I did not forget what I said in this blog post regarding a blog post to be done on my crushes. So, here it is and witness yourself how each and every one of them did not blossom into love. =P

Disclaimer: They are not accurate descriptions as my memories are vague. Names have been changed into comical ones (not meant to be insulting ;) ). It's okay to laugh at them! ;) This is done to protect their identity, and mine...

Now let's rewind back to when I was in Year 3 (about 8 years ago!) and imagine me as a little kid with a squeaky voice. A naive little me (and I still am, except I'm not little anymore)! That was when I have my first girlfriend. Yep, at the teeny weeny age of 8 or 9 years old, and I already have got one. Cheeky me! =P Note that I have yet to grasp the concept of love, so despite the "boyfriend-girlfriend" status, I now realise it was just only a crush. =)

Carrot, my first "girlfriend". I still remember her really fair skin and spectacles. *whistle* She was one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. Her beauty is further enhanced by her sweet, good-nature, kind and cute characteristic. I love to talk to her; I remember my heart doing flip-flops when I neared her.

Of course, we shared some fun times doing unromantic stuffs. Just plain, friendly stuffs. Nothing too mushy because I didn't know how to flirt! =P I tried to make it special though.

So, one day, people noticed our closeness together and they began to label us as a couple. I think it was that, or I told people that she is my new "girlfriend". Of course, news spreads fast and soon the people in the same level as me know about the love affair I was having. I was happy. So that is what our relationship is called. A boyfriend-girlfriend one!

The next year, things got worse. We were split up into different classes and we don't talk to each other since. Unfortunately, people think that we still are going steady and the boyfriend-girlfriend became insults. We have since then been labeled like that. Looking back, I was really sorry that I have to tell everyone about it! It got to the point of annoyance, that I snapped every time they say that. I think that was what they want to see. My scrounging my face up trying to deny them when I still like her.

And I stopped seeing her. It was easy since she was in a different class. And my "love" to her slowly died down. We still see each other once in a while but not for long, because people will spot us and they will begin taunting us. It was that bad.

It went on through my whole primary years. Thank goodness I transferred myself into another school. I was starting to dislike most of the people there. The aforementioned one was part of the reason. Another one is that they don't accept me as who I am.

I was weird. A victim. I was always the bullies' victim. I have so-called "friends" there who took advantage of me. Things changed in Year 5 though. I suddenly became the top student of my class. Guess what? The insults hurled to me suddenly diminished.

Okay, I'm getting a little sidetracked here. That will be another story to tell. *chuckle*

Now, Carrot and I are still good friends even though we're both in different schools already. We kept in touch once in a while through instant messenger and our blogs. It's one of the friendships I value a lot even though we both don't really talk to each other now.

Year 6. I had a crush on my rival. The top student of the class while I was following close behind her. Her intelligence and mystery aura intrigued me. I was having a big crush on her. And I told my seat mate, again! =P Word spreads fast among her friends. Thankfully. At least it wasn't that well known.

I remember I was walking together with my classmates back to class after P.E. A friend of mine and hers caught up with me and she told me discreetly, "Do you know Suzuki likes you as well?" I was more than delighted! I think I was skipping all the way back to my class. And I never looked at her the same way again.

I began to notice her looking at me in an affectionate way. It's either that, or my imagination is forcing me to hallucinate things. I fell for her quite hard but I never expressed it to her. I was really scared of being rejected (I still am!). =(

Of course, being fierce academic rivals, I told her my marks in tests. =P Sometimes, I don't though. It's too bad my crush on her didn't go far. After I graduated from primary school, I moved to another school to begin my secondary years.

Year 7. I have a crush on Margarine, a good sports athlete in my class. She was a nice and genuine person. Guess what? One of my friends had a crush on her too! -.-" But he was rejected, followed by me. I confessed my feelings to her online on MSN Messenger. She was shocked to hear and she asked me why.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure what I told her and I forgot why I like her. Margarine's reply was "I don't love you, but you are like a brother to me.". What else can I say? At least I know we're still friends. That's better than nothing. My crush on her immediately disappeared. I don't really talk to her anymore, though.

Year 8. I think I told you guys this one; I mentioned about her, Akazukin ChaCha, on a previous blog post. How was I attracted to her. Again, her intelligence and beauty. She was fairly beautiful herself but boy, was she the fussiest and demanding person I have ever met! She has some good qualities which drew me to her.

