I do not understand why this feeling must arise at my last high school years. Why must the previous teachers last year resign from the school and abandon us lost, naive students alone at the mercy of incompetent teachers? I do not look forward to self-study sessions but since these circumstances leave me no choice, I guess I have to begin doing so.

I enjoyed doing Chemistry and Malay. Note the past tense. I am very discontent with the way I was taught these two subjects. I begin with Chemistry. Last year, I found the study of Chemistry highly intriguing; the way how n=G/Mr formula works, periodic table, redox reactions, acids and bases, elements and compounds. It was quite fun working these out.

Come this year. When I first knew my Chemistry teacher has been swapped, I could have smacked my hand against my forehead. I learned from comments made by various students that he isn't a very good Chemistry teacher. I shook negative thoughts aside and dismissed them as rumours. I reasoned that the students simply did not pay attention in class, so they are scapegoating the teacher.

Forward a few months, and here I am today, struggling badly to comprehend the complexities of my Chemistry textbook. Bombastic terms like endothermic, exothermic, inert electrode etc. attacked me. It was not too bad at the beginning since the syllabus was rather tame. From electrolysis onwards, everything ran downhill. I cannot understand the logic behind it. The explanation offered by the teacher was too vague.

As my insatiable curiosity at these new knowledge is eating me away, I fired questions that is relevant to the topics and I wasn't looking for an advanced answer. A simple and brief explanation would suffice since knowledge of the topics at a higher-level knowledge isn't required. I feel sad when he wasn't able to answer or he misunderstood my question and rambled random answers. His explanation of "It's very complicated; you don't need to know at this level" is a shoddy excuse, in my honest opinion. It just goes on to prove that he himself do not know the subject matter very well.

There wasn't much I can do. I only sat there and stared in horror at my teacher who quickly resumed his teaching. Putting my trust with that teacher is not a wise move. When that happens, I get angry and rebellious (which I'm normally not) with the teacher. I do not want to say this, but deep down, I feel he is not fit to be a teacher, if even a question like mine baffles him.

To make matters worse, his class is like a zoo gone loose. He cannot control the discipline of the students at all! People talking loudly without being considerate towards other students is a common sight. Many of my friends have begun picking up a novel and read underneath their desks while the lessons are being conducted. I wished I could join them but I forced myself not to and tried in vain to make sense of his disjointed and fragmented explanations. I noticed that some of the questions I asked were important points which need to be addressed to the whole class. He will have "forgotten" if I hadn't raise them. =(

The Chemistry topics I'm at loss now is the calculation of the enthalpy change of endo- and exothermic reactions. The textbook did not elaborate much on this but there are quite a number of questions which prompts this topic. Nothing clicked in my head; I could only stare and stare at the question, half the time wondering what the question meant and how to attempt it.

I have to go online and search for answers. Unfortunately, answers did not came to me. =( I wished going to see him would be a great idea but knowing the blur him, I'm not too sure whether that will be a wise idea. I place my big doubt on his credibility of the subject matter, sorry to say that.

It's a shame to see my Chemistry knowledge to remain stagnant at a Year 10's level. I want to work on it and I am trying to. Reading the textbook does help a lot, but certain topics are still a blur to me.

I used to be doing quite well for Malay. Ever since a primary school Malay teacher began teaching us last year, I wasn't able to see myself demonstrating a higher level of Malay. Through gut feelings, I can in fact see my language level steeply dropping to a level similar to that of a Year 1 student. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but the drastic drop in my Malay fluency cries for urgent remedy and attention.

I'm bored of her lessons. The content that was taught to us was too low for our level standard. Maybe it's good for Year 7, but definitely not for Years 10 and 11. Why did she try to set the bar so low? I definitely wasn't mentally challenged and stimulated. I looked forward to vocabulary drills (fine, maybe I don't, but something similar and less harsher). I was really disappointed when all we did were recaps after recaps of what we did in junior high, and even elementary level! =O It felt like I was pushed down to Year 7!

When the work is not challenging enough and is good only for remedial lessons, I get frustrated and bored easily. I did not even bother reading up Malay novels, which I haven't done so properly for at least a year. I regretted stopping the reading. =( I have to suffer the consequences now. Shoddy essays written with vocabulary matching those of Year 5 or 6 with the essays not properly developed and expounded. This can be shown in my marks which are lower than most students, who usually "performed lower than me" (I know it's not the correct phrase, forgive me for using a bad substitution).

She is becoming worse this year. She wants us to do mind maps! *shriek* Mind maps?! No, definitely not for me. I write points in an organised form, not a forest of facts swarming around in the paper. I was really upset but I did not want to voice out my opinions. I was hoping that would be the last time of doing mind maps, but no! We were even asked to do mind maps of essays to be put on display at our classroom's notice board and the school's notice board. We did one again prior to doing our essay just this morning.

Oh my goodness! =O

Why mind maps? Can't they be made optional prior to writing out an essay? Heck, why do a 150 worded mind maps when a coherent essay can be written for 300+ words. For the sake of O Levels, mind maps are not required. I don't use mind maps at all! At the very least, I note down in point form the points I need to use beforehand, otherwise I write spontaneously. Not do a stupid mind map!

That sent me over the edge. Lessons which bore the hell out of me + doing pointless exercises which in no way do they contribute to refine our Malay = I give up (paying attention in class)! Of course, I slackened. I hate it! I dislike the teaching methods.

I find her "annoying" at times too, especially when she tries to apply "psychology methods" on us. I don't really get what she is trying to achieve here. Is she trying to scare us into doing our work by putting our assignment marks at stake? Maybe it works well on primary kids, but this scare tactic fails to scare many of my classmates. *sigh*

On the other hand, I'm glad that I accepted the Physics teacher as he is. He's not too bad compared to the two aforementioned teachers, even though the lessons may get slightly boring at times. His explanations were quite good though and I think that's enough already.

School suddenly seems unbearable with my dislike of two subjects. I wish I do not blame the teachers for this but I feel that the fault lies with them. Maybe it's my attitude which spurs me to give up my dependency on them (because of bad teaching) and do everything myself independently. Is it wrong to blame the teachers for everything? I don't think it is in my case... =S Maybe I should give them another chance and just accept their way of teaching to save my sanity and my grades...

The impending O Levels is looming closer. Why must this happen at this crucial time? =(

[+] There's more!

5 April 2007 - I hate taking breaks like this again. Unfortunately, there are many things to do in school as well as extra-curricular activities that I have participated and do. There are many things I want to blog about, such as jealousy, tutoring friends and sudden hatred bred towards some subjects. Time is not on my side and I'm sleep deprived (okay, so maybe 6 or 7 hours of sleep is sufficient for you, but not for me). Since there is no school tomorrow, I want to take that opportunity to catch up on my schoolwork and research purposes. Hopefully, I will see you guys soon!

21 February 2007 - Hey everyone! I hope you don't mind me taking a short break from the blogosphere because I need to settle my academic life and tackle my priorities. I definitely will be back as soon as they are done (probably a few days to a week). =)

I catch you guys later! =D

[+] There's more!

My brother committed a grave mistake. In his fury, he condemned a religion and its God in a tagboard at my other board. Fortunately, there were few responses to his tag, but it devastated me. How could my brother committed such idiotic and major sin of putting the damn on other people's religion? I know he did not purposely do it, but still....

I am so confused and lost in my own angry thoughts. I need sleep... I really hope this matter could be resolved tomorrow.

[+] There's more!

For the second time, my work played second fiddle. It was replaced by someone else's work which, in my (biased) opinion, lacks the interest and creativity. I feel that this is unfair on my part. Here I am in the magazine committee contributing virtually nothing to the creation of a mini-magazine (not the prefects' magazine below) and my work goes unappreciated. How? By dragging it to the Recycle Bin icon and replaced with a "professional-looking" cover page.

I know my skills in Adobe Photoshop is not as good as the Prefect Head's skills, but I myself knew that mine wasn't on the border of terror either. We were staying back many days to rush through this magazine as it was to be sent to the printer the next day. With a blur leader heading the committee, I'm not surprised that the sudden urgency of finishing this magazine as the due date approaches suddenly surfaced. The committee members (with one absent) together with the Prefect Head (a.k.a. Boss) put their hands together and made the best effort in finishing the magazine on time.

I requested the Boss that I will do on the cover, and she nodded her head. My colleague and I then brainstormed for ideas (taking nearly an hour) before we got it. I was pleased that the outcome of the brainstorm was an ingenious and nifty-looking front cover, very sure that it would intrigue anyone holding the little magazine on his hand.

