2 November 2007


From:that frolicsome kid
To:Whom this may concern
Date:2 November 2007, 22:20
Subject: Dissection of Exams  

  1. Chemistry practicals were alright, except for the fact that I deduced the cation in the qualitative analysis section wrongly. And I'm feeling sad about it because I missed out the gas test on ammonia when the result of the test was printed in the paper in front of my very eyes. And I feel upset by it. =(

  2. I will make sure I'll study the variations topic thoroughly in Maths 2. I've lost a good sum of marks from questions involving variables. And I'm sad because I am capable of answering correct if only I studied more thoroughly and actually move my lazy bum away from the computer! =(

  3. Oh, the Malay papers were absolutely disastrous. My active vocabulary was pretty limited but I was glad to read a Malay novel the day before. I managed to make use of some nifty words I came across. =) I'm afraid my essay went out of topic. =( Paper 2 was alright. However, I disliked the papers this year. It isn't because it was hard, but it was pretty dry and boring. I could not appreciate the literary works of the papers.


So I'm in the middle of a break, and the next paper wouldn't be until the upcoming Monday. 2 subjects completely down, 6 more to go...

Surprisingly, interesting things can actually happen in the midst of exams! =D Yesterday, after reading Tina Su's blog post on meditation, I have decided to give it a try. So I chose a spot on the carpet, sat cross-legged, closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I tried to mimic my mom (she meditates during her morning prayers). It went alright until out of the blue, I bursted out laughing. And I laughed really hard! -.-" I have no idea what happened to me and it spoiled everything! =D Nevertheless, I tried again and made sure I fully concentrated on my breathing. Most of the time, I was conscious of my breathing but there were sporadic moments when thoughts hovered for a while.

It was five minutes later when I reopened my eyes, and I felt strangely calm. I wasn't even sure where I was or who I was. It was that refreshing! =O I sat that dumbfounded for a while enjoying the blank sensation (hahaha!) before I got up and went back to work full of vitality.

Well, the positive attitude didn't last long but it was better than nothing. =) I sort of forgot to meditate today, but I'll try to do it tomorrow. I think this will be my new therapy to silence my thoughts. We shall see how it goes. =)

When I got to school later, my friend approached and told me he liked his birthday present. I was so happy because he was the third person to say that, and the two others liked their presents too. I went to cloud nine when he commented that I have the "knack" of knowing the inner desires of people. I was grinning widely and I wished he could say that again and again. He did a few times. Hahaha! I was really happy to hear that. =) By the way, he is the second person to praise my "ability". I'm overjoyed to hear people saying how much they liked their gifts. =)

Later that night, I decided to read a post-apocalypse novel called The Road. It was pretty dull at first to read the similar descriptions. When it came to the middle, I was really shocked at what people will desperately do to survive. I was freaked out when the author introduced cannibalism to the story. There were only a handful of survivors, and a few decided to eat other survivors to survive. I shivered in horror and frowned in disgust. It was immoral and unethical but it's all done in the name of survival. I don't know... =S

The ending wasn't that good. I should have expected that anyway. What could get better after the end of the world? =O I do not enjoy reading stories with a depressing ending. Despite that, it was a pretty good book. Shocking and dreadful, but good nonetheless. I'm still kind of freaked out by the horrid scenes the author had painted.

I slept at 2 a.m. last night as I actually read the entire book in one sitting. It isn't worth reading books till late, especially books that are uneducational! =O I would forgive myself if I was reading Geography instead. I shrugged and went to bed exhausted, but somehow, a bit satisfied.

I had a nightmare this morning. It was a nightmare because a dark side of me was exposed. It had something to do with my neighbours. If you remembered, I stopped playing basketball with them a few months ago. In that dream, my neighbour's upset mother approached me and handed me a piece of paper.

"What is this?" I asked.

"I would like to press charges against you for stopping to entertain my boys. I thought you look like a good guy, so polite and friendly. As it turns out, you're not, you're putting up a show. Deep inside, you're insensitive, cold and heartless," she responded angrily in Chinese.

"WHAT?!"

I was in utter shock because she sued me and decided to take matters to court. Secondly, relationships make and break. I was so taken aback at the severity of emotional pains I had made. It was pretty clear I had somehow strained the ties but I had no idea it was that serious.

And when she said I was a great pretender, it was as if I were slapped in the face.

Insensitive, cold and heartless.

I have a confession to make. *sigh* Despite me being friendly and all, I can be really unsocial, reserved and dark when I'm not in a good mood. Or sometimes even when I'm in a better mood. I don't know why I do that... I tend to do that especially when I go out. There is this unexplained fear of meeting some people I know. It's as if I want to try and hide from them. Why? I have no idea. Maybe I'm being selfish for thinking that, "This is my turf." or "This is the only time I'm out. Go away; I want to be left alone.", especially when I'm alone.

