have at least a real purpose to exist. To make someone's life better. =)<br /><br />Making a difference. I like it... Wow!<br /><br />Man, I so love Dane! =D<br /><br /><br />On another matter, I feel as days pass by, I am getting closer and closer to this wonderful girl who is my close friend in school. Let's call her Miss Klutzy! ;) Yeap, I really like Miss Klutzy. Like on Monday when I got angry with my mom, she calmed me down by saying that my mom was looking out for me, and she was just doing her job. And I'm like, why am I so blinded by anger as to not see more than just the nagging? She's sincere, she's nice, she's pretty, she's awkward and she is so far from the woman of my dreams. But her personality, oh my, I fell in love with it! So full of love and happiness. And for a few days when we chatted online, we found out that we have a lot of common in our teenage angsts. The thing being she experienced it first because she is about 2 years my senior.<br /><br />At first, her age kind of bothered me. I always thought a couple is an older man with a younger woman (to compensate men's late maturity =P). As time passes, it didn't bother me anymore because love knows no boundaries. LOL! I just hope that somehow, we will be more than just friends. But I'm keeping things slow for now. I don't want to set myself up for another disappointment, yet!<br /><br />I have to stop here. It's getting late, and I have not finished my Theory of Knowledge assignment on writing a Maths poetry. Maths isn't my strong calibre, and I have zero interest in Maths. Not to mention our current Maths substitute teacher is bad beyond bad. I start to despise Maths now. I want our Maths teacher back. Never mind that she have just given birth! =P Hahaha!<br /><br /><br />Anyway, Model United Nations conference is coming up this weekend. I am extremely excited! =D I have prepared everything except tackling the flaws in my resolution, writing a speech supporting my resolution and printing out my online resources. I can't wait! However, I have difficulty countering points of information people shoot me. And I fear them because I always give illogical answers. I always answer in broken English because of my nervousness. *embarrassed* And thanks to nervousness, my brain conveniently decides to shut down, and I start to lose control. =( And the last time I participated in this, participants have been extremely mean and hypercritical. It was so depressing, because they don't even give a newcomer a chance to recuperate. =Sthat frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-83490940415602965692008-02-20T22:37:00.000+08:002008-02-20T22:36:55.073+08:00Friend in LoveHe swung by after school when she was taking care of toddlers, and he asked my friend out. Just like that, her dreams came true. I am extremely disappointed because it so happened I could not be there today because I had to attend a scholarship briefing (which was really boring by the way. I do not intend to apply for it because I am content with where I am now.). Arghhh! I am extremely frustrated that I missed the only opportunity to see love blossoming between two teenagers.<br /><br />I am so happy for her because all this was, she had difficulty overcoming her shyness to talk to him, and she was hating herself for that. And then, he came and asked her out! Oh my gosh! It is like a fairytale! I simply couldn't believe what she typed in Windows Live Messenger. I'm like, no way! =D<br /><br />As much as I am happy for her, I am a little bit jealous also. Hey, why isn't this happening to me? I like this girl and yet, I keep telling myself I need to take things slowly. Plus, she is erm... 2 years my senior. It's kind of weird, but all the same, it feels so right. I've been hanging out with her most of the time, and I have this hunch (no, I eavesdropped) that people in my year are gossiping that we are going out together, when we are not.<br /><br />It's so confusing, and I really want to tell this to someone. But I still trust no one in my new school, except for her. I wish someone could understand the situation I am in. I busted Valentine's Day big time by not sending her candies. Oh, guess what? I didn't receive any gifts from anyone during Valentine's Day. Something went wrong with the delivery, lol! My friend also confessed she exaggerated the "secret admirer" part. I was quite let down that day.<br /><br />Sometimes, I just want to sit down at the bench in a quiet park, and just hold her hands.<br /><br />As she frequently speaks Mandarin, and her English needs a lot of polishing, I challenged her to speak only English throughout the whole day (except during her Mandarin lessons). I really hope she won't slip. If she is successful, I'll buy her lunch. =) If she is successful, I will give her a friendly hug and whisper into her ears, "<span style="text-decoration: line-through;">I like you.</span> You did it. Congratulations. I'm so proud of you." I want to make it a triumphant moment for her, so that she can always remember the day. =)<br /><br />Okay, I seriously need to stop daydreaming. And I realised my writing generally has became more and more disjointed and incoherent. =(<br /><br />Well, it's late. I need to sleep so that my brain is able to process thoughts during the early morning TOK lessons.that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-29008358051198585632008-02-18T21:05:00.002+08:002008-02-18T21:09:21.849+08:00BehindI am so behind my Geography and Malay classes. I have most of the population chapter to cover (which took the bulk of Term 1 to complete), and I have ten thousand Malay novels to read. And oh, there's piano too. My practices are rare and always on the day before the class. Then again, what's so surprising about that?<br /><br />I have this nagging feeling when I'm behind work. It's annoying and it puts an unnecessary strain on my life.that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-90342046667983474512008-02-12T18:04:00.000+08:002008-02-12T18:15:33.752+08:00Secret Admirer?During lunchbreak, out of the blue, a friend told me that a secret admirer has sent me US$0.50 worth of chocolates which will be delivered to me early morning on Valentine's Day. I was shocked, and extremely ecstatic! Someone in my new school actually like me? =O<br /><br />That is the best thing to have ever happened to me! My crazy dream actually came true! =D<br /><br />Oh gosh. I cannot wait for Valentine's Day! Fine, I know how overrated that day is, and February 14 should never be celebrated. And how lovers are making too much of a fuss on this day. After knowing this, I've changed my belief. =P<br /><br />I hope <i>she</i> sent me them. I really hope it will be her. But I don't think it is her since she didn't know how much they cost. Maybe it's <i>her</i>.<br /><br />I feel bad to be a Don Juan and fancying two girls at the same time. =(<br /><br />Ahhh! Two more days!<br /><br />I just hope that friend isn't making a mountain out of a molehill. I really hope it isn't just a friendly gesture from a friend.that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-76045313967086217382008-02-10T20:51:00.000+08:002008-02-10T21:08:35.364+08:00StressI am on the verge of breaking down because heaps of work are pilling up, I'm looking out for excuses to procrastinate, I feel uninspired, I feel demotivated. I feel tired! So tired of school... =(<br /><br />And homework just keep coming in, like low-energy waves where the swash is stronger than the backwash. My writing skills ironically becomes unpolished and stilted. Writing suddenly doesn't feel natural anymore. It's actually something which I want to take a break from! Oh God, what is becoming of me?<br /><br />My English essay on A Doll's House is one of the worst essay I have ever crafted. I don't really know how to write a literature essay based on a certain theme. Do I actually have to reread the books (I did) and present my ideas in a chronological idea? I don't think that is how it is supposed to be <b>correctly</b> done.<br /><br />And I call myself a reader. Shame, shame! =(<br /><br />And then there are the topics on population in Geography which I am supposed to complete during the December holidays. My notebook is due on Monday, and I have not completed even half of the big assignment. I am so screwed...<br /><br />And I'm starting to find myself understanding, yet not understanding, concepts in classes. An analogy to describe it is drowning in a sea of knowledge where you immerse yourself with knowledge, yet the more you know, the more you don't seem to know and suddenly, you fail to appreciate them and you suddenly become dumb. Do you get the picture?