I thought the Boss would like it as I felt it was a unique idea. I know you guys are wondering why show it to her instead of the committee leader? He was blur and he did not know what was going on and apparently the Boss adopted the position of the committee leader during that dire situation. In other words, it was understood that the committee leader was "simply there to signify his presence" while all the real managing was done by the Boss. The thing I don't understand was why the leader wasn't lectured by her to get things running! (If I were in his position last year, boy, I would be fried instantly.)

So I explained the conception of the image to her. She nodded her head and moved on to the editor-cum-designer who she taught to use Adobe Illustrator (I don't know whether it was the appropriate program, but it did the trick) and gave in her general input and ideas on the overall magazine design.

She helped to do parts of the magazine while the editor and I were busy twiddling with our respective tasks. The other one went home while the lax leader was frolicking about. Anyway, after some time, after getting some input from the Boss and the other committee members, I finished designing the cover (I thought it looked interesting).

To my utter disbelief, she HATED it! Her stupid critic eye scanned fervently for mistakes in my art, i.e. it looked too "informal" for a magazine, inappropriate photos, bad layout etc. I was slightly peeved off by her critical remarks but I kept my cool as I knew I won't be doing any good. She then apologised and told me that she can't help but be a perfectionist when it comes to art and hence, the need to be critical, further hinting how much better she could do.

Goodness gracious! It's the last moment, sister! There's no more time to be a 'Little Miss Perfectionist'. Wasn't mine at least decent enough to pass off as a front cover for the mini magazine? At it was nearly time for me to go home, I told her that I could redo it and send the file via e-mail or Windows Live Messenger or something. She reminded me that the file would too big and there wouldn't be ample time to send over and her later editing it. I forgot to asked her that I could send the JPEG file but I don't think she'll like it. I even offered to do it myself at home and pass her the file tomorrow. She didn't want that.

I did not relent and asked her whether I can be of anymore assistance to her. I honestly disliked not contributing at least something to the magazine and my front cover wasn't a good enough guarantee as she might create a totally new cover and dispose of mine. She told me that I gave all the helped needed and requested me to go. After few more minutes of persuading for work (I think I was a fool to do that, I don't think anyone asks for that!), she told me to help unplug her pen drive from my workstation.

I took her reactions as her hint and begrudgingly, I left the dark computer laboratory, leaving her alone in her solitude and let the creative juice possess her entire body and create beautiful computer art that even Leonardo da Vinci bows down his head in shame! I'm so sorry, but I offered to redo my work if needed. She stingingly told me not to worry about anything and that she can do it herself. HERSELF! I'm not surprised if she stayed up until 2 a.m. just to finish doing my cover and the whole magazine. I thought she asked for it.

Coming from a pseudo-perfectionist, perfectionists like her drive people insane! I don't get why she could not accept the committee members' imperfect work and maybe help modify their work if she "cannot stand it". I mean, I sacrificed my time just to help create the magazine even though we were in the midst of tests. I sincerely contributed my full attention and interest to create that "crap" and this is what I get in return? Shoving all my work away to make way for the best work just because it's too imperfect? I even got the opinions from my fellow colleagues and they said it was alright (don't know whether it was a white lie or not).

The Boss is also my friend as well, and I know she did not mean to imply this, but she insulted my work in a way. I don't like people insulting my work when I take the trouble to ensure that it is of a good quality and dedicating my time into doing the tasks thoroughly. I don't mind constructive criticisms though, at least I know which areas need to be addressed and improved.

Her actions make it seem the whole magazine thing was a one-man show; she did mostly everything (besides the editor's work). And I feel that my colleagues, including the leader, do not deserve the credits at all, especially me since I did virtually nothing! My work appeared no where in the magazine.

In other words, my work goes unappreciated. I feel that my existence at that day was not needed. I could have stayed at home and do something relaxing or study Chemistry and increase my chances of getting better grades. Unfortunately, I have to do this redundant job!

I wish I could say this is my first time experiencing it, but this is not. In fact last year, the same thing happened. It's like deja vu all over again! Last year, the scenario was this: I procrastinated my presentation during an inter-school visit and in the end did an okay-ish presentation which is decent enough to be presented. Sadly, I was bombarded for doing it at the last minute and from the moment onwards, I hated my other Boss. The "replacement" presentation, on the other hand, was worse than mine! Ohhh! During the inter-school visit, I was anxious and scared to see the replacement, and when everything was over, I felt like punching the Boss's face! He wasted my effort and energy put into my better presentation.

This is so frustrating! I hate these sort of things to happen. Looking at the mini magazine I have on the table now, I am tempted to steal a lighter and burn into ashes, and pound and grind the ashes into bitsy dust which are then sent to the incinerator.

*sigh* Leaders... So hard to please. To make matters worse, some enslave their subjects and subject them under his tyrannical control, and some simply do all the work for their subjects whose existence may very well be eradicated.

P.S. Sorry for the sarcasms in this blog post.

Anyway, to go off topic, I won't be around this weekend as I have to cross the border for an excursion. I'll be back blogging on Monday or Tuesday. *grin*

[+] There's more!

Hey everybody, a wild party is currently on the go at the cyber cruise and crew members are showing off their most ridiculous and wackiest hat they have ever owned. I thought everyone's hat was great. The only problem is, I don't own any sort of hat myself. I decided to savage hats on board which maybe a careless crew might drop, but no such luck! =(

I entered the gents' washroom and I was about to do my business inside when I caught something at the corner of my eye. And I thought, why not! Very quickly, I adopted them as my hat of the night and they sure are wacky. I call my new hat...



(Chap)Eau de Toilet(te) ;)

[+] There's more!

I remembered that I was tagged by TopChamp once upon a time. Whoops, I can't believe it took me a month to respond to the tag. As I am in need to define my goals clearly, I am going to take advantage of this Five Things Meme and list down the goals I need to achieve this year. Priority is given to the most important tasks I need to accomplish, of course. ;)

Five goals to set my eyes on:

1. Faithfully revise at the very least 1 subject a day. This is so much easier said than done. =( With the hectic schedules I will be having up the coming year, I don't think I can risk burning the midnight oil again. I shall prove to myself that I can do it for the upcoming mid-year examinations. I have a feeling I will surprise myself (good or bad). A subject a day keeps procrastination at bay. =D (My conscience thinking: "Right...")

2. Improve on my linguistic skills, especially Malay. To be honest, my Malay teacher isn't helping much to further refine my stuttering Malay. I can even feel my grip on the language loosening and the level of Malay slowly sinking into the never-ending abyss. I seriously need to pull my ropes together - by reading Malay novels 24/7 and have that big fat Malay dictionary nearby to look up for unfamiliar (and once familiar) words. Hopefully, when my active vocabulary list has build up to the standard level, I'll be able to handle this language much more eloquently. =\ Same goes to English, I am beginning to feel that the once-beautiful words I spontaneously learned are slowly becoming cliched with frequent use. Time to widen the vocabulary pool. The same applies to German too.

It's the vocabulary in each of these respective languages that is holding me back from expressing myself "eloquently". I have no problems with understanding the syntax of these languages. My vocabulary needs to be expanded!

3. Get the school prefects' magazine done. I need to tell my council members to get writing reports of the school activities that took place this year. I need to study more magazines to get a feel of how magazines are designed. Time to subscribe to Readers' Digest! *chuckles* Cancel the humour there, I do not want to think about the head of prefect to give a big thumbs down to our magazine and begin doing everything by herself. =(

4. Learn to use Macromedia Flash 8 and master it within 3 months for the sake of an inter-school computer competition. I think it will be fun, but the problem is my reluctance to learn new things (again!) and also the lethargy of committing myself into it seriously.

5. Lastly, to learn to manage my time well. Without this, my mission of realising my goals will evaporate just like that. I need to say no to temptation, say no to procrastination and like what Nike has said: "Just do it!"

This time, I'm not tagging anyone but if you are up for it, then be my guest and have a go at this meme. You can talk five things about any subject; it does not need to be about your goals. =)

There are so many things I want to blog but I procrastinated again just couldn't find the time and energy to do so. This was also supposed to be written a long time ago, so that I know where I stand and where am I supposed to head. I wish I could sleep now but I need to learn up something for tomorrow's Flash training. *sigh* So much for beauty sleep. I see you guys soon! *weak smile*

[+] There's more!

