My little brother drives me really mad at times. Today was especially bad!

We were playing the monkey game with our neighbours. I noticed my brother was acting like some big show-off and being a tough game the entire time, when playing a game of basketball and the monkey game. It all happened very quickly: He tossed the ball hard and just right into my very face and it hit my glasses. My glasses suddenly became deformed and was loosened, and one of the lenses came off too. The whole contraption dropped to the floor.

I was enraged because I wasn't in a very good mood at that time (I'll explain later) and his attitude of playing basketball and that "accident" made me snapped. I was scolding him for being so rough with the ball and I blamed him for wrecking my glasses (thank goodness mine is durable, but I was very concerned about it at that time). Guess what that jerk said?

"Who asked you to wear glasses? Eh!"

It's not my fault if I'm so short-sighted. I hate it when my glasses are disturbed like that. I fear my lens would shatter and the pieces piercing my eyeball. And I fear breaking my glasses because without them, I'm very blur. For your information, my spherical lens prescription for my right eye is -5.00, while my left eye is -5.25. That's very bad. =(

I flamed up! I went up to him, pushed him and called foul names to him (you don't want to know what I called him). I couldn't control myself. I was in a horrible mood already and furthermore, he added insult to injury. I yelled at him, I made him come look for my glasses. And he stormed off! That big baboon!

All this happened in front of my neighbours. It was so embarrassing and the commotion made the situation horribly awkward. I quickly walked back to my house uttering that I'll come back tomorrow and play and immediately stormed up to let my mother know of the unpleasant news.

My brother with his sucky attitude made a cacophony of noises, banged doors and shouted profanities.

Ughhh! I wished I could blog more but I need to revise the essentials for tomorrow's Chemistry practical exam. Keep watch of this blog post.

I'm so mad with him and his cocky attitude, but I'm quite ashamed of myself too for reacting in such a negative way and getting "international attention". =\


Addendum: 26 May, 2007, 23:25

What happened before this (and this ruined my mood) was that my neighbour was being a pest and he was constantly calling my house telephone just to remind me to go to his house and play basketball. I'm pretty much annoyed because I honestly didn't feel like going there due to personal reasons. There are two things that I cannot tolerate: telephone rings and incessant ringing doorbells! Telephone rings usually mean trouble to me. I developed an averse reaction to it. This happened when I was in Year 9 when the whole class had to complete a Computer Studies coursework for the public examinations and a quite a number of my classmates had constantly bugged me about how to do their projects. I mean, hello, why ask me? Why don't you ask our teacher? What makes you think I have all the time in the world to spoonfeed you and complete your project on your behalf. It IS annoying! The worse thing is that this happens everyday, particularly when the deadline was looming near.

That is why I have no intention of having a mobile phone. It's stupid, it's pointless and there exists the formerly MSN Messenger where I could be reached. Did I mention I hate the ringing telephone sound. Kring kring! Kring kring! And some other modern telephone rings that you have, e.g. Nokia ringtone, the standard Ring Ring to your musical ringtone from some music. I totally despise them, especially when they are addressed to me.

Somehow, this affected my tolerance with ringing doorbells too. I associate it with trouble.

So when the doorbell gave its loud shrill constantly, I blew up because I couldn't stand the noise. Naturally, I blamed my brother as he is the only one who is capable of doing it (he has a weird style of ringing doorbells continuously). My mother was pretty stressed about my anger and she told me that my neighbours were the culprit, not my brother. I was very embarrassed and being angry did not help either. =(

My mother gave me a lecture of the importance of exercise and the need to entertain my neighbours who took the pain and trouble of constantly reminding me to go to his house. This went on to no man should be an island (however the phrase goes =S ). It's not that I don't like playing basketball with my neighbours. I just cannot stand their cocky attitude, especially the eldest brother of that family who is a few years my junior. Just because he's the best basketball player of his level, it doesn't mean that he is granted the right to play rough and/or unfairly, or to find the faults of the players whenever he knows he is losing (the extreme kiasuism). I'm alright with his younger sibling, I just can't stand his attitude.

I wanted to tell my mother that but I decided against it as it might prolong the lecture and she might say, "Different people have different attitudes - just bear with it!". Okay, maybe I'm selfish. My mom is right that we sometimes have to please people because they have taken the trouble to invite us everytime. On the other hand, during a Christian religious knowledge lesson, we were told the story of a neighbour who constantly walks to school with his neighbour every morning without fail, until the affected party was sick and tired of walking with him. That's exactly how I feel. I need the space and time away from basketball. I just want to be left alone!

In the end, I shrugged and I hesitated to join my neighbour. I couldn't just show up there wearing a black face and ruin their game, just because I "have a bad mood, I'm showing you my black face so that you will know not to piss me off"! =\ Sadly, I still do that at times (or many times). Nah! I sat in the sofa and wait for time to pass while I sit down there and contemplate my feelings before setting off for another game. I grumbled and I mumbled and I threw some undecipherable baby words.