<br /><br />Sixth form is dumb. And in those days, I thought it was one of the coolest thing which can happen to me. I never thought it would even be stressful. People think I'm breezing through because I am a boy genius. I am so not a genius. My IQ is just around 120 (according to a Facebook application). And I'm not breezing through, I'm suffering in hell! =( People can't seem to understand the difficulty I'm going through. Heck, I don't even understand myself too. =(<br /><br />I just want to crawl in a corner and sit there dejectedly and watch as the world unfurls, without giving a damn to anything.that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-16779581952613568072008-01-29T16:01:00.000+08:002008-01-29T16:18:01.174+08:00BullyingMy younger brother is bullied in his new school. My new school! And it is just the beginning of Term 2!<br /><br />It did occur yesterday but it was rather "minor" and I thought it was a harmless prank. Today, it got worse. What happened was some bunch of immature babies decided to grab his bottle and put soap in it when they were in the toilet. How nasty can they get?! Why are they depriving of his source of water for the day in school. WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING OF?<br /><br />And I was told by the maid that the other day, some people dropped a sharpener into his bottle of water. Then yesterday, he angrily told me that a "friend" of his emptied his water bottle, in front of it, and decided to fart into it.<br /><br />HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO RIDICULOUSLY CHILDISH?<br /><br />No, it cannot be tolerated any longer. My brother is throwing a big tantrum here. Tomorrow first thing in the morning, I am going in to speak to the teacher or the principal and raise my concern. What I hate about my brother is that he is so afraid to speak out! =( And I worry for him because he is unwilling to take any action to stop this ludicrous nonsense! Why stay silent, and then throw tantrums at home when absolutely NOTHING can be done? What is he so afraid of? Revenge? Why must he be so afraid?<br /><br />I don't understand... =( I fail at being the older brother. =(<br /><br />I told my mom about this problem because I really don't know what to do. =( I am so hopeless when it comes to these things.<br /><br />I am just so upset that such things could happen here in my new school. It is very unjust, especially since he transferred over a few months ago. It is just the beginning of Term 2. I dread to think what will happen if this goes on unnoticed.<br /><br />My brother is a victim of bullying. This must not go on. He needs to be strong; he HAS to be strong. If our family isn't there for him when he goes elsewhere, how else is he going to survive in this harsh world we live in. The world so full of idiots who truly doesn't deserve living in such a beautiful place. Well, it once was a beautiful place.<br /><br />Now, I think my brother fears going back to school because of bullying. He is now thinking of even transferring back to his old school. I think I know <a href="http://soliloguy.blogspot.com/2007/11/despaired-by-loss.html">why he thought of that a few months back</a>. I don't think running away from bullying is possible. They just keep happening, until and unless he speaks up and remains firm on the ground.that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-61486425610428846302008-01-24T21:09:00.000+08:002008-01-24T21:16:15.936+08:00The Chemistry JokeI am so tired. I was completing my Chemistry practical report in a sleep-like trance. My mind was completely detached from my body and flew to dreamland. While I was brainstorming for answers, I had subconsciously wrote this down. This will dazzle the scientific community.<br /><br /><blockquote>... If there is a large excess of zinc, (pause) <b>I will call them for help</b>.<br /><br /></blockquote><br /><br />A minute later, I "came back". I reread what I wrote, and I was so shocked at my answer. I couldn't even remember writing that! And call who for help? =S And I laughed!!!<br /><br />Oh gosh, I'm too tired. My energy is drained out, and I need to complete this Geography presentation due tomorrow. Oh boy...that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-86374123202642172222008-01-23T20:31:00.000+08:002008-01-23T20:33:52.731+08:00Turning Point?This week has been pretty eventful. It is going to be filled with CAS activities. I feel happy because it gives me a sense of purpose, besides pursuing the academia. Here's what has happened, and will happen:<br /><ul><li>Joined the running club.</li><br /><li><span class="tooltip" title="Model United Nations">MUN</span> is in 5 weeks. Meeting was held yesterday. I found out the country I'm representing, and although I'm not too happy about the allocation, I can live with it. =)</li><br /><li>The first episode of Heroes, Season 2 premiered yesterday on <a href="http://www.startv.com/world/">Star World</a>. It was really great! Time passed by really fast. I can't wait for next week's episode! =D<br /><li>Today, I took care of toddlers in my school.</li><br /><li>A walk around the local park for an upcoming trip overseas.</li><br /><li>Working with autistic children.</li><br /><li>Joining the Film Making club next week.</li></ul><br /><br />Highlights of the week? Taking care of children.<br /><br />Seriously, never in my life have I considered taking care of children! =O Yeah, I do dream of being a father and having a nice family, but I've never considered the aspect of taking good care of children. I don't know why, but I tend to shy away from them. I'm so scared that they don't like me and find me an evil monster.<br /><br />But then, there were a couple of times when I am stuck in a room with a child or two, and after overcoming my hesitation, I find that I really do enjoy playing with them. Their sheer innocence and their innate ability to find anything fun is amazing. It was just exactly what happened just now. A friend invited me to join the Toddler Group, which basically is about playing with toddlers and taking care of them. Previously, I was appalled by the idea because I am afraid of doing a bad job. Today, I took the plunge. Besides, I needed some hours for <span class="tooltip" title="Creative, Action, Service">CAS</span>. It couldn't hurt, right? If I didn't like it, I can at least say I have tried it.<br /><br />Guess what? I had no regrets at all!<br /><br />I spent time playing with this cute little guy. He is so charismatic and full of life. Today, he and I are playing airports, cars, cities, animals... All kinds of funky things. Suddenly, I was rediscovering childhood, and I let my imagination overtake me. End result? The kid enjoyed himself, and my friends were really surprised at my sudden childish behaviour. Whoops, my deep dark secret is out! Lol! =P Honestly, it was really fun to play with him, talk to him and entertain him. I think his parents are worried that I enjoyed myself more than he enjoyed himself. Lol! It was so hilarious, and I was kind of embarrassed after that. So I toned down a bit and let him be the, well, "master".<br /><br />All in all, it was really fun. I can't believe I actually had fun playing with him. A child! And I discovered one thing. I can be my true self, let myself go and indulge in childish pastimes. Forget about the pressures of IB and just connect with young people. No more facades.<br /><br />In short, no regrets. And I am looking forward to playing with autistic children too. I think it will be a fresh, new experience because I'm lacking in the child care department. ;) So I think it is going to be really fun! Plus, there will be someone there who will guide us in dealing with autistic kids. So it should be really cool and exciting. I really can't wait.<br /><br />I have a feeling that these experiences with children will lead me to something bigger. Could it be my passion? A newfound hobby? Who knows? I think I shall let time tell. In the meantime, I will hopefully enjoy myself among children. Thanks to the IB programme for opening up new perspectives in life!that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-31329408869409399432008-01-22T16:55:00.000+08:002008-01-22T17:05:23.820+08:00Scandals. Lies.Because gossip kills. Clashing with the wrong crowd is an extremely bad idea. Supporters are victimised. Taunts and threats are dished out; every word voiced inviting trouble.<br /><br />And the worst thing is, nobody knows the real truth. It is concealed with lies after lies.<br /><br />I am just glad that I am not involving myself in anything, and that I am staying near the brink of destruction. A silent, solemn observer. It makes me realise that humans can be crueler than the devil. I feel sad because it makes the world a more horrid place to live in. I feel sad because those who are trying to help, end up hurting themselves instead.<br /><br />Sometimes, it's best to be ignorant and walk away, or flee, from trouble. And that is what I am doing know. It is none of my business.that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-66710835717600033292008-01-09T18:33:00.000+08:002008-01-09T18:37:41.245+08:00Taken Advantage ofLet me tell you of my bitter experience while traveling in a foreign land.