I'm sure everyone has heard of Rome, the beautiful capital of Italy filled with majestic history and was once the capital of ancient Roman civilization. This is definitely one stopover I am not going to miss! RennyBA is our tour guide for today and throughout the day, I will play some Italian music for everyone to listen and enjoy.

First off, let us sing the national anthem of Italy.



Playing: Il Canto degli Italiani



© Wikipedia.org

Some facts about Rome you should know before leaving the cruise ;):

• The capital of Italy
• Located in the central-western portion of the Italian peninsula
• 2.8 million residents residing in Rome!
• Italian is mainly spoken but English is also wide understood
• Famous for its Colosseum, one of the Seven Wonders of the World, as well as for its churches, architecture, food and football and many more (that's a lot!). This city is also famous for its history as it used to be the cradle of the Roman civilisation.
• Remember to convert your money into Euros ;)
• Don't forget to set your watches 2 hours after GMT. DST was recently implemented just hours ago.

© Wikipedia.org

I shall play out three songs for your enjoyment. If you would to request for more songs, do not hesitate to air your requests via comments below, and I'll gladly play it for you. =)

This is definitely one of my favourite baroque musics by none other than Antonio Vivaldi, the great Italian composer! Presenting the whole three movements of La Primavera (i.e. Allegro, Largo e Allegro) of the famous violin concertos, Le quattro stagioni. The speakers need to be turned up when playing this as some parts are played softly and cannot be heard properly.

Playing: La Primavera, by Antonio Vivaldi



This is a song I found off Youtube, and her voice is absolutely amazing! I never knew Italian can sound so bello.

Playing: Caruso, by Lara Fabian



I'm sure you guys have heard of Il Divo. I heard about them before but I wasn't too sure who they are. So I went online and did some research and to my surprise, they're a group of singers who sing songs in a few European languages, including Italian. I love this song I'm currently playing now; it's called Ti Amerò from their first album Il Divo.

Playing: Ti Amerò, by Il Divo



I think I shall hunt around the Internet for more of their songs! =D

Benvenuto in Italia, amici! Have loads of fun there. See you all later in the trip! =D Don't forget when you are in Rome, do as what the Romans do! ;)

[+] There's more!

Err... are you really at http://soliloguy.blogspot.com?

Yes, you are! Behold, the new face of this blog after spending so much time trying to migrate from old Blogger to the new one after three vain attempts. I finally did it at the last attempt! =D Of course, I used a Wordpress lookalike template from Gecko & Fly as the base of this template.

I cannot stand knowing the fact that I was unable to make full use of the new Blogger's features and widgets(which aren't so new anymore =P), like labels. Horray for organisation! It's too bad it's pretty time-consuming to add labels to my previous blog post. It's okay, I don't think there's a need to rush. ;)

As you can see here, I fully exploited made use of the cool new features. There's of course labels and an archive-cum-previous posts widget and I finally able to use the convenient GUI-interface provided by Blogger when modifying the page elements. No need to strain my eyes and seek for the correct section tediously!

Bobby's cool new widget called the Random Blog Button is now up at the NavBar above. I think it's a fabulous and nifty widget. ;)

As you are reading this, you probably notice smiley faces dotting all over my blog posts. It looks better now compared to text emoticons. Credits to Aditya Mukherjee for the script in adding emoticons. Thanks!

To the right of you is a picture of a shy kid (or rather, a toddler) holding a ten-gallon hat in front of his face. I thought it was rather apt for this blog (I'm talking more about the anonymity), plus it's also easier to vectorize it in Photoshop CS2. ;) Since this was my first experiment with vector art, I used a "rather simple" image from Getty Images and traced over it, vectorized and improvised the background a little bit to create a pseudo-cartoon character. Below is the original image:



It looks vastly different from the original one, and I'm quite happy with the output even though it's kind of tedious and time-consuming. I enjoyed doing it, though. =) If you want to learn this form of art, there are some pretty good tutorials over at Vexels.net. :)

Right below the cartoon kid are my awards. =) Scroll down a bit more and you'll see a new window which was not previously there, and they are the recent comments widget. You can even subscribe to the comments going on here. This is far by the most useful widget to me as sometimes I did not know a comment was left there in my previous blog posts until much, much later. =P Thanks to Ramani for sharing this cool widget.

And of course, there is the labels cloud where all the labels are clustered to form a cool looking "cloud". The code for it can be obtained from Phydeaux3.

These are not the only things I have changed. There are many more minor changes to this blog but I don't think they need a special mention. =P Oh, in case you guys missed it, I removed the Frappr map. I think it only slows down the download time of this site especially if you are a first-time visitor. Plus, I recently discovered that StatCounter does provide maps of where the visitors come from. Thanks guys for pinning your location onto that map. =) It's still online, you can still check it out. ;)

Anyway, I got to go now as it's getting very late over here. My eyelids are drooping... First off, apologies to Captain Lifecruiser for slacking off in my DJ-ing duties. Hehehehe! I was quite busy the past few days as I hung out with my friends and I had to do this template too. =P Don't worry, I'll be back first thing in the morning!

See you guys soon!

And yes, this is what I have busied myself with these past few days! *cheeky grin*

[+] There's more!

I finally plucked my courage and took the deep dive without caring for the world around me. The deadline to hand in the 'O' Level registration forms are looming closer and I simply had to do something. So I did. I went to see her, the Deputy Principal. After much discussion (or rather, a very pleasant informal conversation =) ), the outcome was this:

that frolicsome kid: "May I drop the subject?"
Deputy Principal: "Yes, you may."

Thank goodness she was able to see how much fifth formers have to juggle! Bless her! =D Even though admitting my mistake was the hardest step for me, she nodded her head in agreement and surprisingly, she was glad to hear that. She said that the school wanted me to achieve excellent results in my eight subjects, not to get mediocre results in nine. I think eight is more than enough; there's a lot more to life I want to see at this time. =)

Immediately stepping out of her office which I initially thought was claustrophobic and unwelcoming, I flew into a state of euphoria! My happiness and relief cannot be described in words, after all, it was as if a super big burden has been removed off me! Now I can finally concentrate and focus on my life and studies. I cannot believe this one big problem was a hindrance and a distraction in my life.

They say the first step is always the hardest. I agree. After overcoming it (i.e. fear), things can only get easier. =)

Now to settle up some other things, like handing up my O Levels registration form, completing my ASEAN scholarship form (yes, I was given the consent by my parents to try! =D), sending back the money order to the eBay buyer of which the sale of my item was unsuccessful since last month(charges incurred in banking in the cheque costs more than the book itself!), returning a book I borrowed last year (!) from my friend etc. Things are definitely looking up now! =)

[+] There's more!

Hi everyone! This is the DJ of the Lifecruiser cruise ermm...grooving? Hahaha! Anyway, the idea of having a cyber cruise was conceived by Mrs. Lifecruiser and I say it's a marvelous idea. I have a dream of traveling around the world when I grow up (and can afford to cough out cash which goes 'Ka-ching'!) and I can at least fulfill part of my dream by participating in the virtual tours given by the A-Team Cruisers.

Since I joined in a few days late (wow, I can't imagine a crew like me coming late for the cruise =P) as I need to settle a few things over here in the other side of the world, like spending a last minute time with my elder brother. Anyway, do you like to take part in this cruise, if you haven't already? Complimentary TITs (No! No what you think! ;) ) are given by Mrs. Lifecruiser herself simply by linking to her site, which is http://lifecruiser.com, then tell her about it by e-mailing her. That's it! You're now part of this wonderful cyber cruise which brings you to wonderful spots around the world, like today's Barcelona hosted by Maremagnum!

¡Hola señor y señorita! ¡Bienvenida a bordo! Mucho gusto. Translation: Hello guys! Welcome aboard! It's great to know you all.

I hope my Spanish is understandable. It's not too good since I have forgotten what little I have learned last (err...last last?) year. =P I need to rely on my trusted Lonely Planet phrasebook!


© Port de Barcelona

I'm currently at Port de Barcelona, now waiting for the Lifecruiser to berth at the port. Currently, it's 6.32 am in the morning at Barcelona and I'm feeling rather tired after flying all the way from Singapore where I transited from my country and after stopping over at Milan Malpensa Airport in Italy, and finally reached Aeroport de Barcelona after nearly 18 hours in flight. Whooo!!!

