I did not forget what I said in this blog post regarding a blog post to be done on my crushes. So, here it is and witness yourself how each and every one of them did not blossom into love. =P

Disclaimer: They are not accurate descriptions as my memories are vague. Names have been changed into comical ones (not meant to be insulting ;) ). It's okay to laugh at them! ;) This is done to protect their identity, and mine...

Now let's rewind back to when I was in Year 3 (about 8 years ago!) and imagine me as a little kid with a squeaky voice. A naive little me (and I still am, except I'm not little anymore)! That was when I have my first girlfriend. Yep, at the teeny weeny age of 8 or 9 years old, and I already have got one. Cheeky me! =P Note that I have yet to grasp the concept of love, so despite the "boyfriend-girlfriend" status, I now realise it was just only a crush. =)

Carrot, my first "girlfriend". I still remember her really fair skin and spectacles. *whistle* She was one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. Her beauty is further enhanced by her sweet, good-nature, kind and cute characteristic. I love to talk to her; I remember my heart doing flip-flops when I neared her.

Of course, we shared some fun times doing unromantic stuffs. Just plain, friendly stuffs. Nothing too mushy because I didn't know how to flirt! =P I tried to make it special though.

So, one day, people noticed our closeness together and they began to label us as a couple. I think it was that, or I told people that she is my new "girlfriend". Of course, news spreads fast and soon the people in the same level as me know about the love affair I was having. I was happy. So that is what our relationship is called. A boyfriend-girlfriend one!

The next year, things got worse. We were split up into different classes and we don't talk to each other since. Unfortunately, people think that we still are going steady and the boyfriend-girlfriend became insults. We have since then been labeled like that. Looking back, I was really sorry that I have to tell everyone about it! It got to the point of annoyance, that I snapped every time they say that. I think that was what they want to see. My scrounging my face up trying to deny them when I still like her.

And I stopped seeing her. It was easy since she was in a different class. And my "love" to her slowly died down. We still see each other once in a while but not for long, because people will spot us and they will begin taunting us. It was that bad.

It went on through my whole primary years. Thank goodness I transferred myself into another school. I was starting to dislike most of the people there. The aforementioned one was part of the reason. Another one is that they don't accept me as who I am.

I was weird. A victim. I was always the bullies' victim. I have so-called "friends" there who took advantage of me. Things changed in Year 5 though. I suddenly became the top student of my class. Guess what? The insults hurled to me suddenly diminished.

Okay, I'm getting a little sidetracked here. That will be another story to tell. *chuckle*

Now, Carrot and I are still good friends even though we're both in different schools already. We kept in touch once in a while through instant messenger and our blogs. It's one of the friendships I value a lot even though we both don't really talk to each other now.

Year 6. I had a crush on my rival. The top student of the class while I was following close behind her. Her intelligence and mystery aura intrigued me. I was having a big crush on her. And I told my seat mate, again! =P Word spreads fast among her friends. Thankfully. At least it wasn't that well known.

I remember I was walking together with my classmates back to class after P.E. A friend of mine and hers caught up with me and she told me discreetly, "Do you know Suzuki likes you as well?" I was more than delighted! I think I was skipping all the way back to my class. And I never looked at her the same way again.

I began to notice her looking at me in an affectionate way. It's either that, or my imagination is forcing me to hallucinate things. I fell for her quite hard but I never expressed it to her. I was really scared of being rejected (I still am!). =(

Of course, being fierce academic rivals, I told her my marks in tests. =P Sometimes, I don't though. It's too bad my crush on her didn't go far. After I graduated from primary school, I moved to another school to begin my secondary years.

Year 7. I have a crush on Margarine, a good sports athlete in my class. She was a nice and genuine person. Guess what? One of my friends had a crush on her too! -.-" But he was rejected, followed by me. I confessed my feelings to her online on MSN Messenger. She was shocked to hear and she asked me why.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure what I told her and I forgot why I like her. Margarine's reply was "I don't love you, but you are like a brother to me.". What else can I say? At least I know we're still friends. That's better than nothing. My crush on her immediately disappeared. I don't really talk to her anymore, though.