I love to go outdoors myself. It's a time when I can connect with myself and enjoy and appreciate everything. I do not want to accidentally bump into people when I'm doing something no one expects me to, like picking up a romance novel in a bookstore, or browsing through the motivational/self-help section. I do not want acquaintances and friends to know my tastes or what goes on in my life. I just want to do whatever I feel like doing. That's all.

Or sometimes, I just dislike bumping into people I know for no particular reason. I try to hide myself and walk away. And when I dislike someone, I generally try to stay as far away from him as possible so that he will not see my expression. I'm a pretty expressive person, so you can immediately know what goes on inside my head whenever you see me.

I really think there is more to this hidden dark side of mine, but I am unable to completely reason with it. In a way, it's irrational. Am I hiding my vulnerabilities from people? I do tell a few close friends a great deal about myself because I feel safe telling it to them.

I am so confused.

In that dream, I crouched back and looked at her in horror. Her words were like a dagger piercing through my heart. It somehow made a strong impression on me. I withdrew and looked at her in fear. I whimpered. "No, no, no..." And I woke up, my heart beating.

Did my neighbour sue me because I stopped hanging out with him?

I tried to think back. I wasn't able to remember when I last saw him. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was a bad nightmare, albeit a short one. It was time to visit MV Doulos, the floating bookstore (with great bargains!). It is their last day berthing today, and they'll be leaving. I got myself ready and then went to the ship alone.

There were a lot of people on the ship. I was quite taken aback because I do not remember seeing this much people in local bookstores. And the selection of books on board were diverse. I was pleasantly surprised. It was like a mini-Borders bookstore, except it was near home. I grinned broadly and made my way inside. It was stuffy and humid as it was quite hot and the place wasn't air-conditioned. But it was okay because I was blinded by my love for the books on sale.

And were they really affordable! I managed to buy 12 books (books I won't really pick up normally) and they cost me only less than US$100.00. It was a steal! =D I couldn't believe my eyes. I even had to double check the prices to ensure that they don't exceed my small budget. I was happy, because normally, that many books will cost me US$150.00 or more if they were bought locally or in Australia or Singapore. They were really heavy. Oomph!

I missed the opportunity to talk with the crew and staff on board. They seem really friendly and nice. I was kind of timid, shy and scared at the same time. When I got in the car, I kicked myself for missing an incredible opportunity. Oh well! Anyway, I did meet a few interesting people on board. I met the girl who bullied me in kindergarten (I doubt she even remembers me), an ex-classmate and most importantly, a famous local photoblogger!

I was so amazed to see him in person taking macro-shots of merchandises on sale. And he did it in front of me. I was in awe of his photographing skills. I pretended to read the atlas while I stole glances at him. His shots were quick and spontaneous, and he had a pretty good-looking camera! =D I was very tempted to greet him and say, "Hey! I love your blog and your pictures! They are so cool. What an honour to meet you!"

I didn't because I was so scared I'll scare him silly. So I stood a few metres away and watched him, a professional, snapping pictures. I wandered over to another aisle to look at more books. I also do not want to arouse suspicion! =O I was walking when I saw him again taking another picture. I looked at a large-print (like, really large!) children's book while I tried seeing him in action. I laughed at the big text and the cute illustrations. After that, he was gone and I didn't see him anymore, so after some time, I paid for my purchases and went home. I was happy to know that my money was well-spent.

Some of the books I bought were a Sudoku puzzle book, (I wanted to see what the hype was all about), a study guide, a survival book (yes, I was that paranoid after reading the novel! =P Nah, I think it's a handy book) and the complete works of Shakespeare which was only US$11.00! I think being English enthusiast, I should get to know Shakespeare, but when I read a bit, I found the Shakespearean language very confusing! Regardless, what a steal it was! =D

Just now, an uninvited guest (with his wife) came over to my house. They were my ex-crush parents. I groaned. Oh no, what are they doing here so suddenly? I feel uncomfortable around house guests, but to have an uninvited guest show up... It was enough to make me anxious. I was kind of upset that they showed up all of a sudden. I don't know why, but I was so scared they are arranging my marriage with my ex-crush. (Ill! That was so over. =O ) Thank goodness they didn't stay long. I was wondering what their ulterior motive was. According to my dad, they just wanted to catch up. They never even called to let us know they are coming. Oh well!!! I guess this won't be their last visit since they have done that a couple of times already.

It's back to Geography again. Thanks for reading. =) See you guys soon!

Comments (7):

Hey,

Thanks for mentioning me. I appreciate the link!

I'm glad to hear you tried it. You know, even if you burst out laughing.. that's okay.. you are happy.. laughing is good. :) Keep doing it and you'll start to notice significant differences. You'll get better at school too: concentration, focus, understanding.

Best,
Tina

No problem, Tina! =) I hope I could achieve that. I think I better try some more. =P

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