<br /><br />It happened in Murray Street, during the first week of my holiday. I had just hopped off the free city bus heading to Borders, my favourite place in Perth. So we walked past Woolworths and I decided to stop for a drink before we continue to Borders. As I was struggling to free my bottle from my bag, a guy approached me. This guy was big (not in an intimidating way) and had shaggy blond hair. He was freckled and wearing shirt and shorts. He's in his teen, probably not older, or even younger, than me. I thought he looked shoddy.<br /><br />So this guy stopped me and asked for my help. I was confused by his sudden appearance. First of all, city people do not call out to random strangers. He proceeded to explain that he needed someone to help him carry a sign around which advertised Subway burgers. I eyed him suspiciously, and told him I was busy and heading off to a bookstore (yes, stupid response! =O). I don't know how, or why, but he managed to persuade me to help him out for a little while. He told me to walk around Murray and Hay Streets and hold the sign. That was all I had to do. I asked why, and he told me he needed a little break.<br /><br />Guess what? I said:<br /><br /><blockquote>Err... okay, sure! Just for a short while, right?<br /><br /><br /></blockquote><br /><br />Oh my goodness, can you believe how dumb I was? I was what my former English teacher says, "A blinking donkey". My little brother instantly avoided me and pretended he didn't know me. I REALLY did walk around holding up the sign! People were eyeing me. They STARED at me!!! =( At first, I felt fuzzy doing something nice for someone, until I began to flush with embarrassment. Then it hit me. <br /><br />I WAS USED! USED!!!<br /><br />I cannot believe my stupidity. I may be that smart alec in class, but my street smartness equates 0! I didn't walk too far a distance, thankfully, saving me many minutes of shame. My little brother pestered me to go back and give it back to the guy. I even scolded him lightly, before I heeded to his sensible advice and headed back to our promised meeting place near Woolworths.<br /><br />So I walked back there and tried looking for the guy.<br /><br />AND THERE HE STOOD IN FULL GLORY, CLEARLY FLIRTING WITH A SALESGIRL! =O (She was promoting some product at a small stall.)<br /><br />I was boiling mad. I approached him quickly, and <b>he pretended to not even notice me</b>! He went to a group of giggling girls and pretended to join in a conversation.My temperature soared an all-time high. I ranted to the salesgirl. While she was sorry to see me being taken advantage off, she told me bluntly she couldn't help me.<br /><br />I questioned the legality of making tourists help someone with work. The guy finally acknowledged me after some time. I repeated it again to him. <br /><br />"It is illegal to make tourists do the work for you. I'm a tourist, you're not supposed to do that."<br /><br />"I'm just asking you to help out. Can't you help me out for a few more minutes? You will even be paid for it!"<br /><br />An interlude here: Forgive me for saying this, but...<br /><br /><b>FUCK YOU! TO HELL WITH YOU, YOU ARSEHOLE!</b><br /><br />*ANGRY*<br /><br />I then realised I was being taken advantage of by some unknown dude! And he had probably told the girls how he has managed to influence a nerdy chink to do something stupid. I was embarrassed, I felt foolish, stupid and dumb! I am worse than a retard, I tell you! =(<br /><br />To avoid more trouble, I passed back the sign to him rudely and strode away. He called after me and tried stuffing the sign into my bag. "What are you doing?" I hissed. I strode faster. He was getting closer. <b>HE WAS ACTUALLY CHASING ME!</b><br /><br />HE WAS BEGGING ME TO HELP HIM! *shriek* That IS not helping at all! If you want help, you don't go desperate over it, especially not something like this. It is his job to walk around the city and advertise for Subway. I have absolutely nothing to do with it. Too bad I didn't realise that many minutes ago! Argh! =(<br /><br />The situation took a turn for the worse. Feeling embarrassed was bad enough. It wasn't until later that night I realised what had just happened.<br /><br />I. Was. Harassed.<br /><br />This guy was insane! He actually chased me across the block. I fled for my life. Adrenaline kicked in. Fight or flee. I chose the latter. I can't fight. I'm too pathetic to fight. I ran with all my might. I ran one block and ended up at Hay Street. I didn't stop until I was near Borders, and certain that he was gone. There was no way that chav could have run so far. I thanked God for blessing me with naturally long legs.<br /><br />I was flustered and lost my younger brother. I panicked. What if he harassed my brother? Thankfully, he came a minute later, complaining that he couldn't keep up with me. I was too shocked to laugh at the pun. He explained that he saw me took off and the guy stopped running at the junction. The guy later went back without touching my brother. I was so glad that my brother was unharmed. That was my primary concern.<br /><br />Rage took over me. I was determined to lodge a complain at Subway. People like that should not exist on this planet. The very least I can do is to get him fired, so that other people will not be victimised. I forgot where Subway was, since it has been a year since I set foot on the city. I took my courage and asked a random passer-by for help. I did say previously that city people do not call out to random strangers. So the couple ignored me before I asserted that I want to know where Subway was. I went to the nearest one which was at the Carillon City food court at the same street. I thanked them and headed down to Subway.<br /><br />I searched wildly for Subway, like a hungry lion looking for a prey. I spotted it and went to lodge a complain. Sadly, my complain wasn't taken seriously by the branch manager. He could not understand what I say, and handed me a serviette with the Subway hotline written on it. He told I could voice my complain there. I was told by one of the staff that they do not hire anyone to advertise burgers for them.<br /><br />I was shocked beyond belief. He had been faking it all along! It was all a set-up. I never felt so humiliated in my life. The expression on my face was despair and panic, and I think I scared everyone there. I think I looked like a psycho. =|<br /><br />I thanked them and walked away sadly. I kept the serviette with me, determined to phone Subway later. At that time, I simply had to shop for books. They provide solace, especially after the stupid traumatic event.<br /><br />No, I didn't call Subway in the end. There was simply too little information I can provide. I can describe his appearance and the place it happened but that was about it. I doubt there was anything the Subway people can do anyway, since I didn't have his name. I tore the serviette into pieces and threw it away. Damn it, the fucking dickhead got away! He is going to harass more people now. Or maybe tell the entire world how he has managed to get a stranger do his bidding and exert his supremacy.<br /><br />No justice was served. It was so unfair! =(<br /><br />My younger brother had me relate the experience to my older brother and his girlfriend. They had wanted to laugh at my story, but they didn't. And I was really surprised. They gave me different advices on how to handle such situations. My elder brother told me to either ignore him or tell him to fuck off if he keeps persisting. It is the city after all, and it can be a treacherous place. His girlfriend taught me to break the advertisement in front of him, and walk away. It sounded pretty cool, and I was envisioning the likely outcome of the situation. Alas, I couldn't do anything since it had already happened.<br /><br />This experience has really shattered my liking for the city. I love cities, I love to be a city dweller one day. I feel really sad to know the city isn't as safe as I think. I mean, they do portray those in movies, but I never thought it can actually happen to me.<br /><br />It did, and I will never forget it. It scarred me for life, I guess (or maybe that is another exaggeration). And the very thought that evil is more evil than that is not comforting at all. It changed my future visits to Hay Street and Murray Street malls. I now avoid passing Woolworths, and I am now more careful of myself. My brother warned me that place is a hang-out spot for delinquent teenagers.<br /><br />I guess the old adage of "never talk to strangers" still applies no matter how old you are.<br /><br />I was so afraid of going back the next day, but I'm not going to let paranoia get the best of me. After all, I need to make repeated visits to Borders since it is such a wonderful haven for book-lovers. I'm glad Borders is some distance away from Woolworths. <br /><br />When I once visited Garden City shopping mall and Carillon City, I spotted him AGAIN! I immediately went into <span class="tooltip" title="Oh My God!">OMG</span> mode and immediately retraced my steps. I can't believe I can bump into him twice! Especially in places like Perth where the population is about a million. What are the odds of that happening? And the worst thing was that he wore the same outfit! =| That was freaky. I don't know whether my eyes are playing tricks on me or not. I'm just glad I wasn't seen by him, or whoever he was.