29 March 2007

From:that frolicsome kid
To:Whom this may concern
Date:29 March 2007, 20:40
Subject: Work Playing Second Fiddle?  

My work are not done to be replaced!For the second time, my work played second fiddle. It was replaced by someone else's work which, in my (biased) opinion, lacks the interest and creativity. I feel that this is unfair on my part. Here I am in the magazine committee contributing virtually nothing to the creation of a mini-magazine (not the prefects' magazine below) and my work goes unappreciated. How? By dragging it to the Recycle Bin icon and replaced with a "professional-looking" cover page.

I know my skills in Adobe Photoshop is not as good as the Prefect Head's skills, but I myself knew that mine wasn't on the border of terror either. We were staying back many days to rush through this magazine as it was to be sent to the printer the next day. With a blur leader heading the committee, I'm not surprised that the sudden urgency of finishing this magazine as the due date approaches suddenly surfaced. The committee members (with one absent) together with the Prefect Head (a.k.a. Boss) put their hands together and made the best effort in finishing the magazine on time.

I requested the Boss that I will do on the cover, and she nodded her head. My colleague and I then brainstormed for ideas (taking nearly an hour) before we got it. I was pleased that the outcome of the brainstorm was an ingenious and nifty-looking front cover, very sure that it would intrigue anyone holding the little magazine on his hand.

I thought the Boss would like it as I felt it was a unique idea. I know you guys are wondering why show it to her instead of the committee leader? He was blur and he did not know what was going on and apparently the Boss adopted the position of the committee leader during that dire situation. In other words, it was understood that the committee leader was "simply there to signify his presence" while all the real managing was done by the Boss. The thing I don't understand was why the leader wasn't lectured by her to get things running! (If I were in his position last year, boy, I would be fried instantly.)

So I explained the conception of the image to her. She nodded her head and moved on to the editor-cum-designer who she taught to use Adobe Illustrator (I don't know whether it was the appropriate program, but it did the trick) and gave in her general input and ideas on the overall magazine design.

She helped to do parts of the magazine while the editor and I were busy twiddling with our respective tasks. The other one went home while the lax leader was frolicking about. Anyway, after some time, after getting some input from the Boss and the other committee members, I finished designing the cover (I thought it looked interesting).

To my utter disbelief, she HATED it! Her stupid critic eye scanned fervently for mistakes in my art, i.e. it looked too "informal" for a magazine, inappropriate photos, bad layout etc. I was slightly peeved off by her critical remarks but I kept my cool as I knew I won't be doing any good. She then apologised and told me that she can't help but be a perfectionist when it comes to art and hence, the need to be critical, further hinting how much better she could do.

Goodness gracious! It's the last moment, sister! There's no more time to be a 'Little Miss Perfectionist'. Wasn't mine at least decent enough to pass off as a front cover for the mini magazine? At it was nearly time for me to go home, I told her that I could redo it and send the file via e-mail or Windows Live Messenger or something. She reminded me that the file would too big and there wouldn't be ample time to send over and her later editing it. I forgot to asked her that I could send the JPEG file but I don't think she'll like it. I even offered to do it myself at home and pass her the file tomorrow. She didn't want that.

I did not relent and asked her whether I can be of anymore assistance to her. I honestly disliked not contributing at least something to the magazine and my front cover wasn't a good enough guarantee as she might create a totally new cover and dispose of mine. She told me that I gave all the helped needed and requested me to go. After few more minutes of persuading for work (I think I was a fool to do that, I don't think anyone asks for that!), she told me to help unplug her pen drive from my workstation.

I took her reactions as her hint and begrudgingly, I left the dark computer laboratory, leaving her alone in her solitude and let the creative juice possess her entire body and create beautiful computer art that even Leonardo da Vinci bows down his head in shame! I'm so sorry, but I offered to redo my work if needed. She stingingly told me not to worry about anything and that she can do it herself. HERSELF! I'm not surprised if she stayed up until 2 a.m. just to finish doing my cover and the whole magazine. I thought she asked for it.