Year 8. I think I told you guys this one; I mentioned about her, Akazukin ChaCha, on a previous blog post. How was I attracted to her. Again, her intelligence and beauty. She was fairly beautiful herself but boy, was she the fussiest and demanding person I have ever met! She has some good qualities which drew me to her.

Hahahaha, and my best friend and another guy in his senior years have a crush on her as well. =S

So anyway, one day, I told my best friend to follow me to the library. She was doing an assignment in class during recess before the "big confession". I drew her to a secluded corner and I told her "I like/love you" (I can't remember the exact word I used). And she ran off! Wasn't that an immediate rejection already (again)?

I went out gloomily with my friend who witnessed the whole thing by my invitation. I felt bad about myself. Did I scare her away like that? It was horribly scary, I didn't dare to see her again.

Somehow, we wound up being normal again, talking to each other like friends. There are quite a number of times when she asked me to "help her" in her homework and some other stuffs. Why should I help her with her homework when she is the Top 1 student in the entire level? It's really odd, don't you think?

That's how my crush ended. I told myself to take our relationships to a higher level again. I don't think I can stand it. It was much, much later when she got into a romance problem herself when she transferred into another school. There's this guy a few years her junior who fell in love with her at first sight and he immediately dumped his girlfriend at that time for her? Can you believe it? What a jerk! He didn't even know Akazukin ChaCha didn't even like him. And she felt that she couldn't escape from his love. She felt helpless despite me telling her that she has every right to "break up" with him.

And she asked me, "Can you be my boyfriend?"

Isn't the answer a resounding no? Why tell me that you like me after 2 years of no response from you? Sorry girlfriend, but I already have moved on. =( So yeah, we talked a bit about our previous relationships and that's it. I blocked her online. I know that was very mean of me, but I honestly don't know what else to do.

Today, I am still a "bachelor" wandering about like a lost vagabond with no directions. Hahahaha =P. Well, recently last year, I have a crush on one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen and a very devoted Christian. Let's call her Mona Lisa. =P



She's not outstandingly beautiful, but to me, she's like an angel. Kind, soft, sweet, nice... She's just awesome. I don't know whether she knows I like her or not. This time I am being very careful now. I told no one about this except a mutual friend of mine, and to you all. I don't know, but somehow, I can find a hint of myself in her. It's kind of odd but you know the feeling when you meet someone and you two instantly clicked together for some odd reason? Yeah, that's exactly how I feel.

I saw her already last time when I first joined Taekwondo Club in my school. She was just only the girl next door at that time. I cannot believe she ended up becoming someone who I like. =)

You know, she was the only person who I dared to look into her deep, brown eyes and who I find myself staring at her everytime without her knowledge. I don't know, but her eyes told me a lot about her. She has a beautiful soul. And I knew it very well. It's too bad I can't describe it in words. =(

My crush on her is dwindling at the moment since I haven't seen her for a very long time. Hopefully, it might rekindle when I get back to school. =P Honestly, I don't know how to take our relationship to a higher level. I don't know how to "flirt", honestly, even though I hang out with girls (!) most of the time. I just treat them as my friends and some as something even special. ;)

Anyone has tips for me? =P Heeheehee... ;) I guess just being myself is okay enough already.

Should I say this? Maybe I shouldn't. It's going to be embarrassing. And I'm not even sure whether it is wise for me to say it.

............

I think some may even hate me for this...=(

Are you ready?

............

No I'm not. Sorry for the suspense. I really don't think I should reveal it now. It's a very dark, hidden secret of mine which even I myself cannot really understand and conclude.

Maybe next time......Sorry! But I hope you enjoyed this post from a guy who has yet to find his true love. Hahaha! =P