I'm going nowhere in Grade 8. My confidence in piano is non-existent. My self-esteem in music playing hits an all-time low. I can't even be bothered to practice anymore. I forgot most of my theory in music and thus, I doubt I can even pass Grade 8 Theory if I were to sit for it this November.

My piano teacher is so going to be torn into pieces if she were to know I want to give piano a break. She will be extremely disappointed and disgusted by my "rash decisions", and it will all be my fault.

The manuscripts of the exam pieces freak me out. Huge chords scare me. Sight-reading is extremely intimidating. There are too many black dots, too few rests and white space. I don't think I can handle Grade 8 anymore. I can't even satisfy the minimum requirements anymore.

I don't want to make music (as in instruments) a part of my life anymore. I want to lose that identity because it's no longer me. It feels like a foreign debris lodged into my soul. And the worse thing is I'm so "far" into music now, I am "not expected" to stop, and let everything go to waste.

I'm so sorry. =( I wished I could be better, but I'm not acting on my words. It just isn't my interest anymore. And I don't know how to put this forward to her, who has selflessly imparted to me musical skills for about a decade. I'm sorry, I really am. I don't want to hurt her feelings. And I don't know what to do now... I just can't go for piano lessons anymore.

[+] There's more!

Let me tell you of my bitter experience while traveling in a foreign land.

It happened in Murray Street, during the first week of my holiday. I had just hopped off the free city bus heading to Borders, my favourite place in Perth. So we walked past Woolworths and I decided to stop for a drink before we continue to Borders. As I was struggling to free my bottle from my bag, a guy approached me. This guy was big (not in an intimidating way) and had shaggy blond hair. He was freckled and wearing shirt and shorts. He's in his teen, probably not older, or even younger, than me. I thought he looked shoddy.

So this guy stopped me and asked for my help. I was confused by his sudden appearance. First of all, city people do not call out to random strangers. He proceeded to explain that he needed someone to help him carry a sign around which advertised Subway burgers. I eyed him suspiciously, and told him I was busy and heading off to a bookstore (yes, stupid response! =O). I don't know how, or why, but he managed to persuade me to help him out for a little while. He told me to walk around Murray and Hay Streets and hold the sign. That was all I had to do. I asked why, and he told me he needed a little break.

Guess what? I said:

Err... okay, sure! Just for a short while, right?

Oh my goodness, can you believe how dumb I was? I was what my former English teacher says, "A blinking donkey". My little brother instantly avoided me and pretended he didn't know me. I REALLY did walk around holding up the sign! People were eyeing me. They STARED at me!!! =( At first, I felt fuzzy doing something nice for someone, until I began to flush with embarrassment. Then it hit me.

I WAS USED! USED!!!

I cannot believe my stupidity. I may be that smart alec in class, but my street smartness equates 0! I didn't walk too far a distance, thankfully, saving me many minutes of shame. My little brother pestered me to go back and give it back to the guy. I even scolded him lightly, before I heeded to his sensible advice and headed back to our promised meeting place near Woolworths.

So I walked back there and tried looking for the guy.

AND THERE HE STOOD IN FULL GLORY, CLEARLY FLIRTING WITH A SALESGIRL! =O (She was promoting some product at a small stall.)

I was boiling mad. I approached him quickly, and he pretended to not even notice me! He went to a group of giggling girls and pretended to join in a conversation.My temperature soared an all-time high. I ranted to the salesgirl. While she was sorry to see me being taken advantage off, she told me bluntly she couldn't help me.

I questioned the legality of making tourists help someone with work. The guy finally acknowledged me after some time. I repeated it again to him.

"It is illegal to make tourists do the work for you. I'm a tourist, you're not supposed to do that."

"I'm just asking you to help out. Can't you help me out for a few more minutes? You will even be paid for it!"

An interlude here: Forgive me for saying this, but...

FUCK YOU! TO HELL WITH YOU, YOU ARSEHOLE!

*ANGRY*

I then realised I was being taken advantage of by some unknown dude! And he had probably told the girls how he has managed to influence a nerdy chink to do something stupid. I was embarrassed, I felt foolish, stupid and dumb! I am worse than a retard, I tell you! =(

To avoid more trouble, I passed back the sign to him rudely and strode away. He called after me and tried stuffing the sign into my bag. "What are you doing?" I hissed. I strode faster. He was getting closer. HE WAS ACTUALLY CHASING ME!