Coming from a pseudo-perfectionist, perfectionists like her drive people insane! I don't get why she could not accept the committee members' imperfect work and maybe help modify their work if she "cannot stand it". I mean, I sacrificed my time just to help create the magazine even though we were in the midst of tests. I sincerely contributed my full attention and interest to create that "crap" and this is what I get in return? Shoving all my work away to make way for the best work just because it's too imperfect? I even got the opinions from my fellow colleagues and they said it was alright (don't know whether it was a white lie or not).

The Boss is also my friend as well, and I know she did not mean to imply this, but she insulted my work in a way. I don't like people insulting my work when I take the trouble to ensure that it is of a good quality and dedicating my time into doing the tasks thoroughly. I don't mind constructive criticisms though, at least I know which areas need to be addressed and improved.

Her actions make it seem the whole magazine thing was a one-man show; she did mostly everything (besides the editor's work). And I feel that my colleagues, including the leader, do not deserve the credits at all, especially me since I did virtually nothing! My work appeared no where in the magazine.

In other words, my work goes unappreciated. I feel that my existence at that day was not needed. I could have stayed at home and do something relaxing or study Chemistry and increase my chances of getting better grades. Unfortunately, I have to do this redundant job!

I wish I could say this is my first time experiencing it, but this is not. In fact last year, the same thing happened. It's like deja vu all over again! Last year, the scenario was this: I procrastinated my presentation during an inter-school visit and in the end did an okay-ish presentation which is decent enough to be presented. Sadly, I was bombarded for doing it at the last minute and from the moment onwards, I hated my other Boss. The "replacement" presentation, on the other hand, was worse than mine! Ohhh! During the inter-school visit, I was anxious and scared to see the replacement, and when everything was over, I felt like punching the Boss's face! He wasted my effort and energy put into my better presentation.

This is so frustrating! I hate these sort of things to happen. Looking at the mini magazine I have on the table now, I am tempted to steal a lighter and burn into ashes, and pound and grind the ashes into bitsy dust which are then sent to the incinerator.

*sigh* Leaders... So hard to please. To make matters worse, some enslave their subjects and subject them under his tyrannical control, and some simply do all the work for their subjects whose existence may very well be eradicated.

P.S. Sorry for the sarcasms in this blog post.

Anyway, to go off topic, I won't be around this weekend as I have to cross the border for an excursion. I'll be back blogging on Monday or Tuesday. *grin*

[+] There's more!

28 March 2007

From:that frolicsome kid
To:Whom this may concern
Date:28 March 2007, 21:10
Subject: Crazy Hat Parade!  

Crazy hat parade!Hey everybody, a wild party is currently on the go at the cyber cruise and crew members are showing off their most ridiculous and wackiest hat they have ever owned. I thought everyone's hat was great. The only problem is, I don't own any sort of hat myself. I decided to savage hats on board which maybe a careless crew might drop, but no such luck! =(

I entered the gents' washroom and I was about to do my business inside when I caught something at the corner of my eye. And I thought, why not! Very quickly, I adopted them as my hat of the night and they sure are wacky. I call my new hat...

My crazy hat

(Chap)Eau de Toilet(te) ;)

[+] There's more!

26 March 2007

From:that frolicsome kid
To:Whom this may concern
Date:26 March 2007, 22:17
Subject: Goals Meme  

Goal?I remembered that I was tagged by TopChamp once upon a time. Whoops, I can't believe it took me a month to respond to the tag. As I am in need to define my goals clearly, I am going to take advantage of this Five Things Meme and list down the goals I need to achieve this year. Priority is given to the most important tasks I need to accomplish, of course. ;)

Five goals to set my eyes on:

1. Faithfully revise at the very least 1 subject a day. This is so much easier said than done. =( With the hectic schedules I will be having up the coming year, I don't think I can risk burning the midnight oil again. I shall prove to myself that I can do it for the upcoming mid-year examinations. I have a feeling I will surprise myself (good or bad). A subject a day keeps procrastination at bay. =D (My conscience thinking: "Right...")

2. Improve on my linguistic skills, especially Malay. To be honest, my Malay teacher isn't helping much to further refine my stuttering Malay. I can even feel my grip on the language loosening and the level of Malay slowly sinking into the never-ending abyss. I seriously need to pull my ropes together - by reading Malay novels 24/7 and have that big fat Malay dictionary nearby to look up for unfamiliar (and once familiar) words. Hopefully, when my active vocabulary list has build up to the standard level, I'll be able to handle this language much more eloquently. =\ Same goes to English, I am beginning to feel that the once-beautiful words I spontaneously learned are slowly becoming cliched with frequent use. Time to widen the vocabulary pool. The same applies to German too.