Hahahaha, and my best friend and another guy in his senior years have a crush on her as well. =S

So anyway, one day, I told my best friend to follow me to the library. She was doing an assignment in class during recess before the "big confession". I drew her to a secluded corner and I told her "I like/love you" (I can't remember the exact word I used). And she ran off! Wasn't that an immediate rejection already (again)?

I went out gloomily with my friend who witnessed the whole thing by my invitation. I felt bad about myself. Did I scare her away like that? It was horribly scary, I didn't dare to see her again.

Somehow, we wound up being normal again, talking to each other like friends. There are quite a number of times when she asked me to "help her" in her homework and some other stuffs. Why should I help her with her homework when she is the Top 1 student in the entire level? It's really odd, don't you think?

That's how my crush ended. I told myself to take our relationships to a higher level again. I don't think I can stand it. It was much, much later when she got into a romance problem herself when she transferred into another school. There's this guy a few years her junior who fell in love with her at first sight and he immediately dumped his girlfriend at that time for her? Can you believe it? What a jerk! He didn't even know Akazukin ChaCha didn't even like him. And she felt that she couldn't escape from his love. She felt helpless despite me telling her that she has every right to "break up" with him.

And she asked me, "Can you be my boyfriend?"

Isn't the answer a resounding no? Why tell me that you like me after 2 years of no response from you? Sorry girlfriend, but I already have moved on. =( So yeah, we talked a bit about our previous relationships and that's it. I blocked her online. I know that was very mean of me, but I honestly don't know what else to do.

Today, I am still a "bachelor" wandering about like a lost vagabond with no directions. Hahahaha =P. Well, recently last year, I have a crush on one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen and a very devoted Christian. Let's call her Mona Lisa. =P



She's not outstandingly beautiful, but to me, she's like an angel. Kind, soft, sweet, nice... She's just awesome. I don't know whether she knows I like her or not. This time I am being very careful now. I told no one about this except a mutual friend of mine, and to you all. I don't know, but somehow, I can find a hint of myself in her. It's kind of odd but you know the feeling when you meet someone and you two instantly clicked together for some odd reason? Yeah, that's exactly how I feel.

I saw her already last time when I first joined Taekwondo Club in my school. She was just only the girl next door at that time. I cannot believe she ended up becoming someone who I like. =)

You know, she was the only person who I dared to look into her deep, brown eyes and who I find myself staring at her everytime without her knowledge. I don't know, but her eyes told me a lot about her. She has a beautiful soul. And I knew it very well. It's too bad I can't describe it in words. =(

My crush on her is dwindling at the moment since I haven't seen her for a very long time. Hopefully, it might rekindle when I get back to school. =P Honestly, I don't know how to take our relationship to a higher level. I don't know how to "flirt", honestly, even though I hang out with girls (!) most of the time. I just treat them as my friends and some as something even special. ;)

Anyone has tips for me? =P Heeheehee... ;) I guess just being myself is okay enough already.

Should I say this? Maybe I shouldn't. It's going to be embarrassing. And I'm not even sure whether it is wise for me to say it.

............

I think some may even hate me for this...=(

Are you ready?

............

No I'm not. Sorry for the suspense. I really don't think I should reveal it now. It's a very dark, hidden secret of mine which even I myself cannot really understand and conclude.

Maybe next time......Sorry! But I hope you enjoyed this post from a guy who has yet to find his true love. Hahaha! =P

[+] There's more!

Yesterday, I was unlucky enough to meet two very angry people. Luckily, I was able to keep my cool despite their anger influencing my unstable emotions. It wasn't a pretty sight, and I tried to cool them down.

The first fuming person who I encountered was my team mate in an inter-school competition finals. It was about some computer studies quiz which was pretty tough even for the participants, and the audience there. So this girl here, my team mate, answered questions (in MCQ form) directed at her wrongly. In fact, she didn't managed to answer all of them correctly and she was unable to buzz in quick enough for the speed round. In short, she felt she has let her school down horribly and disappointed with her performance. Her anguish very quickly turned into anger and I think she started to blame herself as our school got last position in the finale, but third nationwide.

I don't blame her for messing up badly on the real day. I really sympathized for her as the questions directed at her were pretty tough, even my brain couldn't process an answer. It was bad, hard really. There was one question which every computer student should know, but she couldn't answer that. It was ironic that she was enrolled into the finals by a computer teacher at my school although she didn't take up Computer Studies. She even questioned that herself. But I think that the computer teacher knows that she has the potential and ability to remember all the computer facts (just because she was competent with HTML, CSS, some Flash and Adobe Photoshop).