HE WAS BEGGING ME TO HELP HIM! *shriek* That IS not helping at all! If you want help, you don't go desperate over it, especially not something like this. It is his job to walk around the city and advertise for Subway. I have absolutely nothing to do with it. Too bad I didn't realise that many minutes ago! Argh! =(

The situation took a turn for the worse. Feeling embarrassed was bad enough. It wasn't until later that night I realised what had just happened.

I. Was. Harassed.

This guy was insane! He actually chased me across the block. I fled for my life. Adrenaline kicked in. Fight or flee. I chose the latter. I can't fight. I'm too pathetic to fight. I ran with all my might. I ran one block and ended up at Hay Street. I didn't stop until I was near Borders, and certain that he was gone. There was no way that chav could have run so far. I thanked God for blessing me with naturally long legs.

I was flustered and lost my younger brother. I panicked. What if he harassed my brother? Thankfully, he came a minute later, complaining that he couldn't keep up with me. I was too shocked to laugh at the pun. He explained that he saw me took off and the guy stopped running at the junction. The guy later went back without touching my brother. I was so glad that my brother was unharmed. That was my primary concern.

Rage took over me. I was determined to lodge a complain at Subway. People like that should not exist on this planet. The very least I can do is to get him fired, so that other people will not be victimised. I forgot where Subway was, since it has been a year since I set foot on the city. I took my courage and asked a random passer-by for help. I did say previously that city people do not call out to random strangers. So the couple ignored me before I asserted that I want to know where Subway was. I went to the nearest one which was at the Carillon City food court at the same street. I thanked them and headed down to Subway.

I searched wildly for Subway, like a hungry lion looking for a prey. I spotted it and went to lodge a complain. Sadly, my complain wasn't taken seriously by the branch manager. He could not understand what I say, and handed me a serviette with the Subway hotline written on it. He told I could voice my complain there. I was told by one of the staff that they do not hire anyone to advertise burgers for them.

I was shocked beyond belief. He had been faking it all along! It was all a set-up. I never felt so humiliated in my life. The expression on my face was despair and panic, and I think I scared everyone there. I think I looked like a psycho. =|

I thanked them and walked away sadly. I kept the serviette with me, determined to phone Subway later. At that time, I simply had to shop for books. They provide solace, especially after the stupid traumatic event.

No, I didn't call Subway in the end. There was simply too little information I can provide. I can describe his appearance and the place it happened but that was about it. I doubt there was anything the Subway people can do anyway, since I didn't have his name. I tore the serviette into pieces and threw it away. Damn it, the fucking dickhead got away! He is going to harass more people now. Or maybe tell the entire world how he has managed to get a stranger do his bidding and exert his supremacy.

No justice was served. It was so unfair! =(

My younger brother had me relate the experience to my older brother and his girlfriend. They had wanted to laugh at my story, but they didn't. And I was really surprised. They gave me different advices on how to handle such situations. My elder brother told me to either ignore him or tell him to fuck off if he keeps persisting. It is the city after all, and it can be a treacherous place. His girlfriend taught me to break the advertisement in front of him, and walk away. It sounded pretty cool, and I was envisioning the likely outcome of the situation. Alas, I couldn't do anything since it had already happened.

This experience has really shattered my liking for the city. I love cities, I love to be a city dweller one day. I feel really sad to know the city isn't as safe as I think. I mean, they do portray those in movies, but I never thought it can actually happen to me.

It did, and I will never forget it. It scarred me for life, I guess (or maybe that is another exaggeration). And the very thought that evil is more evil than that is not comforting at all. It changed my future visits to Hay Street and Murray Street malls. I now avoid passing Woolworths, and I am now more careful of myself. My brother warned me that place is a hang-out spot for delinquent teenagers.

I guess the old adage of "never talk to strangers" still applies no matter how old you are.

I was so afraid of going back the next day, but I'm not going to let paranoia get the best of me. After all, I need to make repeated visits to Borders since it is such a wonderful haven for book-lovers. I'm glad Borders is some distance away from Woolworths.

When I once visited Garden City shopping mall and Carillon City, I spotted him AGAIN! I immediately went into OMG mode and immediately retraced my steps. I can't believe I can bump into him twice! Especially in places like Perth where the population is about a million. What are the odds of that happening? And the worst thing was that he wore the same outfit! =| That was freaky. I don't know whether my eyes are playing tricks on me or not. I'm just glad I wasn't seen by him, or whoever he was.