<br /><br />Or maybe I have developed a fear for large freckled Caucasian with blonde shaggy hair who wears black outfit. Is there even such a fear?! =O<br /><br />My mind is so twisted...<br /><br />I regretted not even trying to call Subway and lodge a complain. I mean, I think it's worth a try. *sigh* I have failed to stop a monster...<br /><br />And I do wonder, why of all people was I picked? Is it racism? My vulnerable appearance? My brother suggested that I looked too nice and an easy target. =(<br /><br />I did get something out of this experience though. I think I now understand harassment and humiliation, and I now know how to handle similar situations...<br /><br />=(that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-11244870586665408962008-01-07T21:46:00.000+08:002008-01-07T21:49:22.617+08:00DifferenceAm I a coward, because I am afraid to be <b>different</b>?<br /><br />Am I a coward, because I am afraid to <b>make a difference</b>?<br /><br />Am I useless, because I am unsure where my life is heading to now, when it is clear that <b>everything is going downhill</b> now?<br /><br />Am I just an empty shell, because <b>I don't know who I am anymore</b>?that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-15388388377008636022008-01-06T20:23:00.000+08:002008-01-06T20:32:54.055+08:00A Premature EndWi-fi Pokemon battles were really fun and enjoyable. I think Pokemon Diamond is the best Pokemon game ever made, simply because it finally enabled online battling and trading. My passion for competitive battling was reignited, and I hopped on to the bandwagon.<br /><br />Unfortunately, raising a new team is tough. The process of breeding Pokemon with certain conditions is arduous, and the odds are unfairly unfavourable. The game adventure robbed my holiday. My chance in catching up schoolwork was gone. It robbed my first weekend! My chance in straightening things is gone! =( Time flew just like that, and once again, I am grumbling about my lack of self-discipline. =(<br /><br />I did what was best. I wrote down my future plans for my new team. I retired the game and everything related to it. No more online battling anymore, until when I have more time.<br /><br />Best decision of my life so far this year. =)<br /><br />*sigh* All the work poured in. Oh well, I guess that's that. I now understand why my mom imposes bans on video game consoles during the school term.<br /><br />Back to my incomplete Biology homework, which I thought was already completed after the holidays. Here I go again!that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-67462502238105479872008-01-01T00:45:00.000+08:002008-01-01T00:50:09.925+08:00Happy New Year 2008!I am so overjoyed to see everyone downstairs ushering the new year in just now! In the final countdown, everyone was holding their breaths as the last remnants of 2007 ticked away. When 2008 arrived, there was a joyous rupture! Everyone celebrated the new year. Hugs, kisses, elation... Wow, it's really amazing.<br /><br />You know what? This really compels me to throw a new year party this year! I think it will be really cool to have so many people, especially friends, counting down together. It is surreal, man!<br /><br />Hmm... 1 January 2008...<br /><br />Well, have a great year everyone! And for those in other time zones, hope to see you join us soon in 2008!that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-42299808706964039872007-12-31T22:40:00.000+08:002007-12-31T22:40:33.612+08:00Grr... I feel so used!I was looking forward to a nice Pokemon battle online using my Nintendo DS. Yes, Pokemon Diamond has a Wi-fi feature which enables you to communicate with other international users to trade and battle Pokemon. So here is what happened. This battler, I believe, has cheated by using hacked Pokemon. This PM I sent to the moderator explains my situation.<br /><br /><blockquote>Hey. I thought it best to let you know about this privately before making a big fuss out of it. I'm so afraid I'm blowing things out of proportion, and that I am a sore, sore loser.<br /><br />The thing is I'm not. I enjoy battles, I really do! I know a good battle from a very very bad one, and this particular user made me feel inferior. I should have requested him to not use legendaries because I have an issue against them. I didn't, taking for granted that he wouldn't use any.<br /><br />Well, guess what? He used Ho-Oh, Lugia, Groudon and that blasted Arceus. I don't mind a legendary or two, but I think they are too much. Arceus's not even in my Pokedex Prima Guide for Pete's sake. So I questioned his motives. And he gets defensive, cussing me. I kept quiet and proceeded the battle, even though I had wanted to run.<br /><br />Suddenly, my router went bonkers. Communication error resulted. And guess what that loser said? I'm a sore loser! I can't believe he jumped to conclusions just like that. He bragged finishing the game in two days. He told me he got the legendaries in a trade. He did say during the chat that he rather use them than his normals because they are weak. I made no comment on that. He then became a sexist by questioning my sex, just because I do not turn on voice chat.<br /><br />My god, I feel like screwing him. I bet he thinks I'm a wuss, gay etc.<br /><br />I left the chat. I couldn't take it anymore. My rage boiled inside me, but I just... can't lash out. I feel sooo bad. And this experience has taken the fun out of future battles.<br /><br />I don't know what to do. I just felt like talking to someone about this. Anyone. My friends won't understand my predicament because they don't play Pokemon.<br /><br />I blocked the dodo too, in case you're wondering.</blockquote><br /><br />I do know it is just a game, and I am getting uptight over it. I think I'm overreacting. But I am seeking for a judgement here. Cheaters really do not deserve to win. They are selfish and mean people and make the lives of the people involved extremely miserable.<br /><br />I don't like being taken advantage of. It happened while I was in Australia too. I can't believe I have stupidly fell for it. It marred my perfect vacation. =( I guess I will elaborate on that later. I'm too bitter to do anything right now.<br /><br />2008 is coming up in a few hours time. I am flashbacking to the time when my best friend accidentally stumbled onto this secret blog. I cannot believe time has flew so fast. Where has it all gone? I feel sad because I personally feel I haven't achieved much in 2007. I just hope that next year will be a better year. It's a shame 2007 had to end terribly.<br /><br />Wait. It didn't quite. I went out on an outing with two of my close friends this afternoon. We had a movie marathon. I think I Am Legend and Alvin and the Chipmunks is a good movie. Seriously, take my word for it! =) However, typical of many apocalypse stories, don't expect their endings to be happy. They aren't. However, for I Am Legend, I think the ending is pretty good for that genre. Alvin and the Chipmunks is really cute! Must watch. I love their songs! And it is so much better than the annoying High School Musical movies. Terrible! =O<br /><br />Erm, all the best to everyone for 2008. May you all have a good health, good prosperity and good prospects. Take care! See you next year, in 2008.that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-63037489777963072392007-12-17T17:47:00.001+08:002007-12-17T17:47:30.333+08:00On a Vacation<div>Hey guys, sorry! I am actually on a vacation in Australia right now. I will not be back until after Christmas. And yeah, I do not really have proper access to the Internet. So, no updates for the fortnight. Sorry! =( Anyway, enjoy your Christmas! </div> <div> </div> <div>Oh, oh! I am done with Christmas shopping. I am so proud of myself! Wheeee! Have you finished yours? ;)</div> <div> </div> <div>I love Christmas! This time, I am going to spend it in Australia, unlike last year when I had to spend it on the plane! =O This is going to be so much fun. Cheers!</div> that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-49728827547478154872007-12-09T15:41:00.000+08:002007-12-09T15:43:35.443+08:00I hate Sundays!My family always manages to make Sunday a living hell for everybody. I have grown to dislike over the years to hate Sundays. I groan when it is a Sunday. Sure, everybody relaxes on Sunday and they appreciate a break after a week of strenuous activities. What is wrong with this kid for hating a beautiful Sunday?<br /><br />I just hate it. Sundays frustrate me.<br /><br />Just a few hours ago, we went out to have lunch together. I knew instantly it was going to be a bad day from the way my mom talked in that surly tone. This time, I made sure I did not procrastinate my morning shower. I was all ready and eager to go. She had to make the day so tiring. Sighing, I went into the car. Everyone felt flustered. There was a unspoken dialogue to hurry up. My mom was hungry, and she was being incredibly mean, nasty, selfish, whiny and fussy. Everyone felt they did not deserve to go through it for another time.