So after the result was announced, we went off the stage formally. A staff there ushered us to an exit which no one took except for us. Her face "scrunched up" into many frowns and I was starting to worry that she was about to blow! She hit the door that leads to another room with her fist, pretty strongly in fact. Thank goodness she didn't hurt herself. I can only do nothing but keep quiet and try not to worry too much about her as it was normal for people to let out their frustrations that way. Knowing her tempers, I was surprised that it sort of escalated to that level. Later on, I tried to console her by telling her not to worry too much about it, that everything that we were stressing so much about is over etc. It didn't quite work as she had totally fogged up her thoughts with anger. At least she still can control her temper and talk quite normally, except that she was more frank, direct and a bit rude.

I tried consoling her from time to time after the competition, and I think it sort of worked. She slowly cooled herself down and slowly recovered, although I knew deep inside, she was still worked up. Luckily, our teachers didn't say much. At least they didn't expected so much!

Seeing her getting worked up at how much she messed up the quiz, I can't help but remember what happened many years ago when I was in Primary 5. I could almost relate my experience to hers. It was during an inter-school Maths competition finals. Sadly, I was able to answer one question on the real day and even that question was answered with the help secretly offered by my team mate (he wasn't supposed to as it was an individual round, and no team discussion is allowed). I just stared and blinked for the whole of the competition. It was really embarrassing. I feel so useless on that day. It made the courses on mental arithmetic that I took redundant, and it sort of knocked on my confidence for Mathematics. My school won anyway, no thanks to me.

The next year, I was once again invited or rather "forced" to join the competition but I backed off this time. I knew I wasn't capable for such mathematical-intensive competitions. Indirectly, I told the teacher-in-charge that I express no intention to join on that year. That angered him, and he told me that he would give me several days to think through it. When the days were up, I got pretty scared and somehow I went to toilet and that was the time he came to my class to look for me. I wasn't there, and I remember one of my friends telling me that he was really really mad and even cursed me (or something less harsher, I really don't know). I have never felt so intimidated in my life. He never forced me to join again, as he can't do anything anymore. That really make me start to dislike Maths even more and I felt quite incompetent when it comes to doing calculations. I tried avoiding meeting him as I walk past him. It was scary I tell you. Lucky for me I moved to my present school the next year, and I can't tell you how very relieved I am of not seeing him again.

So yes, I can relate myself to her situation. Teachers who expect things highly from us make situations worse, but fortunately for her, it wasn't really the case. She's okay now, and I'm glad that she is!


The second person who got enraged yesterday was my very own little brother. According to him, he got mad because his online game kept 'lagging' (he kept putting the blame on the Internet connection, but I blame the game's server/spyware/adware) and he got disconnected several times. Finally, his patience running thin, he acted up and hit on his keyboard and system unit very hard. I didn't know what had came to him until he came to my room frowning and in a state of depression and tried in vain the game again with my mother's laptop. I guessed that it didn't work as he stormed out again to watch TV. I scolded him for getting angry over little things. I should have kept my mouth shut.

He wasn't feeling entertained of course. When it was time to go out and cycle, he went out and cycled very very slowly in a bad mood. It was a very endearing seeing my brother who is normally cheerful and happy to be very angry over a game. He's a violent kind of person actually, but he sometimes ensure that his temper is kept in check. I dare not or rather was too lazy to console him, but I was worried about him at the same time. I ended up chatting with him online even though he was a few inches away using the laptop. I felt more comfortable chatting with him than confronting him and asking what's wrong. Eventually, he found other things to entertain himself and he then forgot what got him so worked up!

It's really interesting but scary (of course!) to see how people let out their anger. Some hit on something, some like to shout out, some like to cuss and swear constantly (mantra to cure anger), some rather suppress it and hope the anger would go away (like me), some show anger on their face and stay silent throughout their anger (like me), some like to scapegoat (like me), some spill out their anger on their friends and close ones (like me) and some even want to chronicle their anger on their diary/blog (like me!). I know one who tried to smile when she is angry!

How many times did that 'like me' phrase appear? *chuckle*

Anger isn't a very nice feeling to experience, and it's not fun to encounter angry people. I wish I know how to cool people down from their flared anger. I couldn't really do that, and more often than not it only made them more angry! I can get angry pretty easily too, even over the most menial things, I admit. But now, I try to control my anger and make sure they don't affect the people around me but I fail sometimes.

Being angry means that anger can cloud your sane consciousness and you might do really stupid or foolish things that you will end up regretting later. It happened to me a few times.

But then it's only human to be angry, isn't it? Patience is the key to manage one's anger. I salute to those who can do so! I can't! Hehe...

[+] There's more!