Or maybe I have developed a fear for large freckled Caucasian with blonde shaggy hair who wears black outfit. Is there even such a fear?! =O

My mind is so twisted...

I regretted not even trying to call Subway and lodge a complain. I mean, I think it's worth a try. *sigh* I have failed to stop a monster...

And I do wonder, why of all people was I picked? Is it racism? My vulnerable appearance? My brother suggested that I looked too nice and an easy target. =(

I did get something out of this experience though. I think I now understand harassment and humiliation, and I now know how to handle similar situations...

=(

[+] There's more!

The school prom was held a few days ago. I was there, hoping that I will have a slim chance to know Mona Lisa better and get to dance with her. Unfortunately, it wasn't the perfect scene I envisioned after reading all those romance novels, i.e. Nicholas Sparks's =). On the contrary, I would say it was a total disaster! =(

I scored when I found an empty seat next to her. The table was mostly unoccupied anyway. It started off well. So we made small chit-chats and all to build up the hype that was to follow soon. =P Obviously, I can't immediately throw an engagement and propose, right? Okay, I think that is a bit over-exaggerated! The time seems to drag along. The fact that I have a Maths test the next day did not help much either. I was constantly worrying about logarithms, binomial expansions and topics that I would have covered had I not dropped Additional Maths, or came to my new school at the start of the semester.

There was a scrumptious buffet after that. The food was pretty good, which I expected since well, we are dining in the 5-star hotel. I did not manage to gobble a lot of the food as I was kind of bloated. And I was really looking forward to a slow dance with her too. Unfortunately, as the hours wore on, the idea never really materialised. I was crushed when I missed out the few opportunities, and I realised too late that it will never happen. Yeah, I did ask her for a dance at one point. Too bad we are both bad dancers. We left the dancing floor not too long after. We tried again later, but this time, we're dancing with a group of friends. She didn't seem to want to dance with me anymore.

As time goes by, the whole prom thing was getting tiring, repetitive and boring. There isn't much to do besides eating and dancing. It was boring. Nothing spectacular happened there. I knew it. I shouldn't have purchased a ticket. Social events like this always bore me, and I have no idea why. Sure, I was happy to see my friends having the time of their lives. I enjoyed it too, but pretty soon, everything seemed pretty pointless. =S

On the other hand, another drama unfurls somewhere outside the beach. It was nearing 10, and I did not have much time left. School was a killjoy. I wished I could stay a bit later and spend some more time with her, since it's probably the last time I will see her. You know, I was planning in my head to tell her of my feelings before we never see each other again. To come in, and then walk out. That sounds incredibly unfair and selfish but I really don't know what else to do. I just need to tell her.

So, I spent quite some time trying to look for her by the beach (the hotel is by the seashore). I tried to call her and text her with my new mobile phone. She picked up the phone the first time, but surprisingly, she didn't answer my text messages or my calls. I looked around the hotel grounds in vain. I was exhausted but I kept on looking, the urge to tell her was pressing. I finally found her sitting at the bench with some of her guy friends and having a great time. I was confused and lost. I did not know what to feel. There was relief, there was anger, there was despair, there was sadness and there was jealousy. =(

I approached her, and she nonchalantly said, "There you are!". I was baffled and asked her why she didn't answer my calls. She told me that she could not hear it. I was surprised, because how could she hear the first time. Was she snubbing me? It was hard to tell. I could feel my chances of success had suddenly slimmed. I politely asked her to walk with me in front of those guys (whom I instinctively disliked, not because they were hanging out with her). Sheesh, those guys can seriously ruin intimate moments. -.-" I can't believe they HAD TO FOLLOW her around wherever she goes with me. Damn. I felt like a pathetic lover.

I kept making small talks which slowly escalated to that "something big". Tonight, I thought, I will confess my feelings for her. Time flew by incredibly fast, and my mom was about to fetch me soon. We walked around, ended in deadends, and had to retrace our steps, with those goons following behind us. And she seemed to enjoy their lame and pathetic jokes. Come on! Aren't you getting my hints? Are you really that dense? Doesn't walking together, alone, doesn't mean something to you?

I actually had to drag her away. I had to stride quickly, hoping she was keeping up with me and lose those guys. When they were far back behind, I told her my feelings. It came out wrong. I instead asked her, "Hey Mona Lisa. [pause] Do you, erm, [pause] like me?"

"As a friend?"

"Yeah..."