It's the vocabulary in each of these respective languages that is holding me back from expressing myself "eloquently". I have no problems with understanding the syntax of these languages. My vocabulary needs to be expanded!

3. Get the school prefects' magazine done. I need to tell my council members to get writing reports of the school activities that took place this year. I need to study more magazines to get a feel of how magazines are designed. Time to subscribe to Readers' Digest! *chuckles* Cancel the humour there, I do not want to think about the head of prefect to give a big thumbs down to our magazine and begin doing everything by herself. =(

4. Learn to use Macromedia Flash 8 and master it within 3 months for the sake of an inter-school computer competition. I think it will be fun, but the problem is my reluctance to learn new things (again!) and also the lethargy of committing myself into it seriously.

5. Lastly, to learn to manage my time well. Without this, my mission of realising my goals will evaporate just like that. I need to say no to temptation, say no to procrastination and like what Nike has said: "Just do it!"

This time, I'm not tagging anyone but if you are up for it, then be my guest and have a go at this meme. You can talk five things about any subject; it does not need to be about your goals. =)

There are so many things I want to blog but I procrastinated again just couldn't find the time and energy to do so. This was also supposed to be written a long time ago, so that I know where I stand and where am I supposed to head. I wish I could sleep now but I need to learn up something for tomorrow's Flash training. *sigh* So much for beauty sleep. I see you guys soon! *weak smile*

[+] There's more!

25 March 2007

From:that frolicsome kid
To:Whom this may concern
Date:25 March 2007, 12:18
Subject: Anchors Ahoy at Rome, Italy!  

Flag of Rome

On a cruise to Rome!I'm sure everyone has heard of Rome, the beautiful capital of Italy filled with majestic history and was once the capital of ancient Roman civilization. This is definitely one stopover I am not going to miss! RennyBA is our tour guide for today and throughout the day, I will play some Italian music for everyone to listen and enjoy.

First off, let us sing the national anthem of Italy.

Flag of Italy - Il Tricolore

Playing: Il Canto degli Italiani

Location of Rome
© Wikipedia.org

Some facts about Rome you should know before leaving the cruise ;):

  • The capital of Italy
  • Located in the central-western portion of the Italian peninsula
  • 2.8 million residents residing in Rome!
  • Italian is mainly spoken but English is also wide understood
  • Famous for its Colosseum, one of the Seven Wonders of the World, as well as for its churches, architecture, food and football and many more (that's a lot!). This city is also famous for its history as it used to be the cradle of the Roman civilisation.
  • Remember to convert your money into Euros ;)
  • Don't forget to set your watches 2 hours after GMT. DST was recently implemented just hours ago.

© Wikipedia.org

I shall play out three songs for your enjoyment. If you would to request for more songs, do not hesitate to air your requests via comments below, and I'll gladly play it for you. =)

This is definitely one of my favourite baroque musics by none other than Antonio Vivaldi, the great Italian composer! Presenting the whole three movements of La Primavera (i.e. Allegro, Largo e Allegro) of the famous violin concertos, Le quattro stagioni. The speakers need to be turned up when playing this as some parts are played softly and cannot be heard properly.

Playing: La Primavera, by Antonio Vivaldi

This is a song I found off Youtube, and her voice is absolutely amazing! I never knew Italian can sound so bello.

Playing: Caruso, by Lara Fabian

I'm sure you guys have heard of Il Divo. I heard about them before but I wasn't too sure who they are. So I went online and did some research and to my surprise, they're a group of singers who sing songs in a few European languages, including Italian. I love this song I'm currently playing now; it's called Ti Amerò from their first album Il Divo.

Playing: Ti Amerò, by Il Divo

I think I shall hunt around the Internet for more of their songs! =D

Benvenuto in Italia, amici! Have loads of fun there. See you all later in the trip! =D Don't forget when you are in Rome, do as what the Romans do! ;)

[+] There's more!