<br /><br />I told her of my spontaneous plan. While having lunch, I will photocopy extracts on my Geography textbooks so that I do not have to lug those "dictionaries" to Australia (I'm going there again). Then, I will sell the last of my former school textbooks to a bookshop. Later, I will then hand in the re-enrolment form for my swimming classes.<br /><br />And she shot me an annoyed look. Stop it, mom! Does it trouble you that much that I will need to move around to do those intended tasks? It is not my fault they are distanced so far apart from each other. Sheesh!<br /><br />Just when I thought the day was bad enough, my dad had to cuss and swear in the car when some driver was hesitant of driving. He stopped at the junction, not very sure of where he was driving. It is my fault too, because I instructed him of making a wrong turn. But seriously, must you go and curse the driver all the way? Just drive the freaking car. Yeah, we know it was his fault too. Forget it! Do not fret about it too much and yak, yak, yak! How chinky of you. Yes, I am a bit of a racist towards my own race. They can be pretty barbaric and rude. So what? =(<br /><br />My mom and my dad had to keep making small arguments as well. I was turned off during lunch when my mom was complaining of her hunger. That woman certainly cannot survive famine! =( On a completely unrelated note, I felt sad that making adventurous vacations was definitely out of the question should my mom tag along. She can never cope up with minor discomforts!<br /><br />My dad was being narcissistic just now. He moaned that people don't greet him whenever they walk past each other. Oh, dad! Please, not everyone gives a damn about you. Seriously. Sometimes, people unintentionally does that. Probably they were not looking your way, or they are deep in thought. They were not trying to be rude. Or some people thought you are not worth their time, or have some issues against you. Naturally, they would not even care whether you are there or not. You cannot be well-liked by everyone, so please stop expecting that from people. Yeah, I told him off. I didn't care whether I sound rude or not. He isn't being realistic!<br /><br />I felt sad when my younger brother told me he was like my dad too. I thought, oh dear, not another one!<br /><br />My mom seemed to be sick of me going for swimming classes. She thinks it is too much of a trouble sending me to swimming classes, even though it only takes a few minutes of driving. The class is not that far from home. And she is always, ALWAYS, ALWAYS worried about my sinuses after swimming classes. Please stop caring so much about such an insignificant problem. I'm fine with it, alright? It is just a slight discomfort that I have to put up with. I won't be sick, heck, I have never been sick from swimming. My nose will not go unhealthy, or cancerous. Stop being a Florence Nightingale. You aren't. It isn't even a serious sickness. Don't keep diagnosing me. ARGHHHH!<br /><br />Don't you dare stop me from attending swimming classes just because of my sinuses! I like swimming, and I love to improve my form. Don't try to keep me away from it. You were the first person who made me swim to overcome hydrophobia. And now you don't want me to attend anymore. What the hell is wrong with you, mom? And you always do not bring me swimming when it is raining. I understand if it is a heavy downpour, but certainly a light drizzle won't kill me?<br /><br />Regarding the re-enrolment form I have to hand it, my mom thinks that texting the swimming coach will do. She thinks that as their "loyal" swimmer, I am not expected to hand in the form. Simply letting him know that I will return will do. Hey, who do you think you are, mom? I know you are his friend. So what? That doesn't garner you special privileges. I hate it when you want people to treat you like a queen.<br /><br />My dad did not help improve the situation. He have been complaining about everything just now. It was so noisy in the car. It was really annoying. With the combination of all the minor annoyances, of course I was peeved when I got home. I told my parents to forget about the form. They can do whatever they want. After all, they are the Royal Highnesses.<br /><br />A few days ago, I fell sick for a day after contracting a sore throat. I initially did not want to tell anyone in the family about it, for fear of what may come. I finally told my mom about it anyway, and the entire household treated me as if I am dying. I am to take regular medications, plus plenty of other useless vitamin supplements. I hate putting those stuffs into my body. I certainly don't need those! I'm fine! I just needed a little bit of rest and I will be alright.<br /><br />I will be off to Australia soon. I don't look forward to seeing my elder brother. I have just seen him a few weeks ago. I don't look forward to my mom throwing her tantrum. I don't look forward to doing anything there, because my elder brother, a night owl, won't rise until 2pm when all the shops and places of interests will be closing.<br /><br />I think scuba-diving/snorkelling and sandboarding, and other activities, will not happen. It didn't happen last year, or last last year, or the year before that. We will be doing the same thing over and over again. Curse him!<br /><br />I HATE EVERYTHING!<br /><br />I can't wait to grow up. I can't wait to leave everyone behind, and move forward to my own future. I can't wait to drive, so that I do not need to trouble anyone. I can't wait to get my own house somewhere far away, so that I can be independent without anyone setting some silly boundaries. I do not really want people to care too much about it. I'm fine. I am, really.<br /><br />I should not have started my IB course here. I should have followed some of my friends and study my A Levels in Malaysia. Or maybe migrate to the UK and do my A Levels. Or take a foundation course in Australia. Or just do the IB at some country 100000000000 kilometres away from home.<br /><br />Gosh, I can't wait to start university and put all these unnecessary troubles behind. I don't need them.<br /><br />I cannot believe <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_All-American_Rejects">The All-American Rejects</a> are my therapy for now...that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-12340396318642311542007-11-30T18:50:00.000+08:002007-11-30T19:02:11.975+08:00An Insight into IB<a href="http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l278/frolicsome_kid/00001.jpg"><img src="http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l278/frolicsome_kid/th_00001.jpg" alt="A preview of IB" style="border: 2px #005ACC solid; "/></a><br /><br />I'm back to school. A new one, that is. I'm in Year 12, a.k.a. sixth form. I am doing the International Baccalaureate. I have been looking forward to this moment for a long time. And I'm finally here! =D And I am LOVING it! =D<br /><br />And I'm tired... =( There is so much work involved. I do not have enough time to bum around and do whatever I want. I think I'm burned out. I haven't got a proper break after exams. I was asked to join the school for 3 weeks to get a taste of the environment there and to catch up with my new peers, so that I will be on track with the course the next semester. At least it is interesting. =)<br /><br />If you notice, there is a <a href="http://www.nokia-asia.com/6120classic" title="Nokia 6120 classic">Nokia mobile phone</a> there. It's mine. I recently bought it after my mom gave me the thumbs' up. I love my new phone. =) I thought it was a better investment than <a href="http://soliloguy.blogspot.com/2007/08/my-motivator.html">the PDA</a>.<br /><br />The weekend is here, and I never feel so happy about it before! =P<br /><br />P.S. I have yet to receive more notes and books! Those are just the tip of the iceberg. =S You should see my Maths textbook, it's 800+ pages thick! Enough to mistake it for a dictionary, or a Harry Potter novel. =Othat frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-32543849799471866012007-11-30T18:20:00.000+08:002007-11-30T18:19:13.290+08:00To Move On...The school prom was held a few days ago. I was there, hoping that I will have a slim chance to know Mona Lisa better and get to dance with her. Unfortunately, it wasn't the perfect scene I envisioned after reading all those romance novels, i.e. Nicholas Sparks's =). On the contrary, I would say it was a total disaster! =(<br /><br />I scored when I found an empty seat next to her. The table was mostly unoccupied anyway. It started off well. So we made small chit-chats and all to build up the hype that was to follow soon. =P Obviously, I can't immediately throw an engagement and propose, right? Okay, I think that is a bit over-exaggerated! The time seems to drag along. The fact that I have a Maths test the next day did not help much either. I was constantly worrying about logarithms, binomial expansions and topics that I would have covered had I not dropped Additional Maths, or came to my new school at the start of the semester.