"Of course."

"Erm, [pause] as something more? More than just friends?" I finally stuttered.

"No, sorry."

I was crushed. That was not turning out well at all. I gave the impression that I was rude, inconsiderate, and desperate for love. That wasn't the impression I want to portray. It was so wrong! How much worse can it go?

I hung my face low. I was not only disappointed, I also felt like a failure and a loser. There goes another crush who doesn't reciprocate my feelings. Why do I fall into the vortex of romance so easily? =( After a year and a half of liking her and really falling hard for her, this was how I was rewarded? Okay, you may think I am out of my mind and being overly optimistic, but I was secretly hoping to share my first kiss with her. At the beach under the beautiful moonlight, while the waves softly caress the beach. Happening at my favourite spot and fulfilling a crazy desire. Just the two of us.

Not surprisingly, that never happened at all. Man, I would be slapped if I got fresh with her like that after telling me she has no feelings for me at all. Nada. Zilch. I would also be labeled as a number one jerk too.

She explained that she wanted to concentrate on her studies. Her studies! =O I mean, gosh, we're not studying now (at least, she's not studying now) and she's already talking about the future? To tell you the truth, I wasn't sure myself how to go on with the relationship had she admitted she liked me. I don't think I am able to commit myself fully to her. Despite reading romance, I don't know how to progress from that point of "confession".

I think our love, should it happen, will be ephemeral. Our feelings will have dissolved by the end of next year. Because I won't be seeing her again.

In the end, logic prevailed. My emotions were too numb to guide me. I accepted the fact that she did not like me that way. Maybe she knows it was not good for either of us. I don't know. I feel so confused reflecting back that night. I don't think I will visit that hotel for a long time. Bad memories are now associated with it.

I told her that she was a special girl, without really stating the reason why. I'm not too sure what made her so attractive. Maybe it was her beauty. Maybe it was her voice. Maybe it was her kindness and grace. Maybe it was her being understanding. And she told me someone actually complimented her that way too. I didn't want to ask anymore questions. And I start to wonder what chances have I already got. As far as I am concerned, I don't think any special relationship is meant to happen anymore.

After that night, however, I'm not so sure anymore.

Right after our walk, we both went back into our own worlds. Friends greeted us and all (thank goodness they did not make any comments) and we went back into our own worlds. I quickly got out of mine while waiting for her to wrap things up before she walked me back to the lobby of the hotel. You know, I can't believe she forgot that I was there so quickly in a short span of time. Shouldn't she excuse herself from them so that she can go up with me? Or am I just a selfish jerk who seeks attention from the girl he fancies?

I gave her a friendly hug at the lobby, thanking her for a great time. I then headed for my car. I was hoping that when I turned back, she will still be there looking forlornly at me and smile for the last time. My Hollywood scene did not happen. When I turned back, she was gone. My smile evaporated. Sighing, I greeted my mom and left the place.

You know, while we were talking, she was asking me whether we can still be friends. Just like all the other girls. I gave her a positive response. I had a nagging feeling that this will be our last time together. Friendship seemed impossible.

Just now, I went to her blog and found a few pictures of her with a few guys. One of them was my best friend. I couldn't bear to see their faces and her together. I suddenly realised that I was still not over her! I also realised that my feelings for her was in vain. She never considered me to be that special. She never even asked to take a picture with me.

I was simply an acquaintance, nothing more. I freaked.

I'm walking out of her life, never returning again. I think it is best for me, and for her. A relationship is not meant to happen, I guess.

I guess this shows how faithful I am. =( I'm really worried...

I'm sorry... =(

But, I appreciate your honesty. It really showed me where we stood in the relationship. I respect your feelings. I know too well that for any relationship to work, feelings and love have to be reciprocated. However, thank you. You have made life sweeter and more interesting for me. All the best in everything. Till we meet again, if ever...

[+] There's more!

I'm a curiosity at my new school. People have been coming up to me and asking personal questions about me. Who am I? What do I do?

Unfortunately, I have so much difficulty answering their questions. I habour many secrets, most of them which can ruin my life and make me look like a freak. Ever since coming to school, I am a mystery. Who is this strange new guy? What does he do? Why did he opt for the IB program?

However, one particular question has particularly struck me.

What are your hobbies? What are you good at? What do you always do when you get home?

I wish I could run away from those questions. I can't. Never in my life do so many people ask the same questions at the same time. My eyes flicked from one person to another. I portrayed a fearful image. I was hit by a sudden realisation that I don't know what my hobbies really are.