It is terribly expensive to charter a flight especially for me for this journey. Changi Airport officials weren't too happy about it, but I managed to bribe them with lots of money (LOL!) and their frowns turn into smiles. So, Mrs. Lifecruiser, you owe me $$$$$$! =P =P

It's too bad I couldn't see much of Barcelona from the taxi since I immediately dozed off after sitting on the cushion. Oh well, but at least I can see more of that later during the day! =D

Some information about Barcelona:

• The second largest city in Spain after Madrid.
• Located on the northeast coast of the Iberian Peninsula.
• 1,673,075 dwellers (as of 2006)
• Barcelonians speak Spanish and Catalan. They also can converse in English and French.
• Has many unique historic architecture and beaches and it is also a well-known tourist attraction in Europe (Hey, even S Club 7 and Cheetah Girls shot their films there!)
• Time over there: +1 GMT
  

© Wikipedia.org

Okay, enough about Barcelona. Maremagnum will later show us more of Barcelona! =D Now it's time to play some Spanish music! First of all, let us all sing the national anthem of Spain!



Playing: La Marcha Real
Source: Magun's Compass

Err... wait. There's no lyrics to La Marcha Real, Spain's national anthem! Surprise, surprise! Apparently, Spain is one of the few countries in the world whose national anthem has no official lyrics.

Let's spin out some more Spanish music: a traditional one and a contemporary one!

Playing: Flamenco


Flamenco is a genre of music in Spain which has the unique fast-paced rhythms and variable melodies which combined together gives an active mood and the urge to dance with this music. Yes, please make use of the Big Cruise Ball if your body begins to move with the music! Hahaha! =P I love the flamenco dancers (and especially their dresses! =O ). It gives the added grace to the music. =)

Playing: Aserejé


Listening to that song brings back a lot of memories. I remember how it was a big hit last time way back in 2002 and I love to try and imitate the famous Ketchup Dance on TV. Hahaha! Enjoy this song enjoyed by many!

If you guys want to request for more Spanish music, feel free to leave links to any Spanish music in your comments or if you would like me to upload it for you, be my guest and send me the music file via e-mail (my e-mail address is at the sidebar). Credits will be given to you (and the source of the music file, if any as well).

¡Hasta luego!. Enjoy the tour around Barcelona!

P.S. Tomorrow's destination will be (insert mystery town/city/port) over at Irish Church Lady. Yes, I'm sorry but I don't even know where it will be. That's why it's aptly called "mystery destination", lol! =P Check out the rest of the destinations this cyber cruise will anchor here.

[+] There's more!

I cannot believe it. It was only two hours ago that the aura of my brother's jubilance and his girlfriend's soothing and melodious voice filled the house. Now, it's slowly dissipating away. Time flies by too fast. Too fast...

It was quite painful to say goodbye at the airport, despite me desperately trying to coax you two to change your minds and stay here. One month has passed and I enjoyed hanging out with you guys very much. You two have spiced up the family and we shared many good times (and bad times =P).

I just want to apologise to you both for being rather moody this past few days prior to your departure. It's just good timing that insignificant negative vibes began to take its toll. But it was great to share some of the "burdens" I had with you, and thank you both for lending your ears and giving advices. At least I know where I stand now. =)

I long for the days when we just cruised around the towns in the Lexus car. Even though we didn't do anything "productive" =P, I had a blast talking to you guys in the car. I long for the humorous jokes you love to crack everytime. I miss talking to you.

I miss you a lot, big bro and sis. =(

Hopefully, in the blink of the eye, December will come and we will once again see you in Australia.

My heart sort of shattered and I felt like crying when the glass doors to the departure room closed, acting as the separator in our lives. I knew that we won't be seeing each other for quite some time. *sigh* As my family and I walked down the stairs to the arrival hall, it was packed with people and I remembered fondly how we were one of them, and how my family and I greeted you two with a big welcome hug on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

Despite our distance apart, you two will always be my brother...and also my "sister", as well as best of friends.

*sigh*

I hope to see you guys soon. Take good care of yourselves. All the best to you two in your lives...

[+] There's more!

I think it's time to shed some truth. I haven't been studying the last week, and the last. I took the break mainly because I wasn't in the mood the blog. As you can see, my blog posts weren't as exciting as last time's, as if life has been sucked out of me. I think that's kind of true. Ever since school has begun, I haven't been quite myself (except in school, where I can laugh out loud with friends). According to my brother, he said I'm two completely different persons during the school holidays and during school days. He said I'm more serious now than the last time when I visited him.

That's kind of true. I had to be serious as it's really a crucial year for me this year. Unfortunately, I have yet to be fully committed to my school work. All I have done this year is paying attention in most of my classes, go home and worry about how I should catch up on schoolwork. And instead of concentrating on my revision, I went instead to play on my PC! This recurs every single day, until the final days leading to my first tests.

Something went wrong. I didn't have the heart to study. My heart felt heavy everytime when I touched my textbooks that are 150 pages thick on average. The dreaded texts of nothing but knowledge that needs to be crammed into my brain which is reapplied later in exams.

I then begin to worry how I have to pick up my books to study. It's a must, no excuses. To shrug myself away from my problem, I went online and surf around the Internet. I don't even know what websites I have been surfing. Possibly my friends' blogs and unfortunately, none of you guys' blogs...and mine.

I haven't been blogging consistently and I am very aware of that fact. I took school as an excuse but it wasn't really school. All of a sudden, my heart isn't into blogging anymore (indirectly related to my worries that I should be studying). I just wanted to get away from the blogosphere as I'm quite exhausted from blogging and I encountered relentless blogger's (writer's) block. That explains why I haven't been commenting at or visited your sites. I just want to thank you guys so much for patiently waiting for my return. =)

Back to what I was saying. Lately, I begun to lurk around The Student Room forum where I can get to read first-hand experiences of senior students studying in sixth forms and universities in U.K. It was exciting to read their posts and I really look up to them as they are mostly pretty diligent students themselves. I kept imagining and telling myself that in a few years' time, I will be like them enjoying university life.

That is my dream, and dream is what I do. Act is what I don't.

I told myself, "Snap out of it! If you don't do anything to pull your socks up now, you're not going to end up in university. That's not the way to do it. Pick up your books and make them a reality!". So I did, and I groaned. It's simply too much. I was lazy and tired of studying. I just want to have eternal good things to befall on me, just like that. I know life isn't going to work out that way, sadly I just don't realise it.

I have this hobby of daydreaming about my future. It rather simple really: Do A-Levels and do my four or five subjects, move on to a British university and major in Biology and maybe minoring in Psychology or some other things (it keeps changing) and get a job. What job? I don't know...

Somehow, the idea of doing Psychology isn't very appealing to me anymore. Sure, I'd like to study it, but am I ready to be committed to its field for 30 odd years? Sounds like a long time to me. And thus, plans of my future is messed up. And I have to strive to think up of backup plans, bringing me back to The Student Room and other miscellaneous university and career websites.

I think I'm too young to think about all these things. I worry too much about my future and I have set my sights too far. I need to have short-term goals, like to get distinctions in my O Levels. Yet, I cannot help but be interested in what happens to me in 2 - 3 years time. I forgot that absolutely anything can happen. It's funny that these happens during periods of exams and tests.

Very, very ironic. =S

I smile at the perfect plan(s) I have created. I will be disappointed when all things go wrong.

Like now, when I'm supposed to be studying for my tests tomorrow. Yet, I am the least bothered to pick up my finger to revise thoroughly. Maybe later, I always tell myself, at 11 pm where I can rush through and cram all the required information into that petite brain of mine.

There I go again. Procrastinating, and taking things for granted.

Taking things for granted... Eerily, that phrase keeps popping out to me. In books I read, during Christian religious knowledge classes, my best friend... Someone up there is trying to tell me something. And I fail to heed to it.

I think it's my attitude which is the main problem here. Ignorance and taking things for granted is just "so me". =( Why am I waiting for someone to give me a kick in the rear and shake me profusely, yelling me to wake up and take a look at reality?

This is really weird.

I have yet to tell the Deputy Principal that I'm going to drop Sociology. Yes, I made up my mind, I'm dropping it, because I took things for granted, thinking that it's piss easy and I can do it. Apparently, I couldn't because I did not apply the effort to try. In short, I am just plain lazy and I procrastinated. Again.

And that is why I never dared to tell her. It was my mistake. I thank myself for being stupid in making such a haste decision. And that's not the only reason why...