<br /><br />There was a scrumptious buffet after that. The food was pretty good, which I expected since well, we are dining in the 5-star hotel. I did not manage to gobble a lot of the food as I was kind of bloated. And I was really looking forward to a slow dance with her too. Unfortunately, as the hours wore on, the idea never really materialised. I was crushed when I missed out the few opportunities, and I realised too late that it will never happen. Yeah, I did ask her for a dance at one point. Too bad we are both bad dancers. We left the dancing floor not too long after. We tried again later, but this time, we're dancing with a group of friends. She didn't seem to want to dance with me anymore.<br /><br />As time goes by, the whole prom thing was getting tiring, repetitive and boring. There isn't much to do besides eating and dancing. It was boring. Nothing spectacular happened there. I knew it. I shouldn't have purchased a ticket. Social events like this always bore me, and I have no idea why. Sure, I was happy to see my friends having the time of their lives. I enjoyed it too, but pretty soon, everything seemed pretty pointless. =S<br /><br />On the other hand, another drama unfurls somewhere outside the beach. It was nearing 10, and I did not have much time left. School was a killjoy. I wished I could stay a bit later and spend some more time with her, since it's probably the last time I will see her. You know, I was planning in my head to tell her of my feelings before we never see each other again. To come in, and then walk out. That sounds incredibly unfair and selfish but I really don't know what else to do. I just need to tell her.<br /><br />So, I spent quite some time trying to look for her by the beach (the hotel is by the seashore). I tried to call her and text her with my new mobile phone. She picked up the phone the first time, but surprisingly, she didn't answer my text messages or my calls. I looked around the hotel grounds in vain. I was exhausted but I kept on looking, the urge to tell her was pressing. I finally found her sitting at the bench with some of her guy friends and having a great time. I was confused and lost. I did not know what to feel. There was relief, there was anger, there was despair, there was sadness and there was jealousy. =(<br /><br />I approached her, and she nonchalantly said, "There you are!". I was baffled and asked her why she didn't answer my calls. She told me that she could not hear it. I was surprised, because how could she hear the first time. Was she snubbing me? It was hard to tell. I could feel my chances of success had suddenly slimmed. I politely asked her to walk with me in front of those guys (whom I instinctively disliked, not because they were hanging out with her). Sheesh, those guys can seriously ruin intimate moments. -.-" I can't believe they <b>HAD TO FOLLOW</b> her around wherever she goes with me. Damn. I felt like a pathetic lover.<br /><br />I kept making small talks which slowly escalated to that "something big". Tonight, I thought, I will confess my feelings for her. Time flew by incredibly fast, and my mom was about to fetch me soon. We walked around, ended in deadends, and had to retrace our steps, with those goons following behind us. And she seemed to enjoy their lame and pathetic jokes. Come on! Aren't you getting my hints? Are you really that dense? Doesn't walking together, alone, doesn't mean something to you?<br /><br />I actually had to drag her away. I had to stride quickly, hoping she was keeping up with me and lose those guys. When they were far back behind, I told her my feelings. It came out wrong. I instead asked her, "Hey Mona Lisa. [pause] Do you, erm, [pause] like me?"<br /><br />"As a friend?"<br /><br />"Yeah..."<br /><br />"Of course."<br /><br />"Erm, [pause] as something more? More than just friends?" I finally stuttered.<br /><br />"No, sorry."<br /><br />I was crushed. That was not turning out well at all. I gave the impression that I was rude, inconsiderate, and desperate for love. That wasn't the impression I want to portray. It was so wrong! How much worse can it go?<br /><br />I hung my face low. I was not only disappointed, I also felt like a failure and a loser. There goes another crush who doesn't reciprocate my feelings. Why do I fall into the vortex of romance so easily? =( After a year and a half of liking her and really falling hard for her, this was how I was rewarded? Okay, you may think I am out of my mind and being overly optimistic, but I was secretly hoping to share my first kiss with her. At the beach under the beautiful moonlight, while the waves softly caress the beach. Happening at my favourite spot and fulfilling a crazy desire. Just the two of us.<br /><br />Not surprisingly, that never happened at all. Man, I would be slapped if I got fresh with her like that after telling me she has no feelings for me at all. Nada. Zilch. I would also be labeled as a number one jerk too.<br /><br />She explained that she wanted to concentrate on her studies. Her studies! =O I mean, gosh, we're not studying now (at least, she's not studying now) and she's already talking about the future? To tell you the truth, I wasn't sure myself how to go on with the relationship had she admitted she liked me. I don't think I am able to commit myself fully to her. Despite reading romance, I don't know how to progress from that point of "confession".<br /><br />I think our love, should it happen, will be ephemeral. Our feelings will have dissolved by the end of next year. Because I won't be seeing her again.<br /><br />In the end, logic prevailed. My emotions were too numb to guide me. I accepted the fact that she did not like me that way. Maybe she knows it was not good for either of us. I don't know. I feel so confused reflecting back that night. I don't think I will visit that hotel for a long time. Bad memories are now associated with it.<br /><br />I told her that she was a special girl, without really stating the reason why. I'm not too sure what made her so attractive. Maybe it was her beauty. Maybe it was her voice. Maybe it was her kindness and grace. Maybe it was her being understanding. And she told me someone actually complimented her that way too. I didn't want to ask anymore questions. And I start to wonder what chances have I already got. As far as I am concerned, I don't think any special relationship is meant to happen anymore.<br /><br />After that night, however, I'm not so sure anymore.<br /><br />Right after our walk, we both went back into our own worlds. Friends greeted us and all (thank goodness they did not make any comments) and we went back into our own worlds. I quickly got out of mine while waiting for her to wrap things up before she walked me back to the lobby of the hotel. You know, I can't believe she forgot that I was there so quickly in a short span of time. Shouldn't she excuse herself from them so that she can go up with me? Or am I just a selfish jerk who seeks attention from the girl he fancies?<br /><br />I gave her a friendly hug at the lobby, thanking her for a great time. I then headed for my car. I was hoping that when I turned back, she will still be there looking forlornly at me and smile for the last time. My Hollywood scene did not happen. When I turned back, she was gone. My smile evaporated. Sighing, I greeted my mom and left the place.<br /><br />You know, while we were talking, she was asking me whether we can still be friends. Just like all the other girls. I gave her a positive response. I had a nagging feeling that this will be our last time together. Friendship seemed impossible.<br /><br />Just now, I went to her blog and found a few pictures of her with a few guys. One of them was my best friend. I couldn't bear to see their faces and her together. I suddenly realised that I was still not over her! I also realised that my feelings for her was in vain. She never considered me to be that special. She never even asked to take a picture with me.<br /><br />I was simply an acquaintance, nothing more. I freaked.<br /><br />I'm walking out of her life, never returning again. I think it is best for me, and for her. A relationship is not meant to happen, I guess.<br /><br />I guess this shows how faithful I am. =( I'm really worried...<br /><br />I'm sorry... =(<br /><br />But, I appreciate your honesty. It really showed me where we stood in the relationship. I respect your feelings. I know too well that for any relationship to work, feelings and love have to be reciprocated. However, thank you. You have made life sweeter and more interesting for me. All the best in everything. Till we meet again, if ever...that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-5797278781406203632007-11-25T11:53:00.000+08:002007-11-25T11:54:57.218+08:00Towards the unknownMany of my friends are leaving. =( I will really miss them. It's so hard to let go and say goodbye...