Somehow during my mother's lecture, she told me that my dad suffers from a minor high blood pressure while she found out that there's something wrong about her breast. It worried me because my parents are the healthiest people I ever know, especially my mother. I was shocked to learn of this fact. Their old age didn't help either. =( Furthermore, my mom had trouble with her office as she realised she has lost a couple of clients in the past years and she's struggling to resolve things. I'm so sorry that I had to trouble her yesterday...

That worsened my mood.

When I was able to drag myself to my neighbour's house, I was already in a fragile state. I perked up when I came to learn that the elder son was not at home for a few days' time and I am so happy because this means I can have loads of fun with my neighbour's kids! =D So I joined in the game. And I noticed that my brother was trying to act cool and all, and he was being a horrible, selfish and conceited team member as he completely disregarded his team member who is the little girl neighbour in kindergarten.

Then, the above had happened.

I was so mad I barged into my parents' room and raised my complain! My mother quickly went down and called my little brother out of the room. Then we were lectured, again! I got twice in one day. That day just couldn't get any better...

Apparently, my brother's actions were accidental. I refused to believe it because he did not apologized to me at all the whole time. I assumed he premeditated his actions. Again I was shocked to realise my possible mistake and I got even angrier and tried to tell my mom in vain that it is not my fault, and that he did it in purpose. His actions following the accident were very provocative; surely it was more than an accident?

Then my mom came to the conclusion that we are spoiled brats!

Of course, I was enraged. I'm not spoilt! And I refuse to believe it. It's very rare that I complain about every single, itty bitty thing that does not please me. I believe that was more than an itty bitty thing. And she said that we turned a small matter into a huge matter. Correction: it's him!

Who was the one who banged the door when I scolded my brother for being careless and having a sharp tongue? Not me... HIM!

Argh!!!!

Fine. I never owned up that I called my brother a bastard for his actions. I'm so sorry to say that. I know I was chickening out for not admitting that mistake too. IT probably might have hurt his feelings and sent him haywire. Because I sounded that I mean it. At that time, I meant what I said. I know I am such a bad brother. But yeah. I was very annoyed that my spectacles was destroyed in the process. He can toss the ball at any part of my body without igniting me except my head, my face, my spectacles, my neck and especially my vital private parts.

I was very paranoid that my lenses could shatter right in front of my own eyes (despite the very low chance of it occuring) and and glasses frame becoming distorted. I rely heavily on my glasses and I treat it with lots of care. He knows it (this isn't the first time he disturbed my glasses), so why wasn't he careful with it?

As my mom continued lecturing, I suddenly became very disappointed with my brother's sucky attitude. So I broke down and cried because he isn't the same person I know anymore. He is this cold, heartless creature who is influenced by a few of his idiotic acquaintances to become an egoistic, macho-istic and and chauvinistic person. Is this the same brother I know a few years back?

My mom suggested that we have received no canings from her, and that probably explains our wild behaviour. I was shocked and scared that she might really cane us. Her words are enough to puncture my heart. I shudder to wonder what sort of gigantic damage a beating could do.

Despite the incredibility of some of her lecture, somehow they were all true. Maybe I am spoilt and being a whiny, stupid kid who complains at his mother about something my little brother did. Maybe I am just a selfish person who wants nothing but to spend time with himself alone. It's not that. I think I am misunderstood. Despite the extrovert qualities I might display, I don't open up to people unless I'm very close to him/her and sadly, my parents are not included. =(

I have my own perceptions about things and I don't intend to share them with people I know. I keep them to me, myself and I (and with this blog and you guys), thank you. I know this is very selfish of me, but sometimes I can't help it. I'm just like that.

Do I sound spoilt? Am I selfish? Was what I did right? Please, I really need your honest, judgemental answers so that I can correct whatever mistakes I have made and better myself...

After some time had passed and I calmed down a little from my crying (I still can't believe at this age, I'm so prone to crying =(), I went up to my mother and apologized for ruining her day. She looked really tired and stressed out and I sincerely was very sorry for making it worse for her. I also apologized to my neighbour for creating such a scene - that was very immature of me.

I didn't talk to my brother after that. I thought I might never again (maybe until his birthday). Until this morning when I realized I forgot to bring my calculator with me for my Chemistry practicals. I sighed. I had to ask my brother despite the situation - I can't possibly borrow from anyone else.

Put it simply, I had no choice and I wasn't going to keep my pride intact while sacrificing my marks. No way. It's too stupid. So, I inhaled deeply and courageously asked for a calculator.

He did gave me his. And he apologized as he heavily vandalized the screen of his calculator. I told him it didn't really matter. What matters the most is I can still read the screen and operate the calculator properly. Our small chat ended there. We somehow took it as a mutual understanding to put yesterday in the past and to move on in life.

......

*sigh* Brothers. Family members. Despite the fight, we somehow got back in track although it's a slow recovery.

It really surprises me how easily we (family members) can forgive and forget. =) *blinks away tears* I guess this is the power of love.