In my Friendster profile and essays, I mentioned that my hobbies are reading and surfing the Internet. However, I know very well those are not exactly true. Internet is more of an addiction than a hobby. Honestly, you don't want to know the sites I visit. Heck, I don't even remember what I surf everyday, besides Hotmail, Gmail, Friendster, Facebook and a few blogs. =( Reading is, at best, done in one stretch followed by a long hiatus from reading. It depends on my mood.

I sound like a hardcore nerd telling people I love reading. The inner me kicked my shins for telling a lie. It isn't a lie, but it isn't completely true either. It depends on the books I read. And I have a funny flaw. I don't remember what I read after a week, unless the book was really good. I don't normally re-read books either. So naturally, I can't go far telling people about a book other than "It's really good, you should read it.". I hope that by doing literature in English and Malay in IB, these will change.

So what else do I do?

Music
Sports
Language
Miscellaneous activities


A. Music

I can't tell them because I'm not proud of the other things I do in life. To put it simply, I suck at them. A persistent activity I kept mentioning in this blog is my musical skills. I wish I could say I was okay at it, but I know that it's far from okay. It's terrible! I'm not musically-inclined either. I don't really listen to music (although nowadays, I'm listening to a few favourite songs), nor talk about music. My life appears to be musically-void. I feel extremely embarrassed to "confess" that I play the piano. In the first few days, I kept my musical "abilities" a secret from peers and teachers.

I fear that I have to perform publicly, especially since I am now a "Grade 8" pianist. Just last lesson, I had wanted to ask my piano teacher, "Honestly, teacher. Am I bad at piano? Because face it, we both know I play terribly. What can I do? I don't think I can do this anymore" I'm not too sure how well I play "well-practiced" pieces. Throughout my entire piano career, all I can remember is my struggles in reading music sheets. My sight-reading skills are as bad as a Grade 3 musician. I can never read notes above ledger lines without counting up or down from a familiar note. I cannot read chords at all without wasting 10 seconds of my life. =S It's ironic that I'm doing Grade 8 musical theory.

My poor sight-reading skills are a big hindrance to my musical abilities. I cannot fully exploit pieces because of my illiteracy. And worse, I'm staying away from new music pieces tailored for Grade 8 students. I think I'm playing Grade 3 pieces at the moment. I don't know. I feel so ashamed of it. I have been learning the piano for a decade and look where I am standing. Still struggling to keep my skills in par with Grade 8 standard. Look at my friends. Just a few years of piano playing, and look where they are! They are performing confidently in public, and they are so happy that they can churn a well-played music in a short span of time.

I lack the dedication to music. Everytime before my piano lessons, I dread of playing my stagnant music and I always am so discouraged to play music. What I hear every time is my music stuttering. It's stupid, I tell you! =( I don't know what to do... I was told to play a variety of music to improve my sight-reading skills, but I kept holding back. I am afraid to make mistakes. I am afraid to hear of my atrocious playing. I am afraid to reading the daunting chords stacked up one upon another. I am afraid of SATB.

I had wanted to give up piano. Because I'm not progressing. I have hit the wall and I can't progress further. And I want to run away from these embarrassment, so that I no longer have to tell people "I play the piano, and I'm in Grade 8" and having to play a poorly-executed song, embarrassing not only them, but myself. And my piano teacher...

In my friend's Friendster profile, another friend was praising her musical abilities. She enjoyed performing for them. And this friend, who no longer goes piano classes, can still play the piano like a professional. And he's a beginner! I admit, I am jealous. Very jealous. And I'm upset. Very upset. Because I don't understand what went wrong with my musical journey.

I'm a disappointment in music. =( I think I'm no longer qualified to play in music.

And I have a crazy dream. Recently, I have been dreaming of playing the violin (or viola). I love the expressive tone of violin, so rich and so melodic. And it's portable too, so that you can hide it in the cupboard. I dream of being a violinist (or violist) in an orchestra, playing the entire The Four Season by Antonio Vivaldi. I dream of getting engrossed in those musical works and hearing the thunderous applauses after the end of this magnum opus.

I have been thinking of picking up the violin, so that I can resurrect the dead musical me, benefiting my piano as well. I know those are just wishful thinking because how can I be dedicated to such an instrument, let alone the piano? I don't want to invest more money into this instrument and not getting anywhere as well. *sigh*

There goes one creative activity for CAS. I doubt music will be a big contributor to my creative hours.