24 March 2007

From:that frolicsome kid
To:Whom this may concern
Date:24 March 2007, 23:46
Subject: Out with the Old, In with the New!  

Another new templateErr... are you really at http://soliloguy.blogspot.com?

Yes, you are! Behold, the new face of this blog after spending so much time trying to migrate from old Blogger to the new one after three vain attempts. I finally did it at the last attempt! =D Of course, I used a Wordpress lookalike template from Gecko & Fly as the base of this template.

I cannot stand knowing the fact that I was unable to make full use of the new Blogger's features and widgets(which aren't so new anymore =P), like labels. Horray for organisation! It's too bad it's pretty time-consuming to add labels to my previous blog post. It's okay, I don't think there's a need to rush. ;)

As you can see here, I fully exploited made use of the cool new features. There's of course labels and an archive-cum-previous posts widget and I finally able to use the convenient GUI-interface provided by Blogger when modifying the page elements. No need to strain my eyes and seek for the correct section tediously!

Bobby's cool new widget called the Random Blog Button is now up at the NavBar above. I think it's a fabulous and nifty widget. ;)

As you are reading this, you probably notice smiley faces dotting all over my blog posts. It looks better now compared to text emoticons. Credits to Aditya Mukherjee for the script in adding emoticons. Thanks!

To the right of you is a picture of a shy kid (or rather, a toddler) holding a ten-gallon hat in front of his face. I thought it was rather apt for this blog (I'm talking more about the anonymity), plus it's also easier to vectorize it in Photoshop CS2. ;) Since this was my first experiment with vector art, I used a "rather simple" image from Getty Images and traced over it, vectorized and improvised the background a little bit to create a pseudo-cartoon character. Below is the original image:

Original portrait

It looks vastly different from the original one, and I'm quite happy with the output even though it's kind of tedious and time-consuming. I enjoyed doing it, though. =) If you want to learn this form of art, there are some pretty good tutorials over at Vexels.net. :)

Right below the cartoon kid are my awards. =) Scroll down a bit more and you'll see a new window which was not previously there, and they are the recent comments widget. You can even subscribe to the comments going on here. This is far by the most useful widget to me as sometimes I did not know a comment was left there in my previous blog posts until much, much later. =P Thanks to Ramani for sharing this cool widget.

And of course, there is the labels cloud where all the labels are clustered to form a cool looking "cloud". The code for it can be obtained from Phydeaux3.

These are not the only things I have changed. There are many more minor changes to this blog but I don't think they need a special mention. =P Oh, in case you guys missed it, I removed the Frappr map. I think it only slows down the download time of this site especially if you are a first-time visitor. Plus, I recently discovered that StatCounter does provide maps of where the visitors come from. Thanks guys for pinning your location onto that map. =) It's still online, you can still check it out. ;)

Anyway, I got to go now as it's getting very late over here. My eyelids are drooping... First off, apologies to Captain Lifecruiser for slacking off in my DJ-ing duties. Hehehehe! I was quite busy the past few days as I hung out with my friends and I had to do this template too. =P Don't worry, I'll be back first thing in the morning!

See you guys soon!

And yes, this is what I have busied myself with these past few days! *cheeky grin*

[+] There's more!

20 March 2007

From:that frolicsome kid
To:Whom this may concern
Date:20 March 2007, 11:46
Subject: Liberated!  

So happy!I finally plucked my courage and took the deep dive without caring for the world around me. The deadline to hand in the 'O' Level registration forms are looming closer and I simply had to do something. So I did. I went to see her, the Deputy Principal. After much discussion (or rather, a very pleasant informal conversation =) ), the outcome was this:

that frolicsome kid: "May I drop the subject?"
Deputy Principal: "Yes, you may."

Thank goodness she was able to see how much fifth formers have to juggle! Bless her! =D Even though admitting my mistake was the hardest step for me, she nodded her head in agreement and surprisingly, she was glad to hear that. She said that the school wanted me to achieve excellent results in my eight subjects, not to get mediocre results in nine. I think eight is more than enough; there's a lot more to life I want to see at this time. =)

Immediately stepping out of her office which I initially thought was claustrophobic and unwelcoming, I flew into a state of euphoria! My happiness and relief cannot be described in words, after all, it was as if a super big burden has been removed off me! Now I can finally concentrate and focus on my life and studies. I cannot believe this one big problem was a hindrance and a distraction in my life.