<br /><br />Till we meet again...that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-41885336225493902032007-11-25T11:07:00.000+08:002007-11-25T11:28:57.031+08:00What are my talents?I'm a curiosity at my new school. People have been coming up to me and asking personal questions about me. Who am I? What do I do?<br /><br />Unfortunately, I have so much difficulty answering their questions. I habour many secrets, most of them which can ruin my life and make me look like a freak. Ever since coming to school, I am a mystery. Who is this strange new guy? What does he do? Why did he opt for the IB program?<br /><br />However, one particular question has particularly struck me.<br /><br /><blockquote>What are your hobbies? What are you good at? What do you always do when you get home?<br /><br /></blockquote><br /><br />I wish I could run away from those questions. I can't. Never in my life do so many people ask the same questions at the same time. My eyes flicked from one person to another. I portrayed a fearful image. I was hit by a sudden realisation that I don't know what my hobbies really are.<br /><br />In my Friendster profile and essays, I mentioned that my hobbies are reading and surfing the Internet. However, I know very well those are not exactly true. Internet is more of an addiction than a hobby. Honestly, you don't want to know the sites I visit. Heck, I don't even remember what I surf everyday, besides Hotmail, Gmail, Friendster, Facebook and a few blogs. =( Reading is, at best, done in one stretch followed by a long hiatus from reading. It depends on my mood.<br /><br />I sound like a hardcore nerd telling people I love reading. The inner me kicked my shins for telling a lie. It isn't a lie, but it isn't completely true either. It depends on the books I read. And I have a funny flaw. I don't remember what I read after a week, unless the book was really good. I don't normally re-read books either. So naturally, I can't go far telling people about a book other than "It's really good, you should read it.". I hope that by doing literature in English and Malay in IB, these will change.<br /><br />So what else do I do?<br /><br /><a href="http://soliloguy.blogspot.com/2007/11/what-are-my-talents.html#music">Music</a><br /><a href="http://soliloguy.blogspot.com/2007/11/what-are-my-talents.html#sports">Sports</a><br /><a href="http://soliloguy.blogspot.com/2007/11/what-are-my-talents.html#language">Language</a><br /><a href="http://soliloguy.blogspot.com/2007/11/what-are-my-talents.html#misc">Miscellaneous activities</a><br /><br /><br /><span id="fullpost"><a name="music"><b>A. Music</b></a><br /><br />I can't tell them because I'm not proud of the other things I do in life. To put it simply, I suck at them. A persistent activity I kept mentioning in this blog is my musical skills. I wish I could say I was okay at it, but I know that it's far from okay. It's terrible! I'm not musically-inclined either. I don't really listen to music (although nowadays, I'm listening to a few favourite songs), nor talk about music. My life appears to be musically-void. I feel extremely embarrassed to "confess" that I play the piano. In the first few days, I kept my musical "abilities" a secret from peers and teachers.<br /><br />I fear that I have to perform publicly, especially since I am now a "Grade 8" pianist. Just last lesson, I had wanted to ask my piano teacher, "Honestly, teacher. Am I bad at piano? Because face it, we both know I play terribly. What can I do? I don't think I can do this anymore" I'm not too sure how well I play "well-practiced" pieces. Throughout my entire piano career, all I can remember is my struggles in reading music sheets. My sight-reading skills are as bad as a Grade 3 musician. I can never read notes above ledger lines without counting up or down from a familiar note. I cannot read chords at all without wasting 10 seconds of my life. =S It's ironic that I'm doing Grade 8 musical theory.<br /><br />My poor sight-reading skills are a big hindrance to my musical abilities. I cannot fully exploit pieces because of my illiteracy. And worse, I'm staying away from new music pieces tailored for Grade 8 students. I think I'm playing Grade 3 pieces at the moment. I don't know. I feel so ashamed of it. I have been learning the piano for a decade and look where I am standing. Still struggling to keep my skills in par with Grade 8 standard. Look at my friends. Just a few years of piano playing, and look where they are! They are performing confidently in public, and they are so happy that they can churn a well-played music in a short span of time.<br /><br />I lack the dedication to music. Everytime before my piano lessons, I dread of playing my stagnant music and I always am so discouraged to play music. What I hear every time is my music stuttering. It's stupid, I tell you! =( I don't know what to do... I was told to play a variety of music to improve my sight-reading skills, but I kept holding back. I am afraid to make mistakes. I am afraid to hear of my atrocious playing. I am afraid to reading the daunting chords stacked up one upon another. I am afraid of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SATB">SATB</a>.<br /><br />I had wanted to give up piano. Because I'm not progressing. I have hit the wall and I can't progress further. And I want to run away from these embarrassment, so that I no longer have to tell people "I play the piano, and I'm in Grade 8" and having to play a poorly-executed song, embarrassing not only them, but myself. And my piano teacher...<br /><br />In my friend's Friendster profile, another friend was praising her musical abilities. She enjoyed performing for them. And this friend, who no longer goes piano classes, can still play the piano like a professional. And he's a beginner! I admit, I am jealous. Very jealous. And I'm upset. Very upset. Because I don't understand what went wrong with my musical journey.<br /><br />I'm a disappointment in music. =( I think I'm no longer qualified to play in music.<br /><br />And I have a crazy dream. Recently, I have been dreaming of playing the violin (or viola). I love the expressive tone of violin, so rich and so melodic. And it's portable too, so that you can hide it in the cupboard. I dream of being a violinist (or violist) in an orchestra, playing the entire <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Seasons_%28Vivaldi%29">The Four Season by Antonio Vivaldi</a>. I dream of getting engrossed in those musical works and hearing the thunderous applauses after the end of this magnum opus.<br /><br />I have been thinking of picking up the violin, so that I can resurrect the dead musical me, benefiting my piano as well. I know those are just wishful thinking because how can I be dedicated to such an instrument, let alone the piano? I don't want to invest more money into this instrument and not getting anywhere as well. *sigh*<br /><br />There goes one creative activity for <a href="http://www.ibo.org/diploma/curriculum/core/cas/">CAS</a>. I doubt music will be a big contributor to my creative hours.<br /><br /><br /><a name="sports"><b>B. Sports</b></a><br /><br />I don't do much sports. As you know, I do swim. Swimming is another activity which I do not mind declaring to people, but is one which I am quite embarrassed about. After taking unnecessary breaks from swimming lessons, I found out that I can longer swim 50 m properly. My front crawl is especially bad. My swimming posture invites plenty of water resistance and hindering my streamlining. So I always return feeling lethargic and wanting to sleep my day away. Swimming lessons are a big energy-drainer. I just don't understand how my strokes are all wrong. Sure, the basic strokes are correct, and I'm getting somewhere, but the physics is wrong. My Taekwondo instructor always told us that by doing sports with the proper and correct technique, one can never get fatigued because those techniques are benefiting our bodies the right way. So something is wrong. I suspected my strength is the limiting factor here.<br /><br />For a guy, I'm muscleless and puny. I can never lift heavy objects because my biceps and triceps are under-developed. And then, there's those other muscles and all. I just need to work on my strength if I want to be serious about sports. The problem is, I don't know how. =( It's a hindrance to my swimming. Whenever I push the water, I have to expend so much energy until I don't even bother trying to push the water away and propel myself forward. In the end, I'm just executing the stroke for the sake of executing the stroke, not to swim forward faster and more efficiently.<br /><br />The question of the day is do I do any sports? I was asked that frequently, and my answer is I swim. And that's it. I don't do much sports besides swimming. Basketball is definitely out of the question. Ugly events developed my hatred towards basketball. Never, ever again. And I feel so sad because I only swim, and I sound like a dork saying that I don't do much sports.