This is going to be embarrassing. =( Another reason why I never approached is because of my friends! I don't want them to know anything about me taking an additional subject, and me dropping it again in the end. Indirectly, the taking of Sociology was the cause for me dropping Additional Maths. If my teacher finds out about this, she's not going to be happy and shake her head. I should have taken it as extra instead of Sociology which I can learn properly in A Levels.

I was too impatient to wait for two years and then to pick it up. Being the "smart" person I am, I took it up first, and because I couldn't bare to not take Geography (I love the subject, despite the sheer amount of things I need to remember =P), I dropped Additional Maths. No one knows the real reason why. It's just "inappropriate" for an academically sound student like me to drop such a subject which is considered stimulating enough for me. I sometimes regretted my own decisions in dropping Additional Maths. From what I heard from friends, the chapters following the very first chapter we learned last year was quite easy and "a walk in a park".

*sigh* I cannot believe choices like that can ricochet off many problems that comes with it. My choices of subjects were inadvertently affected by my main sole decision which is hasty, i.e. taking up of Sociology.

Subconsciously, I am quite troubled by that. Now, I need to inform of my decisions to the Deputy Principal as soon as possible before it's too late. I fear that she will inform my form teacher of my decision, and she will unintentionally announced it to the whole class, with my friends shooting me questions that I couldn't really answer.

If that happens, I will honestly be in deep shit and there wouldn't be any way of dropping it without dying of embarrassment. =S

One haste decision, so many consequences. Is that what life is all about?

Due to that very reason, I kept thinking about it subconsciously and I will retaliate in horror with the sheer mention of the words "Sociology", "extra subject", "9th subject", "Additional Maths" and even "GCE O Levels". You can see my face going pale and I suddenly acting nervous and trembling. It's that bad seeing that it sparked off phobias after phobias, worries after worries, fears after fears...

I honestly want to turn back time and undo what I have done. A part of me don't want that, because I don't want to go through the hassles I have been through last year. *frowns*

I need to do something about it, fast! Yet I'm held back by fear. I'm really scared...

On the other hand, I saw an advertisement in the local newspaper about the ASEAN scholarship to study in Singapore for A Levels. I'd love to get hold of it, unfortunately that scholarship will present problems if I do get hold of it.

• Subjects I would love to take up for A Levels, i.e. Sociology and Psychology, aren't offered by the MOE, let alone the schools themselves.
• I can't choose my school.
• I'm not ready to leave home.
• From what I heard, the students over there are fiercely competitive and scary when it comes to education. So is life there.
• There's CCAs to attend to besides school and that will take up a lot of time.
• 7 subjects to do instead of 4, with 3 compulsory ones which I do not fancy doing.
• I won't get to choose the schools myself.
• I don't think I can cope with it.

On the other hand, the education in Singapore is rigorous and high in quality, thus securing my future. Not only that, but the busy life I will have over there will present me the opportunity to practice time management and to eradicate my problems of procrastination. Also, I will gain more life experiences.

Again, decisions, decisions, decisions. It's either I get hold of the scholarship and study for free in Singapore, or I stay home and go to a local sixth form public school where I can get "free education" from the government (since I'm a local).

This time, I'm determined to not make any mistakes again. Once has been enough to making my life a misery. =( I got until April 2 to respond, and during this short period, I need to ponder about it.

For the time being, I need to forget about it and concentrate on tomorrow's subjects. They're way more crucial! =P

To end this, it's my attitude which is the problem. Now, I need to change it by hook or by crook for the better. To benefit me not only now, but for the rest of my life. Commitments. It's so hard to make. And it comes hand in hand with determination.

The only problem is how.

I feel so much better now after heaving this off my chest! I hope you guys don't find it too weird - I need to be honest with myself. Thank you guys for reading, and once again, I apologise for my absence from this part of the blogosphere. =)

[+] There's more!

Oh my goodness, I can't believe carelessness kills (or rather, embarrasses me!). What happened was that, I commented on this blog post on a particular person's blog who studies in my school and I gave a too honest comment which is very embarrassing. Due to that, I put down my name as Anonymous. I typed out my comment and I published it.

Little did I know I have forgotten to remove my other blog URL (which was saved by the cookie when I last commented with Haloscan on my friends' sites)... And I can't do anything about it because the comments were powered by HaloScan and there is no button at all to delete comments.

So great! I'm anonymous, but my anonymity will soon be unmasked anyway. The blogger can quickly deduce who I am quickly. Either that, or a "friend" who loves to insult me will point it out to the blogger. That's just great.

I am so worried that I'll be severely humiliated. =( I can't believe I even wanted to comment on the blog! I was supposed to be a lurker, not an active reader! Besides, I don't really like the blogger myself (I don't even know the blogger personally even though I see the blogger around) and in no way will I want to even get to know her (sorry!).

Why must I even say things in such a wrong way? When my comment becomes a sensation among my friends and students in the school, I am so never stepping into my school AGAIN! >=(

And that's just great because now I will have to worry about this instead of my Grade 7 music theory exam which is tomorrow (and of which I tried miserably to study thoroughly - I am worried how am I going to pass it)!

This is so not my day...

P.S. Sorry for decline in blogging activity. I try to blog as and when it is possible. *weak smile*

[+] There's more!

I'm so happy to see my elder brother and his girlfriend back again! Time really flies by fast! I remember hugging them goodbye during the last week of December 2006 back at the airport. Boy, I can't believe I'm seeing him again.

I love Chinese New Year because this means that my elder brother will join our family again to celebrate this auspicious festivity. It also means another time to start afresh again. I'm determined to make the best start as possible. Now, if only my motivation and spirits are not dampened that fast... =P

One thing this festivity bugs me is that my house is opened for people to visit every year! Swarms of people, i.e. relatives, acquaintances, friends and colleagues will flock over to visit. I find it pretty scary to go down to the living room and confront so many people sitting there, laughing and having a good time. And I don't know many of them. =S I remember people looking at my way everytime when I come down the stairs. I feel so self-conscious when the eyes kept staring at my way. =S

People, especially my parents' friends, who see me will be shrieking, "Oh! Look how tall you have grown!" or "Hey, is this your son? So big already!". Man, I feel so embarrassed to be complimented that way, lol!

My mom says letting people to come over to my house brings good luck. I guess I have to bear with it. After all, I'll be compensated with lots of red packets (and a chance to show off my new clothes). Hahahaha! (No, that frolicsome kid! Don't have such selfish thoughts. >=P)

Hmmm... Have you guys ever wondered how Chinese New Year came about? My Dad told us this story last night and I remembered hearing that on Disney Channel:

A long time ago in China, a grotesque and horrible monster always came to haunt the villagers on the eve of the New Year. Oddly enough, this monster is called 年(nián - which also means "year" in Chinese!). The people were upset that this monster kept appearing to hurt them every year. One day, when Nian came again, it confronted a red colour in one of the villager's house and it became frightened because it was afraid of red (that is why Chinese wear red during Chinese New Year ;) ). Then suddenly, a lightning striked and the monster howled with fear. The villagers then discovered the monster's weakness so they ensured that they put something red in front of their house and make loud banging noises during the eve of the Chinese New Year.

Soon, this legend then became a tradition of the Chinese. When firecrackers were invented by the Chinese, they adopt that method to chase out the old year and welcome the New Year. So if you guys heard firecrackers last night, you now know why. =P

In case you guys haven't noticed, Chinese New Year falls on a different day every year. This is because it is based on the lunar year, not the Gregorian calendar. =) (I don't know how it works though.) And this festival is also called Spring Festival.

This Chinese New Year falls on a pig year. It's like each year is represented by a different animal, which we call the zodiacs (pretty similar to the Western Astrology). Legends of how the 12 animal cycles came about can be found here.

Anyway guys, I got to go now. I will be back soon to blog more. =P If you know any Chinese friends who opens their house during the 15 days of the Chinese New Year celebrations, feel free to pay them a visit and observe the celebrations first hand. I guarantee you find it interesting. ;) So, I'll leave you all with this and...

I want to wish you guys Gong Xi Fa Chai; have a healthy and prosperous New Year to everyone! =D

[+] There's more!

Due to school-related stuffs, I was unable to blog the last week. =( I am utterly exhausted from having to do important assignments and schooling six days a week (despite our school hours running from 7 am to about 1 pm). Yesterday, I was rushing through my Commonwealth Essay as the deadline was today (and I barely met it) and because it was done at the eleventh hour, it turned out looking like a shoddy and sloppy piece of essay. =( The topics were quite hard this year and I think that is one of the main causes why I procrastinated.