They say the first step is always the hardest. I agree. After overcoming it (i.e. fear), things can only get easier. =)

Now to settle up some other things, like handing up my O Levels registration form, completing my ASEAN scholarship form (yes, I was given the consent by my parents to try! =D), sending back the money order to the eBay buyer of which the sale of my item was unsuccessful since last month(charges incurred in banking in the cheque costs more than the book itself!), returning a book I borrowed last year (!) from my friend etc. Things are definitely looking up now! =)

[+] There's more!

19 March 2007

From:that frolicsome kid
To:Whom this may concern
Date:19 March 2007, 15:21
Subject: Anchors Ahoy at Barcelona, Spain!  

Flag of Barcelona

Ship sets sail!Hi everyone! This is the DJ of the Lifecruiser cruise ermm...grooving? Hahaha! Anyway, the idea of having a cyber cruise was conceived by Mrs. Lifecruiser and I say it's a marvelous idea. I have a dream of traveling around the world when I grow up (and can afford to cough out cash which goes 'Ka-ching'!) and I can at least fulfill part of my dream by participating in the virtual tours given by the A-Team Cruisers.

Since I joined in a few days late (wow, I can't imagine a crew like me coming late for the cruise =P) as I need to settle a few things over here in the other side of the world, like spending a last minute time with my elder brother. Anyway, do you like to take part in this cruise, if you haven't already? Complimentary TITs (No! No what you think! ;) ) are given by Mrs. Lifecruiser herself simply by linking to her site, which is http://lifecruiser.com, then tell her about it by e-mailing her. That's it! You're now part of this wonderful cyber cruise which brings you to wonderful spots around the world, like today's Barcelona hosted by Maremagnum!

¡Hola señor y señorita! ¡Bienvenida a bordo! Mucho gusto. Translation: Hello guys! Welcome aboard! It's great to know you all.

I hope my Spanish is understandable. It's not too good since I have forgotten what little I have learned last (err...last last?) year. =P I need to rely on my trusted Lonely Planet phrasebook!

Port de Barcelona
© Port de Barcelona

I'm currently at Port de Barcelona, now waiting for the Lifecruiser to berth at the port. Currently, it's 6.32 am in the morning at Barcelona and I'm feeling rather tired after flying all the way from Singapore where I transited from my country and after stopping over at Milan Malpensa Airport in Italy, and finally reached Aeroport de Barcelona after nearly 18 hours in flight. Whooo!!!

It is terribly expensive to charter a flight especially for me for this journey. Changi Airport officials weren't too happy about it, but I managed to bribe them with lots of money (LOL!) and their frowns turn into smiles. So, Mrs. Lifecruiser, you owe me $$$$$$! =P =P

It's too bad I couldn't see much of Barcelona from the taxi since I immediately dozed off after sitting on the cushion. Oh well, but at least I can see more of that later during the day! =D

Some information about Barcelona:

  • The second largest city in Spain after Madrid.
  • Located on the northeast coast of the Iberian Peninsula.
  • 1,673,075 dwellers (as of 2006)
  • Barcelonians speak Spanish and Catalan. They also can converse in English and French.
  • Has many unique historic architecture and beaches and it is also a well-known tourist attraction in Europe (Hey, even S Club 7 and Cheetah Girls shot their films there!)
  • Time over there: +1 GMT

Where Barcelona is located
© Wikipedia.org

Okay, enough about Barcelona. Maremagnum will later show us more of Barcelona! =D Now it's time to play some Spanish music! First of all, let us all sing the national anthem of Spain!

Flag of Spain

Playing: La Marcha Real
Source: Magun's Compass

Err... wait. There's no lyrics to La Marcha Real, Spain's national anthem! Surprise, surprise! Apparently, Spain is one of the few countries in the world whose national anthem has no official lyrics.

Let's spin out some more Spanish music: a traditional one and a contemporary one!