<br /><br />I have crazy dreams. I dream of being a professional long-distance runner. I can imagine the announcer enthusiastically saying, "Look at that kid! I have never seen a runner who can maintain his pace and stamina. And look, he's nearing the finishing line and yes, ladies and gentlemen, we have our champion here!" Applauses echo throughout the stadium, and I imagine myself standing at the finishing line staring at disbelief while thinking I did it, I did it! =) On the other hand, I dream of being a marathoner too, running the entire 42 km at a consistent pace together with others who dream to finish the marathon as I do...<br /><br />But I know those are just wishful thinking because I don't run at all. Not everyday. When I ran the 1.5 km race the other day, I was kind of upset I didn't get the first place. Then again, it's no surprise as I don't even undergo running sessions everyday! I'm really proud of the fact that I still managed to beat many people and the fact that I didn't drop up halfway in the race, like many did. =)<br /><br />I dream of running like the wind. To run so gracefully and so fluid that it doesn't look like running, but more like a form of beauty. To transform a sport into a form of art. People will stare at me because they are intrigued by the beauty of my run.<br /><br />I'm crazy for having such extraordinary thoughts which will never happen! Hahaha! =D<br /><br /><br /><a name="language"><b>C. Language</b></a><br /><br />I take German lessons, as you know. I haven't been going to classes since August because I didn't really have the time to go through my German notes and review for it. Again, this is another proof of lack of dedication. However, interest is still sustained until today. I plan to spend my December holidays catching up on some German as well. In my new school, there is a German in my Maths class. A few days ago, he was reciting to his friends numbers in German.<br /><br /><span lang="de">"Eins, zwei, drei, fier, fuenf..."</span><br /><br />I was so tempted to continue it. <span lang="de">"Sechs, sieben, acht, neun, zehn, elf, zwoelf, dreizehn, fierzehn, fuenfzehn, sechzehn, siebzehn, achtzehn, neunzehn, zwanzig..."</span> And then telling everyone I am doing German ab initio in my spare time, and communicating with this German dude purely in German. It will be cool to have a "secret language"!<br /><br />I cannot do that. People will expect me to read German and speak German fluently. I know I'm not expected to do that, but knowing how people will react to language learners, they'll probably ask me anyway. I have to apologize with embarrassment and remind them I am still a learner.<br /><br />I do some creative writing too. Hahaha, like in English classes?! And the <a href="http://soliloguy.blogspot.com/2006/12/nanowrimo-post-mortem.html">NaNoWriMo I did last year</a> (which has yet to be completed). And this blog too. I can't exactly tell people about this blog and thus, I can't announce that I'm a blogger. I have not blogged in my other site for many months already anyway!<br /><br /><br /><a name="misc"><b>D. Miscellaneous activities</b></a><br /><br />Yes, I watch some television too. Mostly cartoons and some comedy. It's such a childish pastime, but well, I tend to avoid watching drama series. Past experience told me that I'm easily addicted to shows like that! =O<br /><br />Nowadays, I am still familiarising myself with my new <a href="http://www.ubuntu.com">Ubuntu</a> operating system. For one thing, I noticed my Windows XP is lagging really bad ever since installing Ubuntu. I can't think of the reasons behind it, other than Windows XP hating dual-booting with other operating systems. *shrugs*<br /><br />People, I'm not a nerd. The definition of <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/nerd">nerd</a> does not define me. (Okay, after reading that, I think I'm a nerd! O.O) I'm not into the sciences (except Biology but I don't do extra reading during my spare time). But the information I did not disclose gave them such an impression.<br /><br />I was skeptical about my brother's experience with culture clash in my new school. You know, after transferring to there myself, I am beginning to think he was serious. The people here are so different. More gregarious, more outgoing, more open and more accepting... It's not that it's not good; on the contrary! It is just that after stepping out of a majority-Asian school into a mini-America school, I noticed a stark contrast between these two worlds, and I feel so different. Honestly, I am integrating pretty well into my new school, but I feel that when they begin to approach me and ask me questions about myself, I falter. I suddenly couldn't understand myself. No, not the secrets I blogged here. But more like my very first layer. My basic personality. I feel so lost. I started questioning myself and trying to find my footing.<br /><br />Never in my life have I felt so lost. When I first came in my former school, people don't ask those questions. They just got to know me gradually, I guess.<br /><br />I'm so confused. And I'm so bothered by those basic questions which almost everyone can answer them without hesitation.<br /><br />Who am I? Why do I care so much about what people think of me?<br /><br />Help... =(</span>that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-44898594036874931522007-11-15T18:54:00.000+08:002007-11-15T19:00:17.634+08:00GRADUATION (unofficial)<span style="font-size: 25px;">It's over! =D</span><br /><br />I am still in shock. I have been looking forward to this day for a long time, and now that it is here, I am stunned to face reality. O Levels are over and I am hereby released as a free man. I am no longer imprisoned by dark, bleary days of poring over my notes. I am set free and there is no stopping me! =D<br /><br />I'm so happy and relieved, I don't think anything can ruin my mood! =D I'm super duper happy! Yes! Yes! *jumps in joy* Horray!<br /><br />I HAVE GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL! =D<br /><br />Rejoices! Liberation never felt so good, freedom never smelled sweeter; it is too good to be true. But it is, and I am loving every minute of it. Time, currently, is an illusion. ;)<br /><br />SCREAMS!<br /><br />Now, run along people. I need hedonism at the moment. Don't disturb me. =P Have a great weekend. Cheerios!that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33141744.post-10803353234263888362007-11-15T17:00:00.000+08:002007-11-15T22:23:09.849+08:00Exams!I haven't been blogging nowadays partly because I'm not in the mood to blog. I have no idea why... It just comes and goes. Another reason is because of the upcoming O Levels. Below is my exam schedule which I am willing to share since the exam is universal (it is an international exam and candidates are going to sit for it on the same day) and I thought it would be nice to let you guys keep track of my progress.<br /><br />The aim of posting this online is to happily cross them everything off once each exam is done. Well, it's a form of stress-reliever! ;)<br /><br /><span style="text-decoration: line-through;">19 September - English 4<br />27 September - Malay 3<br /><br />16 October - Biology 3<br />25 October - Physics 3, Computer Studies 1<br />30 October - Chemistry 3<br />31 October - D Maths 1<br /><br />1 November - Malay 1, Malay 2<br />5 November - D Maths 2<br />7 November - English 1, English 2<br />8 November - Geography 2<br />13 November - Biology 1, Biology 2<br />14 November - Physics 1, Physics 2, Geography 1<br />15 November - Chemistry 1, Chemistry 2</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 30px; font-weight: bold; color: #e12f2f;">15 November, 5 p.m. - Party(-ing)!</span><br /><br /><br />Addendum November 13, 12.01 p.m.: <br /><br />I'm so glad the memory-intensive subjects are over! What do I mean by "memory-intensive"? It basically means learning up many different concepts which are interrelated to one another. It also means having to stay up until 2 a.m. learning everything when the probability of each coming out is 33.3333333%! The three which fits this criteria are Computer Studies, Geography and Biology. Now that they're over and done with, I can give my poor brain a rest, at least from memorising and remembering.<br /><br />Never again! =O<br /><br />I wish... I'm still taking two of those subjects next year. What's wrong with me? Booo! At least these exams are over and done with. Now I need to focus on Physics and Chemistry. Less memory work, but more of application. And I suck at it! =O But first, a rest! =)<br /><br /><br />Addendum November 14, 3.57 p.m.:<br /><br />I have roughly <b>25 hours</b> till freedom. Can't wait! =D Oh, I had chicken rice for lunch before Geography 1. It was good spending some time alone. After that, I took away iced mocha from a coffeehouse. I drank it in school while "studying" Geography. I loved it. =) *slurp*that frolicsome kidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.com23