Thus, I wrote it half-heartedly as I ran out of fresh ideas. It was horribly standardized and I doubt the judges would even read past the first paragraph before tossing it into the bin. *sigh*

Two days before the deadline, I was struggling to brainstorm out ideas for my essay. It took many hours later for me to decide to switch to another topic. I was unsure of the facts itself, therefore I failed to deliver my opinions. So instead, I wrote another topic which to my utter disappointment was not done well. Nevertheless, I am glad that I managed to shove this essay away from me. *weak smile*

While I was writing, I was loathing to my best friend the obstacles I had to overcome (i.e. my procrastination). I think I typed more words in our online chats than in my essay. =\ I can't believe I wasted so many precious hours just moaning and groaning to him how arduous my work was!

After I finally concluded my visit to one of my friend's blog, I suddenly entered panic mode and cold, harsh reality sank in. I had an essay to write, and I was faced with a blank document, except for the few paragraphs. It was pretty discouraging. Yes, I know I was a NaNoWriMo participant and 1500 words is "pretty easy" to manage.

I thought so too. I was overconfident. And that overconfidence brought my downfall, once again.

I began ranting to him how much I was strayed off track and I poured my disturbed emotions over him. I feel sorry for him having to bear my incessant rants. =( I am thankful that he can still manage to drill reality into my head. Thanks man, I really need that! =)

Like how I pathetically wrote 2 paragraphs in 3 hours. And he knowing that I find thrill in doing work at the last hour. They're all true and I don't deny it. Okay, I did but we knew it's true! =P Your sarcasm sure bites, mister! And they bite hard! =O (And I needed this shock therapy once in a while or rather everytime, lol!)

Then I began to get serious about my attitude. Sure, I may finish my essay minutes before my English teacher steps into class. Unfortunately if that continues, I'm not going to lead a very successful life.

I know this might sound really shocking, but I have this conceived belief that life is like a fairytale. I'm serious! It sounds childish but I hold onto that thought! I always feel that whatever I do, it will have a happy ending. If the ending is not happy, then it's not quite the end yet. Besides, isn't that what most stories in novels and movies are like - happy endings which will move me to tears or make me go "Yes!"?

It's rather ironic that I did not even try to put in the effort myself. I do things half-heartedly if it isn't to my desire. I loathe work. I dislike doing it. I rather do things that matter most to me (i.e. nothing at all!). The funny thing is, I like work as well, in the sense that it keeps me occupied and giving me a sense of purpose. In other words, I shun and love it!

Over-optimism is what I call it. Then at certain times, I can feel over-pessimistic. =S

To put it simply, I treated life like a fairytale and I think that belief is very self-damaging. Guess the advice I was given by this best friend of mine? =)

I never thought of it that way. Now that he had mentioned it, I pondered about it since I like to write (and end with a happy ending). He then took the words out of my mouth by saying that I feel as though whatever things I do will turn out well in the end. The weird thing is that many, many times the work I have done always turn out well and it further strengthens my belief. Self-damaging success? =S

Does that mean I am waiting for failure now? Maybe... There's that part of me that yearns for failure and once I have experienced it, it will be like a shock therapy and I will change for the better. So far, the failures in my life have yet to affect me? =S I don't know, I don't get it myself. I don't learn from mistakes? Or must be mistakes be so grave and profound that it will affect my mind, body and spirit?

Our conversation ended with these three important values that I will always remember for life:

1. Set goals
2. Prioritize
3. And most importantly, to take things that matter seriously

I failed to do any of these three... But I really must try my best to uphold these characteristics in order to be successful. Even one of my teachers explained about these to us in class.

I admit, I have read a lot of books on how to succeed in life. They are fun to read and they always motivate me. I never applied them though...

Maybe it's high time that I should.

......

I am really thankful that I have such a good friend in life who tries to give me a push in times of need. Especially at this crucial year where I'll be sitting for that important GCE 'O' Levels exam in November.

*sigh* It's time to begin... Screw procrastination and laziness; may these two demons go back to hell, lol! >=)

On the other hand, maybe I was slightly disturbed by the thought that I have yet to tell the Deputy Principal about me wanting to drop Sociology... I don't know why I hesitated to confront her. Why am I so afraid of telling her about my confirmed decision?


------------


Let's talk about my Valentine's Day. I thought it was a rather ordinary day, except very overrated and exaggerated. Ugh~ People get lovey-dovey and mushy-gushy at this one day of the year and what about the rest of the 364 days? And oh my, how commercialised has it been especially in this 21st century!

That wasn't what St. Valentine's Day was originally intended for. Our Christian Religious Knowledge teacher explained to us about its origins, and it was then only I realised how beautiful the story behind really was.

So much have changed over those years. (Fine, maybe I'm a bit biased towards this because I'm single and I have no "proper" girlfriend. But hey, I can always shower my love 365 days, not on that one day out of so many days! =P)

Despite my dull feelings towards that day, I want to wish everyone here a Happy (belated) Valentine's Day, and I want to thank you for the friendships we have formed. I thank you guys for coming here to this blog and took your time to know me; it was a pleasure to know you guys as well. Thank you, and all of you will always have this special spot in my heart. =)

Lots of love! =D

[+] There's more!

Hi guys! Sorry if I didn't manage to blog about something interesting right after my previous post as school has pretty much "taken over" my entire life. =P Suddenly, after our long, uneventful vacation, homeworks were dished out to each of us students. Plus, there are upcoming important events (at least to me) very soon next month and I am rather unprepared to deal with them. =S

This was supposed to be written in my previous post, but I was feeling rather groggy and tired due to lack of sleep (despite lasting for 7 hours - quite a long time for many people). *sigh* In fact, I wasn't feeling too good yesterday. My orientation was blurry and I couldn't think straight. Thankfully I'm alright now and in top shape again. =D

There must be a reason for me to blog, right? Otherwise, I couldn't simply just weave my blog posts out from nothing. That would be too weird! =P

I remember while I was a kid, I used to keep several diaries. I remember keeping a diary chronicling my daily school life, which I showed to my parents and they raised their eyebrows, asking why am I showing my diary to them when it was meant to be private. Not surprisingly, that diary of mine never lasted long. =P So do all of them.

Blogging completely replaced keeping a physical diary. I discovered it after my friend had introduced to me his personal blog, and I was hooked. This meant not only can I write about my personal life and being able to share them with all of my friends, but this also means that I finally had the chance to put my basic HTML knowledge to the test. It was incredibly exciting and from then on, I became a regular blogger.

This aforementioned blog of mine still exists today somewhere in the blogosphere. Unfortunately, my blogging activities over there has dwindled in frequency because I ran out of topics to blog about. Sure, blogging about what goes on everyday in my life is fun (up to a certain point), but it's redundant and most of the time, it's the same routine anyway. No one likes to read the same things, and I don't want to put in the effort to tell the same story in different ways. I got bored of it and decided to venture into something deeper - discovering myself via blogging (and at the same time, to improve my writing skills). Speaking of writing skills, I remember mine wasn't this good. I remember vaguely last year that I was blogging about something simple and short and I honestly don't know why but somehow, my words just "click" together and I was actually using a higher form of English. I then realised that I can write! I kept blogging, and that's it - my way of self-expression via writing and blogging has changed for the better forever. =) I can't believe blogging in itself has became a big turning point in my life.

There are many instances when I wanted to spill out my thoughts into my other blog but that wasn't possible because my friends are reading it and when I ventured into Year 10, I made many friends and although I am like a monster saying this, but I couldn't trust them with my innermost thoughts. I was thinking, maybe I should but then I decided against it, believing that it's not wise to do so.

That's the very reason why this blog was conceived - as a place for me to quickly type out whatever worries, problems, frustrations and thoughts that haunt a corner of my brain which can quickly take over me. It felt good to even ramble into space. It's like putting them into a trash bag and send to the incinerator to be burned and forgotten. I must say, it's very liberating.

Another reason why I blog is also so that I can know the severity of my more "serious" problems. Do you guys know I have no idea how less severe my problems seem to be once I reread them again later? I realised that most of them are as a result of my hyperactive brain and I have this tendency to over-exaggerate even the most menial problems. Thank you to all who commented to help make my problem seem small and solvable, I truly appreciate it and it made me relaxed more, now that I can see my problem from a different angle, i.e. your perspective.