Playing: Flamenco

Flamenco is a genre of music in Spain which has the unique fast-paced rhythms and variable melodies which combined together gives an active mood and the urge to dance with this music. Yes, please make use of the Big Cruise Ball if your body begins to move with the music! Hahaha! =P I love the flamenco dancers (and especially their dresses! =O ). It gives the added grace to the music. =)

Playing: Aserejé

Listening to that song brings back a lot of memories. I remember how it was a big hit last time way back in 2002 and I love to try and imitate the famous Ketchup Dance on TV. Hahaha! Enjoy this song enjoyed by many!

If you guys want to request for more Spanish music, feel free to leave links to any Spanish music in your comments or if you would like me to upload it for you, be my guest and send me the music file via e-mail (my e-mail address is at the sidebar). Credits will be given to you (and the source of the music file, if any as well).

¡Hasta luego!. Enjoy the tour around Barcelona!

P.S. Tomorrow's destination will be (insert mystery town/city/port) over at Irish Church Lady. Yes, I'm sorry but I don't even know where it will be. That's why it's aptly called "mystery destination", lol! =P Check out the rest of the destinations this cyber cruise will anchor here.

[+] There's more!

18 March 2007

From:that frolicsome kid
To:Whom this may concern
Date:18 March 2007, 21:51
Subject: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?  

Bye bye... =(I cannot believe it. It was only two hours ago that the aura of my brother's jubilance and his girlfriend's soothing and melodious voice filled the house. Now, it's slowly dissipating away. Time flies by too fast. Too fast...

It was quite painful to say goodbye at the airport, despite me desperately trying to coax you two to change your minds and stay here. One month has passed and I enjoyed hanging out with you guys very much. You two have spiced up the family and we shared many good times (and bad times =P).

I just want to apologise to you both for being rather moody this past few days prior to your departure. It's just good timing that insignificant negative vibes began to take its toll. But it was great to share some of the "burdens" I had with you, and thank you both for lending your ears and giving advices. At least I know where I stand now. =)

I long for the days when we just cruised around the towns in the Lexus car. Even though we didn't do anything "productive" =P, I had a blast talking to you guys in the car. I long for the humorous jokes you love to crack everytime. I miss talking to you.

I miss you a lot, big bro and sis. =(

Hopefully, in the blink of the eye, December will come and we will once again see you in Australia.

My heart sort of shattered and I felt like crying when the glass doors to the departure room closed, acting as the separator in our lives. I knew that we won't be seeing each other for quite some time. *sigh* As my family and I walked down the stairs to the arrival hall, it was packed with people and I remembered fondly how we were one of them, and how my family and I greeted you two with a big welcome hug on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

Despite our distance apart, you two will always be my brother...and also my "sister", as well as best of friends.


I hope to see you guys soon. Take good care of yourselves. All the best to you two in your lives...

[+] There's more!

12 March 2007

From:that frolicsome kid
To:Whom this may concern
Date:12 March 2007, 16:21
Subject: Where in Academia do I stand?  

Really frustrated with my laziness.I think it's time to shed some truth. I haven't been studying the last week, and the last. I took the break mainly because I wasn't in the mood the blog. As you can see, my blog posts weren't as exciting as last time's, as if life has been sucked out of me. I think that's kind of true. Ever since school has begun, I haven't been quite myself (except in school, where I can laugh out loud with friends). According to my brother, he said I'm two completely different persons during the school holidays and during school days. He said I'm more serious now than the last time when I visited him.

That's kind of true. I had to be serious as it's really a crucial year for me this year. Unfortunately, I have yet to be fully committed to my school work. All I have done this year is paying attention in most of my classes, go home and worry about how I should catch up on schoolwork. And instead of concentrating on my revision, I went instead to play on my PC! This recurs every single day, until the final days leading to my first tests.

Something went wrong. I didn't have the heart to study. My heart felt heavy everytime when I touched my textbooks that are 150 pages thick on average. The dreaded texts of nothing but knowledge that needs to be crammed into my brain which is reapplied later in exams.

I then begin to worry how I have to pick up my books to study. It's a must, no excuses. To shrug myself away from my problem, I went online and surf around the Internet. I don't even know what websites I have been surfing. Possibly my friends' blogs and unfortunately, none of you guys' blogs...and mine.

