I'm kind of peeved that the web browsers in my PC kept on crashing for no reason, and thus the blog post that I have written is lost forever. And I have to retype everything again. Luckily, I didn't say much over there. Let's hope my mom's laptop I'm using now can last.

I'm sorry for not blogging for about a week or so. I wasn't home from Wednesday to Saturday as I went out of country to Sabah for a school holiday excursion trip. It was really fun. And for these past few days, I wasn't really in a mood to blog nor even bother to complete my 50 000 worded novel. That's bad. I feel so unmotivated to come back and find out that I'm already a few thousand words behind the recommended milestone I should achieve, and now it's getting worse. I'm already 10 000 words behind! It's frustrating really, and November is about to reach its 3rd week.

In this blog post, I want to vent out some of the frustrations I had yesterday from chatting with a certain girl. I shall give you some background knowledge on her. Two years ago, I had had quite a crush on this girl and set up a rendezvous with her at the library. In the presence of my best friend (I brought him along to give me moral support), I told her I like her, and she fled the scene. And I was heartbroken of course, as I took it as a sign that she didn't fancy me. So gradually, my feelings towards her slowly dwindle down even though we still remain as friends.

This year, she moved to another school and I remained in my school happily living my life. It was only a few months ago that she IM-ed me, finally telling me that she did indeed like me, but it was really too late for me, us to do anything because I totally have no more feelings for her. I appreciate the fact that she found the courage to tell me after all these years but I wonder what her intention was. She told me all this after she poured over her dilemma to me, saying that some guy 2 years younger than her fancied her, even loved her (talk about instant romance development). So she asked me for advice and I couldn't really give any proper ones because I have never ever experienced having a girlfriend yet. I do have a couple of crushes, but somehow, nothing work (I'm doomed to be a bachelor LOL!).

So I told her to dump him asap, seeing that she doesn't even like that guy and doesn't even know him that well(she knew him through her friend's friend). I really don't know why but she obligingly stuck by to him for a couple of months as she dare not break up with him although I have told her countless times to do so. She kept updating me with the news of how she was still with him and to be honest, I really am bored with hearing it and told her the same thing: break up with him.

She finally did recently, but the poor lovesick boy pestered her by miss calling her. It's sad, really. I wonder if he got the message that the girl doesn't like him. It takes two hands to clap, you know. Yesterday, she went on to tell me how busy she is now after her exams; she took part in many many academic competitions because she wanted her "sports house to win". I admit that it sound really impressive, although deep inside me I was jealous of her. You see, we used to be academic rivals. She took the top spot of the class while I am just behind her.

She got herself into such a busy mess, right? So why, oh why, does she have to rely on me to give her the points for her debate and her speech? I don't get it, she IS indeed smarter than me, so why does she rely on me instead of herself? I know I sound like a selfish guy and not being a very good altruist, but hey, I think she doesn't want to move that big brain of hers up there. Ha, you know what's worse? She decided to call me this Sunday (or some day) and expect answers from me. Whoah, that's getting a little bit too much ma'am!

I don't know why this time, she didn't want to pester other people besides me. I have noticed that she had started to take advantage of me last year (although not as much as others) by copying my homework, asking for help and do her academical whims and whams. Is it because she still thinks I am in love with her? No way, no more!

Okay, this sucks. I don't even know what I'm rambling about. I just don't want to help her at all, since it's her problem not mine! I might help her a little bit if only she already has come up with points and wants my suggestions for more.

In the end, we came to that "agreement" and I closed the chat window. I was busy chatting with some other friends online when suddenly, her window popped up, saying "HEY DARLING, PLEASE HELP ME!" I should be flattered, but I'm more grossed out and I feel even more compelled to not help her. So I was about to tell her off when she said that it was her friend who typed. I was pretty much enraged, but I kept those to myself. First of all, why does she tell her friend who I don't know that she used to like a guy who liked her? Her friend even called me by my name. And her friend went on to ask me what my fancy MSN handle means when I sort of ignored her because I don't get what she was talking about. Arrogantly, she quickly concluded that I don't even know what it means. Hello? I know what it means okay, I just don't get what you're typing! I felt such like an idiot, and was about to ignore both of them when she said bye. So bye, *@#$%!

What am I supposed to do when she calls me? Ignore her? Help her? Say "I havent't thought of anything yet?" (planning to use this excuse)? Arghhh, I'm so frustrated! Since when has her debate became my debate. I feel like a fool. And then on that day itself, her pleading voice might swoon me all over again.

Maybe it's the holiday bug that bit me.

Or not.

I don't feel like getting involve with her life anymore. I know that's pretty mean and drastic and she didn't do anything to "hurt" me. I don't know. Somehow, deep inside me, I just dislike her...

I hope she wouldn't keep to her word and so don't call me. Or even worse, come to my house and ask for help. I would not answer the door but my mom would be there and she will make me entertain and help my guests.

This is stupid...Help?