B. Sports

I don't do much sports. As you know, I do swim. Swimming is another activity which I do not mind declaring to people, but is one which I am quite embarrassed about. After taking unnecessary breaks from swimming lessons, I found out that I can longer swim 50 m properly. My front crawl is especially bad. My swimming posture invites plenty of water resistance and hindering my streamlining. So I always return feeling lethargic and wanting to sleep my day away. Swimming lessons are a big energy-drainer. I just don't understand how my strokes are all wrong. Sure, the basic strokes are correct, and I'm getting somewhere, but the physics is wrong. My Taekwondo instructor always told us that by doing sports with the proper and correct technique, one can never get fatigued because those techniques are benefiting our bodies the right way. So something is wrong. I suspected my strength is the limiting factor here.

For a guy, I'm muscleless and puny. I can never lift heavy objects because my biceps and triceps are under-developed. And then, there's those other muscles and all. I just need to work on my strength if I want to be serious about sports. The problem is, I don't know how. =( It's a hindrance to my swimming. Whenever I push the water, I have to expend so much energy until I don't even bother trying to push the water away and propel myself forward. In the end, I'm just executing the stroke for the sake of executing the stroke, not to swim forward faster and more efficiently.

The question of the day is do I do any sports? I was asked that frequently, and my answer is I swim. And that's it. I don't do much sports besides swimming. Basketball is definitely out of the question. Ugly events developed my hatred towards basketball. Never, ever again. And I feel so sad because I only swim, and I sound like a dork saying that I don't do much sports.

I have crazy dreams. I dream of being a professional long-distance runner. I can imagine the announcer enthusiastically saying, "Look at that kid! I have never seen a runner who can maintain his pace and stamina. And look, he's nearing the finishing line and yes, ladies and gentlemen, we have our champion here!" Applauses echo throughout the stadium, and I imagine myself standing at the finishing line staring at disbelief while thinking I did it, I did it! =) On the other hand, I dream of being a marathoner too, running the entire 42 km at a consistent pace together with others who dream to finish the marathon as I do...

But I know those are just wishful thinking because I don't run at all. Not everyday. When I ran the 1.5 km race the other day, I was kind of upset I didn't get the first place. Then again, it's no surprise as I don't even undergo running sessions everyday! I'm really proud of the fact that I still managed to beat many people and the fact that I didn't drop up halfway in the race, like many did. =)

I dream of running like the wind. To run so gracefully and so fluid that it doesn't look like running, but more like a form of beauty. To transform a sport into a form of art. People will stare at me because they are intrigued by the beauty of my run.

I'm crazy for having such extraordinary thoughts which will never happen! Hahaha! =D


C. Language

I take German lessons, as you know. I haven't been going to classes since August because I didn't really have the time to go through my German notes and review for it. Again, this is another proof of lack of dedication. However, interest is still sustained until today. I plan to spend my December holidays catching up on some German as well. In my new school, there is a German in my Maths class. A few days ago, he was reciting to his friends numbers in German.

"Eins, zwei, drei, fier, fuenf..."

I was so tempted to continue it. "Sechs, sieben, acht, neun, zehn, elf, zwoelf, dreizehn, fierzehn, fuenfzehn, sechzehn, siebzehn, achtzehn, neunzehn, zwanzig..." And then telling everyone I am doing German ab initio in my spare time, and communicating with this German dude purely in German. It will be cool to have a "secret language"!

I cannot do that. People will expect me to read German and speak German fluently. I know I'm not expected to do that, but knowing how people will react to language learners, they'll probably ask me anyway. I have to apologize with embarrassment and remind them I am still a learner.

I do some creative writing too. Hahaha, like in English classes?! And the NaNoWriMo I did last year (which has yet to be completed). And this blog too. I can't exactly tell people about this blog and thus, I can't announce that I'm a blogger. I have not blogged in my other site for many months already anyway!


D. Miscellaneous activities

Yes, I watch some television too. Mostly cartoons and some comedy. It's such a childish pastime, but well, I tend to avoid watching drama series. Past experience told me that I'm easily addicted to shows like that! =O

Nowadays, I am still familiarising myself with my new Ubuntu operating system. For one thing, I noticed my Windows XP is lagging really bad ever since installing Ubuntu. I can't think of the reasons behind it, other than Windows XP hating dual-booting with other operating systems. *shrugs*

People, I'm not a nerd. The definition of nerd does not define me. (Okay, after reading that, I think I'm a nerd! O.O) I'm not into the sciences (except Biology but I don't do extra reading during my spare time). But the information I did not disclose gave them such an impression.