I haven't been blogging consistently and I am very aware of that fact. I took school as an excuse but it wasn't really school. All of a sudden, my heart isn't into blogging anymore (indirectly related to my worries that I should be studying). I just wanted to get away from the blogosphere as I'm quite exhausted from blogging and I encountered relentless blogger's (writer's) block. That explains why I haven't been commenting at or visited your sites. I just want to thank you guys so much for patiently waiting for my return. =)

Back to what I was saying. Lately, I begun to lurk around The Student Room forum where I can get to read first-hand experiences of senior students studying in sixth forms and universities in U.K. It was exciting to read their posts and I really look up to them as they are mostly pretty diligent students themselves. I kept imagining and telling myself that in a few years' time, I will be like them enjoying university life.

That is my dream, and dream is what I do. Act is what I don't.

I told myself, "Snap out of it! If you don't do anything to pull your socks up now, you're not going to end up in university. That's not the way to do it. Pick up your books and make them a reality!". So I did, and I groaned. It's simply too much. I was lazy and tired of studying. I just want to have eternal good things to befall on me, just like that. I know life isn't going to work out that way, sadly I just don't realise it.

I have this hobby of daydreaming about my future. It rather simple really: Do A-Levels and do my four or five subjects, move on to a British university and major in Biology and maybe minoring in Psychology or some other things (it keeps changing) and get a job. What job? I don't know...

Somehow, the idea of doing Psychology isn't very appealing to me anymore. Sure, I'd like to study it, but am I ready to be committed to its field for 30 odd years? Sounds like a long time to me. And thus, plans of my future is messed up. And I have to strive to think up of backup plans, bringing me back to The Student Room and other miscellaneous university and career websites.

I think I'm too young to think about all these things. I worry too much about my future and I have set my sights too far. I need to have short-term goals, like to get distinctions in my O Levels. Yet, I cannot help but be interested in what happens to me in 2 - 3 years time. I forgot that absolutely anything can happen. It's funny that these happens during periods of exams and tests.

Very, very ironic. =S

I smile at the perfect plan(s) I have created. I will be disappointed when all things go wrong.

Like now, when I'm supposed to be studying for my tests tomorrow. Yet, I am the least bothered to pick up my finger to revise thoroughly. Maybe later, I always tell myself, at 11 pm where I can rush through and cram all the required information into that petite brain of mine.

There I go again. Procrastinating, and taking things for granted.

Taking things for granted... Eerily, that phrase keeps popping out to me. In books I read, during Christian religious knowledge classes, my best friend... Someone up there is trying to tell me something. And I fail to heed to it.

I think it's my attitude which is the main problem here. Ignorance and taking things for granted is just "so me". =( Why am I waiting for someone to give me a kick in the rear and shake me profusely, yelling me to wake up and take a look at reality?

This is really weird.

I have yet to tell the Deputy Principal that I'm going to drop Sociology. Yes, I made up my mind, I'm dropping it, because I took things for granted, thinking that it's piss easy and I can do it. Apparently, I couldn't because I did not apply the effort to try. In short, I am just plain lazy and I procrastinated. Again.

And that is why I never dared to tell her. It was my mistake. I thank myself for being stupid in making such a haste decision. And that's not the only reason why...

This is going to be embarrassing. =( Another reason why I never approached is because of my friends! I don't want them to know anything about me taking an additional subject, and me dropping it again in the end. Indirectly, the taking of Sociology was the cause for me dropping Additional Maths. If my teacher finds out about this, she's not going to be happy and shake her head. I should have taken it as extra instead of Sociology which I can learn properly in A Levels.

I was too impatient to wait for two years and then to pick it up. Being the "smart" person I am, I took it up first, and because I couldn't bare to not take Geography (I love the subject, despite the sheer amount of things I need to remember =P), I dropped Additional Maths. No one knows the real reason why. It's just "inappropriate" for an academically sound student like me to drop such a subject which is considered stimulating enough for me. I sometimes regretted my own decisions in dropping Additional Maths. From what I heard from friends, the chapters following the very first chapter we learned last year was quite easy and "a walk in a park".

*sigh* I cannot believe choices like that can ricochet off many problems that comes with it. My choices of subjects were inadvertently affected by my main sole decision which is hasty, i.e. taking up of Sociology.

Subconsciously, I am quite troubled by that. Now, I need to inform of my decisions to the Deputy Principal as soon as possible before it's too late. I fear that she will inform my form teacher of my decision, and she will unintentionally announced it to the whole class, with my friends shooting me questions that I couldn't really answer.