I also think more of my heart than my head, and that presents a really bad problem to me. Sometimes, when I ramble, I find that I'm not even thinking at all, just lashing out my emotions and thoughts into a blog post. (That's why some are pretty angsty. =P) It's always much, much later that I only made use of my logic centre up there to come up with solutions and to calm myself down. It's really funny at times. =P

What makes blogging so liberating for me is my anonymity. I guess a lot of people who stumble into this little haven of mine have often wondered who is that guy behind that cartoon portrait? Not disclosing his name is perfectly fine, but not even his location? The reason why I do not disclose anything besides my age is because I want to have the complete freedom to write whatever I want. Freedom of self-expression is what I really want because I am conformed by pressures of society to be someone normal - someone who doesn't share his own, personal thoughts with everyone he is acquainted with. Besides, I'm weird myself already. I don't think they are ready for more of my private and even weirder thoughts. =P

Besides, I don't really like sharing my thoughts with people. Sometimes, secrets are best kept to one self. I am also making myself vulnerable. People will take advantage of me and many a times, I find it rather difficult to fend it off. I'm not strong enough, both physically and mentally.

That itself, however, presents another problem of mine. I want to at least tell someone what I am going through now. I have no idea why I have such a funny need to do so. But yeah, I just want to share my life with someone. People have called me private, but I long to tell them all that has happened to me. It's just that I don't trust them enough and worse: I am fearful of divulging them me.

By putting my name and my location and horrors of all horrors, my picture (!), I am severely limited to what I can write as people who know me personally would expect certain things from me and not to expect weird, yet "wonderful" things about me. And wouldn't this ruin the whole point of keeping a secret blog as well (remember Google ;) )? Things I hide from loved ones disclosed here to total strangers who know nothing about you. The only way they can get to know the real you is via blog posts, of course. ;)

That is the real beauty of blogging. =) You can always do that in real life, but unfortunately, certain circumstances prevent one from doing so.

I just want to tell you guys that in this blog, I'm not a person.

I'm a soul stripped off its body and flesh, and bones...

Am I jeopardising my vulnerability? Very. I know that itself is a paradox. But then, I just want to show my true self to the world, something that I don't always do in real life. Besides, my anonymity is my protection. =P

I honestly have no idea this blog and I could evolve and mature so much within the time span of half a year! I was happy that I got to know a few people via comments and who now have became my very good buddies. Each of them offered many different good advices and opinions and I appreciate ALL of them. =)

Never in my whole life did I expect this blog to win the Bestest Blog of The Day awards the other day. I was, and still am, OVERJOYED! =D Yaaaay!!! Thank you to everyone who came here to read my blog posts, from the humble beginnings of this blog to its present day state. =) I certainly enjoy blogging about my life, and I hope you guys enjoy reading it as well. =)

P.S. The portrait below was done by my little brother using Adobe Photoshop Elements 2.0 and a graphics tablet in one of his Art classes. Doesn't it look nice (albeit grotesque in a really cool way? ;) )?


© that frolicsome kid's little brother, 2007 - 3007 (lol!). Click on picture to view full-size.

[+] There's more!

Lugging myself into the computer room, with half-eyes closed I checked my email inbox, expecting it to be empty. My eyes fluttered open when I saw Bobby's name there and I was like, "Erm, does he want to ask me something?" And...*drum roll*

OH MY GOSH! IS THIS FOR REAL?! THIS MUST BE A DREAM!



YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! =D =D

And I went to http://bestestblogofalltime.blogspot.com...

I cannot believe it! I. Have. Been. Chosen. As. A. Winner! This is so incredibly exciting! This date - 6th of February 2007 - will never be the same again. I shall remember it as one of the most important dates in history! =D

First of all, I want to shout out a big thank you to Mimi for writing a great review about me and this blog of mine. Thank you so much! =D I really appreciate it! =D

I would like to blog more, but unfortunately, I got to go now. =( I need to get some shut eye as I'm exhausted. And I have got to deal with some other important stuffs as well. See you guys later, and thanks for the award Bobby and Mimi! =D

By the way, for those of you who stumbled into here from Bestest Blog of All Time...

WELCOME! =)

[+] There's more!

This is a follow-up blog post from Sociology? And other thoughts...

Oh my gosh, what is wrong with me? Why am I beginning to worry about this again? This is bad, this is very bad...

Last night while I was in bed, I was hit by the sudden, sick realisation. I have not done much for Sociology, i.e. I have only covered 1 and a half big units, and there are 7 more to go. This is frustrating. I don't think I can complete all eight units in time for the exam in November. I might as well forget it and spend my energy concentrating on my 8 more important subjects, and score better marks in them.

There's just one problem though. I have to inform the deputy principal regarding my change in decision (this is the third time: first was to obtain permission to sit for this subject, second was to switch from Additional Maths to Geography, and now this...) again. Will she even approve of my decision? I have even got my parents' consent. What will they say? Most importantly, what will she say?! Will she criticise me and make me DO it, whether I like it or not?

I believe I still stand a chance though since registration has yet to be opened. Guys, I don't look forward to stand in her office telling her my change of my decision. I don't think she'll take me seriously, and she will shoot a plethora of questions hurling towards me. Questions, questions. I even tried to imagine how the meeting with her would turn out last night. I almost couldn't sleep last night.

Why did I want to drop this subject? First of all, there are still many more topics to cover. So, why did I take it in the first place? Honestly, I have no idea - I was thinking more with my heart than my head (in other words, I was too blinded by the sudden discovery of me suddenly developing an interest in this subject I went straight to sit for it in the O Levels without thinking of the effort I have to put in and its consequences). And I sort of regretted my hasty decision...

Again.

Oh boy, I'm in deep trouble. I am very afraid that she's going to request me to take up Additional Maths as replacement. I can imagine the look on my ex-teacher's face, glaring at me, daring me to tell her the reason why I made a stupid decision...

That'll be highly unlikely, but I never know. My school life is so messed up.

Did I tell you that I was afraid to tell her that I want to stop doing this subject? It's not too late right, since registration is yet to be opened. *shudder at the thought* I just am afraid to confront her and ramble nothing but mutterings. I was thinking of treating her to a cup of coffee at a local coffee shop and talk things thoroughly about my decisions.

I don't think it's necessary.

I have been badly misinformed. I should have been more patient and wait to study this subject later in Sixth Form, when more experienced teachers can deliver this subject to me properly. I lack resources as well; I cannot find past year papers online, the syllabus outline is too vague and frankly, there's a lot to remember! No, I don't think I can commit myself fully to study Sociology now.

Regrets, regrets. Oh, stupid naive me! >.<

So, should I see her? Or should I just go on and study this? (I definitely hope it isn't the latter because well...I just know I cannot go on anymore.) =(

[+] There's more!

Why don't I feel happy about him, but instead a melancholy feeling lingers in my soul? I mean, it's his birthday today and I am happy that he has finally turned 16, the sweetest age of anyone's life.

I think it's because our relationship isn't so hot now and it isn't working out I guess, despite making up (phrase edited on 5/2, thanks katelyn and annelisa for pointing out!) and settling our rather fragile friendship way back at New Year's Day. It was a Sunday...

This is horrible, I shouldn't be feeling like this. But I honestly cannot help it as these past few days I have been haunted by thoughts about him and I have been questioning our friendship, where we stand now etc. before sleep. Something is wrong; there's no more spark between us unlike last time, three years ago.

Did I tell you guys about the outing I had with him last month? To tell you the truth, it was not exciting at all. It was incredibly dull, if it wasn't for the movie. We talked rather little, and even if we did talk, our topics were rather dry anyway since they were school-related talk and other simple chats and comments passing (I can't remember them). It was horrible, we both weren't opening up to each other. What is wrong? What went wrong? Was it me?

I hate to jump to conclusions but I think the downfall of our friendship was having nothing in common in all. I couldn't find anything in common between us anymore. We don't play the same games and we don't have the same interests. Sometimes, I cannot help but feel jealous at the fact that he has a big circle of friends (at least among the guys), united by a (stupid) game I call Warcraft and other games they play. I know I have made a rather harsh statement, but I can't help but have this feeling that the aforementioned is true. (By the way, I dislike or rather hate Warcraft. I am inexperienced (or in 1337, a n00b)

Guys, I honestly don't know what is coursing through me now. Despite being best friends for quite a number of years, I know very little about him. It's only his overt personality that I know of. Even so, I still know little about it compared to most of his friends. I don't know his hobby (besides gaming), I don't know his favourite colour and his favourite things, I don't know how he views life and how he thinks. I can't even tell from the way he say things whether he is sarcastic about it, serious about it, angry about it or is simply kidding about it. (Maybe it's due to his neutral intonation.)

