I spent my whole afternoon and today fiddling with Adobe Photoshop once again trying to manipulate pictures to create vector artworks (see the boy with his head on the sidebar as an example). I initially wanted to toy around with my Sims but I have a sudden urge to produce another vector art. So I did and I created a decent-looking vectorized Beast Boy from Teen Titans. I was pretty satisfied with the outcome and I'm glad I am since I spent the whole afternoon and night yesterday working on him. =D I tried creating an animal vector today but unfortunately, it ended up looking like a golden idol instead of a live mammal with fur! It looked too odd; I gave up halfway and I resorted to reading books instead.

While vectorizing the pictures, I spent many a happy minute zooming in the details of the picture while exploiting the Pen tool to match the shapes and colours of the original. I enjoy myself immensely. Sometimes, my thoughts wander and I ask myself why I am dedicating so much of my time to such an unproductive job? I thought I was being a spoilsport to think like that. Today is a day off from school! So why am I idling my mind to do such a monotonous job, as from other point of views?

I have this odd notion that I have to make sure every inch of my grey matter has to be occupied and stimulated by my hobbies and whatever things I do, else it wouldn't be termed one and I would simply be "wasting my time". Sure, it's good to give my brain a break once in a while after exerting its brainpower and taxing it, but I don't know how much is too little, or too much. The only thing I can feel is that pangs of regret will bubble up from inside me, and to be frank, I don't know what I regret about.

Back to my vectorizing. It's a wonder how I can spend hours upon hours to try and smooth out the art. The funny thing is that the same results can be achieved by other people in a shorter time and usually with a far better outcome. When I think of that, suddenly I don't feel quite good about it. =S It's like as if it's not on par with the majority.

Now wait a minute! Here I am again comparing myself with others. Why do I have to give myself the unneeded stress? I don't recall I being exceptionally good in art! =P Hahahaha! Come to think of it, vectorizing is my "best" art although it's not very impressive. =P Sometimes, I do wonder why I seek the fun of doing it even though it's not mentally stimulating...

On the other hand, my hobbies can actually be quite addictive! Like reading. Nearing the end of my exams, I picked out a book from my shelf of unread books and I started reading. That was when I rediscovered the joys of reading. I just love to immerse myself into the story - into the author's world and let him or her take me on a wonderful journey where my emotions are toyed with. I feel very satisfied if the whole story itself is pretty good as I know it is time well spent. It feels awful to have read a very thick book only to find that the whole book isn't very interesting or a complete flop. I guess that is why I tend to avoid reading books over 300 pages thick. I doubt its quality. =\

Once the story is wrapped up, I can fly into either a bliss of elation or sadness, depending on the mood of the story. In the end though, I always ask myself, "Is it worth my time to spend reading a novel? In what way does it help me?" Sometimes, I do get the moral behind the story but sadly, I've never tried to apply them in my life. I also tend not to remember the knowledge the author has included in the story. Within a few hours time, I would have completely forgotten what I had just read and continue living normally as if the book has played no significance in my life.

I gain nothing much from novels and yet, I still read them. They are highly entertaining, that's for sure. But, what good can I derive out of them? Am I doing something unproductive, or did I spend my time wisely? Even during the holidays when I have nothing better to do but to read and pass time, I asked myself that question.

Internet is starting to take a toll over my life as it completely displace the rest of my hobbies and I find myself doomed to surf the Internet aimlessly. It's like I'm loitering virtually, as a bad, obsessive hobby. It's weird. There isn't anything much I want to specifically see and yet, I'm losing many hours to my compulsive random online surfing.

Many times, my conscience tell me to stop and get back with reality. I can even feel myself physically tired and want to tear away from the screen. Eerily, there's this part of me which encourages me to continue. And continue I did. Is it wrong to do this during the holidays?

What's worse is, even my school work is quite affected by it. The recent exams I had had is a strong evidence of my sacrificing my study time for the sake of going online! And what more, I do not remember what I was surfing at all! I felt so passive, useless and lazy. What was I doing? Why did I do it? Why do I still continue doing it? All these questions are attacking my brain.

Am I suffering from Internet "addiction"? What was once a hobby became something worse?

I certainly hope not. If I really am, I guess I have take measures to stop it once and for all, seeing that it's not healthy in the long run.

......

After typing all these out, I realised one thing. I treat everything I do too seriously. It seems like in whatever I do, I try to get the benefit out from entertainment. I don't know why it is a must for me to do beneficial things. So what is really beneficial for me? For me, it is gaining knowledge. My education. Ensuring that the activities I do somehow exercises my brain so that it will not fall into disuse. Yet, the biggest irony is that I'm not paying as much attention to my studies and my physical health anymore. I haven't been catering my brain by feeding it with knowledge. I have slackened, and...well, frankly, I don't care! =O

Are all these feelings a result of too much play, or too much work? It seems like my equilibrium of work and play has been distorted, and the lever is slumping down to one of the extremes rather steeply.

With that said, philosophy is a subject I don't really enjoy indulging and involving myself in! Philosophy, in this case, is "the rational investigation of the truths and principles of being, knowledge, or conduct". Not my own philosophy of living; I do that kind of thinking all the time. =P I seriously dislike delving into this discipline and asking ridiculous questions to get answers that border the level of Socrates (or some other philosopher in history. =S ). That's probably why I have a certain peeve towards people who give you answers that in a way, don't really answer the question and forces the listeners to think instead. I noticed this mainly occuring among the guys and well, it annoys me to a certain extent. I just want a straight answer, not a U-turn answer which ricochets off in a blurred way and doesn't really help.

Thus, logic thinking is a no-no to me. Lol! =D How ironic, don't you think? ;) This, I guess, stimulates my brain a lot and can be "useful" but it's too bad it clashes with my very nature.

Oh great, now I have sucked myself into a vortex of questions. Hoo boy...

Are hobbies and leisure activities good and healthy to pursue (not counting my surfing the Internet as a "obsession" (Is mine that extreme?)?)?