If that happens, I will honestly be in deep shit and there wouldn't be any way of dropping it without dying of embarrassment. =S

One haste decision, so many consequences. Is that what life is all about?

Due to that very reason, I kept thinking about it subconsciously and I will retaliate in horror with the sheer mention of the words "Sociology", "extra subject", "9th subject", "Additional Maths" and even "GCE O Levels". You can see my face going pale and I suddenly acting nervous and trembling. It's that bad seeing that it sparked off phobias after phobias, worries after worries, fears after fears...

I honestly want to turn back time and undo what I have done. A part of me don't want that, because I don't want to go through the hassles I have been through last year. *frowns*

I need to do something about it, fast! Yet I'm held back by fear. I'm really scared...

On the other hand, I saw an advertisement in the local newspaper about the ASEAN scholarship to study in Singapore for A Levels. I'd love to get hold of it, unfortunately that scholarship will present problems if I do get hold of it.

  • Subjects I would love to take up for A Levels, i.e. Sociology and Psychology, aren't offered by the MOE, let alone the schools themselves.
  • I can't choose my school.
  • I'm not ready to leave home.
  • From what I heard, the students over there are fiercely competitive and scary when it comes to education. So is life there.
  • There's CCAs to attend to besides school and that will take up a lot of time.
  • 7 subjects to do instead of 4, with 3 compulsory ones which I do not fancy doing.
  • I won't get to choose the schools myself.
  • I don't think I can cope with it.

On the other hand, the education in Singapore is rigorous and high in quality, thus securing my future. Not only that, but the busy life I will have over there will present me the opportunity to practice time management and to eradicate my problems of procrastination. Also, I will gain more life experiences.

Again, decisions, decisions, decisions. It's either I get hold of the scholarship and study for free in Singapore, or I stay home and go to a local sixth form public school where I can get "free education" from the government (since I'm a local).

This time, I'm determined to not make any mistakes again. Once has been enough to making my life a misery. =( I got until April 2 to respond, and during this short period, I need to ponder about it.

For the time being, I need to forget about it and concentrate on tomorrow's subjects. They're way more crucial! =P

To end this, it's my attitude which is the problem. Now, I need to change it by hook or by crook for the better. To benefit me not only now, but for the rest of my life. Commitments. It's so hard to make. And it comes hand in hand with determination.

The only problem is how.

I feel so much better now after heaving this off my chest! I hope you guys don't find it too weird - I need to be honest with myself. Thank you guys for reading, and once again, I apologise for my absence from this part of the blogosphere. =)

[+] There's more!

2 March 2007

From:that frolicsome kid
To:Whom this may concern
Date:2 March 2007, 22:04
Subject: Oh No!  

Oh my goodness, I can't believe carelessness kills (or rather, embarrasses me!). What happened was that, I commented on this blog post on a particular person's blog who studies in my school and I gave a too honest comment which is very embarrassing. Due to that, I put down my name as Anonymous. I typed out my comment and I published it.

Little did I know I have forgotten to remove my other blog URL (which was saved by the cookie when I last commented with Haloscan on my friends' sites)... And I can't do anything about it because the comments were powered by HaloScan and there is no button at all to delete comments.

So great! I'm anonymous, but my anonymity will soon be unmasked anyway. The blogger can quickly deduce who I am quickly. Either that, or a "friend" who loves to insult me will point it out to the blogger. That's just great.

I am so worried that I'll be severely humiliated. =( I can't believe I even wanted to comment on the blog! I was supposed to be a lurker, not an active reader! Besides, I don't really like the blogger myself (I don't even know the blogger personally even though I see the blogger around) and in no way will I want to even get to know her (sorry!).

Why must I even say things in such a wrong way? When my comment becomes a sensation among my friends and students in the school, I am so never stepping into my school AGAIN! >=(

And that's just great because now I will have to worry about this instead of my Grade 7 music theory exam which is tomorrow (and of which I tried miserably to study thoroughly - I am worried how am I going to pass it)!

This is so not my day...

P.S. Sorry for decline in blogging activity. I try to blog as and when it is possible. *weak smile*

[+] There's more!