Heck, I don't even know some of his secrets which most of his friends do. I tell him mine. I am very open to him, I tell him some of my secrets and I seek solace in him many a times. So why doesn't he tell me some of his, or at the very least share what's going on in his life besides the usual "Nothing much"? (I admit, I say that too many times.)

In other words, he is *heaves a heavy sigh* becoming a stranger in my life. I'm even closer to some of my good friends than him. There's another way of saying it, but I can't recall it at the moment.

This happened to me twice already, having a falling out with three of my previous best friends. One moved to another school and I haven't seen him since, another I abandoned for a "new" best friend and the other one was because he took advantage of my weaknesses and he bullied me.

Was it all because I have labeled them as my "best friend"? Am I cursed as to whenever I say it out, some unseen forces will try and split us apart? (It was an exaggeration. There's a high chance that it wasn't because of that.) Or have I befriended the wrong best friend?

Or is everything all because of me, that I'm too demanding and I take all this best friend relationship thing too seriously? Fine, I am a bit demanding and I do take these sort of friendships seriously. That's because I care for them and I also want to share moments of my life with them be it bitter or sweet. And I want intimate companionship(s), not having fake acquaintances and fans.

All I want is just someone to be nice to me, and to see and like me as who, not what, I am. Besides that, I also want a someone who can keep on a lookout for me, talk to me, give some attention to me (not everytime though, I need some space) and be his/her genuine self.

Are they too much to ask for? I think so... Maybe I should keep my...err..."expectations" lower, I guess...

We lack communication. We used to be pretty talkative when we see each other. Lately, we're not. It's all a matter of hi and bye.

*sigh*

I sometimes even fear meeting him. My heart beats up for no apparent reason when I see/near him. I don't know what I fear about. I can't explain it. It's just that, I feel extra strange when I am with him. This is weird considering since I act pretty normal with the rest of my friends and acquaintances.

What is wrong with me? Why do I have this paranoia?

I remember turning down on my friends' invitations to go on outings which my best friend is going. I disliked going out at that time (I didn't like staying out of my house). Maybe that was my mistake. One day (recently), I decided to give it a try and sad to say this, I didn't have fun. And last year, he invited me to his house for his birthday party. Again, sorry to say this, I didn't have fun. The only fun part I liked was the birthday cake part.

They were playing Warcraft and I felt left out. I was glad to leave them in peace... =(

This is not to say I do not remember all the happy moments we share together. Of course I do. I remember way back in Year 8 when he and I went off to the block of flats near our school before Taekwondo classes begin and we would whip out our Nintendo Game Boy Advances and begin our Pokemon battles. =) I know, it seems pretty childish at that time considering our age, but we had lots of fun fighting! It was awesome even though not many could understand how we can derive enjoyment from playing Pokemon. It was my obsession at that time. Thank goodness it's dying now! ;) But still, that was how we bonded.

I still remember vividly him telling me that he has a crush on the same person as I have. Remember Akazukin ChaCha? Yeah, that was the same person he had a crush on. And I was quite crushed, LOL! I still remember the place he told me that. We were making a turn towards another school behind us. The trees were rustling and I remember the sun shining its rays in its cheerful mood. The birds were singing in the trees with the beautiful music spoiled by zooming cars most of the time. It was a beautiful day.

I also remembered the many times we walked around the block where our school was sited and in our walks, we talked about nothing but ourselves. It was fun and enjoyable, even though I cannot remember what we have talked about. All I remember is the sun shining and they were beautiful days. Hahahaha, and we always came to Taekwondo class a few minutes late! *silly grin*

Those were the days...

And now?

I honestly do not know what caused our distance between us. I blame lack of communication and us splitting up into different classes last year. Then again, we were drifting apart already two years ago. Many times, I addressed the problem to him. Nothing has changed...

What's wrong? (I know I have said this over and over again)

Maybe it's high time that we end our special friendship, on our last year of high school. It's just not working out anymore. I don't mind remaining as friends with him though (I honestly do not want to make an enemy out of a best friend. It happened twice; I don't want it to happen again.). This is what I am really feeling now. It cannot be explained, most of my feelings cannot be put down into words but I know it instinctively.

Maybe it's just me not knowing how to be a good best friend. =(

Dear best friend, if you are still reading my blog and you happen to read this on your birthday, I'm awfully, dreadfully sorry! But these are the true, honest feelings I wanted to pour out quite some time already. Sorry to ruin your birthday =(. I hope you can understand (I know you always tell me you do understand, but do you really? I have my doubts, I hate to say that =( ).

However, please understand this: You are a nice guy (and you still are!) and you treated me so well during the pinnacle of our friendship. I thank you so much for all those times; unforgettable times of my life. Have a great sweet 16th birthday to you and take good care of yourself. Hope you have a great birthday today. =)

[+] There's more!

I just want to say that school has started! I was happy to reunite with my friends again, and we laughed and talked about a lot of things. That what first day of school was meant for anyway, to catch up on friends, not syllabi! =P

It wasn't easy waking up at 6 in the morning again. I had lots of difficulty waking up and adjusting to my "new" schedule after days of sleeping late and sleeping in! =P

Just now, we were given a pep talk on how we are supposed to work hard for our upcoming GCE O Levels and basically, our teacher told us to be more serious and she was constantly stressing on how we only have 9 intensive months left before the exams and how important this last year in high school is. It was really scary but I felt rather motivated to begin doing light revision starting from...tomorrow? (Another wishful thinking of mine! *rolls eyes* =P )

Maybe I should with languages. I managed to obtain a file on the country's O Levels results and did an analysis. I found out that most people had obtained a B (no, I didn't bother with those who scored less than a credit) in Malay. That's a disheartening news, especially when I realise my vocabulary has shrunk to an infancy level! No, I'm not exaggerating, I'm serious! I can't even communicate with my fellow countrymen; I have to constantly speak Manglish or English. Even though they don't mind, it's not doing any good for my upcoming orals.

I have got to work hard to recover my use of Malay! I must make sure my vocabulary will expand to the level expected by fifth formers (Year Eleven-ers). I would love to get an A in this subject (and I definitely want an A for English!). Make it all subjects, LOL! =P

Speaking of the results, I was slightly possessed by jealousy when I saw the fantastic and incredible marks some have gotten. Why must I always be so jealous about these sort of academic achievements, heck I have yet to sit for the exams! >.<

Before I daydream of impossible dreams, I first have got to work hard at it. It has occurred to me in a number of occasions that sometimes, I can get so obsessed with my dream/fantasy, I actually forgot to include the effort needed to do things well. And that results in me "screwing (sorry!)" up things a couple of times.

Yesterday, my mom called my piano teacher to withdraw my little brother out from piano classes mainly because he is lacking the interest to continue playing to piano. He said that piano is so out of his league (i.e. he finds it difficult). Thank goodness the conversation my mom had with her was full of laughter and cheerful talks. I was almost afraid to confront her (I definitely do not want her to bombard me with questions regarding my brother!). I am so relieved that everything is alright now, and according to what she told my mom, this trend of dropping piano is too common.

My brother was terribly overjoyed last night! He was pretending that all the piano musical notes were falling out of his brain! It was such a hilarious sight! I have never seen such a happy person before, it totally scares me! =O Nevertheless, he has been bugging us about this matter for quite some time already, so I guess I can understand that! *shrug* =D So now, he's picking up Art and I must say, he has a talent for it! His drawings were amazing for a "new student"! Maybe I can post up a few here if I can...

Alright, I got to end now. I need to relax after a long, hard, arduous day at school and an exhausting piano class. It has been a long time since I have last played Sims 2. What am I hearing now? I hear the Sims CDs calling out my name weakly. Somehow, I am hypnotized by their voice... Time to insert my CD into the drive and start playing!

On the other hand, I have My Sister's Keeper to read. The story is about a girl who wants to stop donating her organs to her sister, since she was conceived (or rather, genetically created) to let her sister live. It's really fascinating to read how she is now fighting for her own rights after all those years.

Great, I'm having a dilemma of choosing my mode of relaxation. I must be the first person in the world who does this "unique" decision-making! =P

[+] There's more!