I was skeptical about my brother's experience with culture clash in my new school. You know, after transferring to there myself, I am beginning to think he was serious. The people here are so different. More gregarious, more outgoing, more open and more accepting... It's not that it's not good; on the contrary! It is just that after stepping out of a majority-Asian school into a mini-America school, I noticed a stark contrast between these two worlds, and I feel so different. Honestly, I am integrating pretty well into my new school, but I feel that when they begin to approach me and ask me questions about myself, I falter. I suddenly couldn't understand myself. No, not the secrets I blogged here. But more like my very first layer. My basic personality. I feel so lost. I started questioning myself and trying to find my footing.

Never in my life have I felt so lost. When I first came in my former school, people don't ask those questions. They just got to know me gradually, I guess.

I'm so confused. And I'm so bothered by those basic questions which almost everyone can answer them without hesitation.

Who am I? Why do I care so much about what people think of me?

Help... =(

[+] There's more!

Sporadic blogging beckons because it's that time of the month again - examinations! However, this time round, this is a very serious public exam (Cambridge GCE O Levels) which is a stepping stone to tertiary education. In other words, it's not worth screwing it up! =P Unfortunately, my studying odyssey isn't going too great with the sudden introductions of distractions around the house.

So what am I doing besides studying? Recently, I have just discovered Desperate Housewives. Yeap, it's that famous comedy-drama series. I like watching the few episodes of it when I was in Australia last year. It wasn't until now (great timing!) that I have the urge to watch it. I feel kind of embarrassed as a guy that I love that show and am watching it enthusiastically. I have to admit it is pretty addictive! I really love the plots and sub-plots that were woven so perfectly, and how the lives of four women were separate yet linked. Furthermore, it is a good portrayal of life. Love, happiness, fun, deceptions, betrayals, jealousy etc. You can learn a lot from it.

*sigh* And I have finished 3 seasons in a span of a few weeks after buying the DVDs. I can't wait for Season 4! =D I can't believe Star World is still showing Season 3 and Season 4 will not be out anytime soon. =(

I wished I was introduced to American series sooner. Seriously, I cannot believe they are so entertaining. Man, I think I'm weaned from cartoons. Hahaha! =P The next one I'm going to watch is definitely Heroes. A few of my friends have watched it, and they said it was great. I'll buy the DVDs after my exams are over so that I can watch Season 2 in time next year without feeling lost. Yay! I can't wait! =D

I also recently discovered Linux, the free operating system (OS). I have contemplated of upgrading to Windows Vista but after reading horrendous reviews about it only, I then knew Windows XP was so much better. Then comes the serendipity of Linux. I have heard of it before from a geek friend of mine. It wasn't until after some voracious research, I have thought of getting a distro.

I've downloaded Knoppix and I am currently using it via live CD. It has great GUI and it looks pleasingly aesthetic. It's a nice change from the boring XP look. I've enjoyed using it, so much so I'm planning to dual-boot my hard drive with a Linux distro and Windows XP (for my Windows games). More on this later when I have more time to review Linux.

Regarding my Grade 7 piano practical exam, I'm glad to say I passed... barely. I got a 101/150, which is 1 mark more than the mininum passing grade. Honestly, I wish I am happy about it but I'm not. *sigh* The other day, I went out for dinner with the prefects and on my table, the piano examinees were talking about their grades and sharing their experiences with piano.

"Oh, I got borderline merit."

"And I got borderline distinction."

Shut up! I'm so embarrassed to announce my marks. "Eheh, I got a borderline pass?" Yet, my teacher was pretty okay with my performance. My confidence with piano sank down really hard that night, and until today, I am subconciously affected by it. I think I have reached my limit in musicality. I can't get any better. Not with practices that I am reluctant to do. Not surprisingly, I'm not taking Grade 8. And that is my own decision. My fellow music prodigies decided to go for Grade 8, like immediately. I feel like doing a face which says, "Screw you!". I'm sorry to say that, but yes, I feel so inferior compared to these superhumans.

Furthermore, I learned that night that piano teachers are freaky. They hyperventilate and lecture you when you make a mistake during classes and during performances. My friend that day told me that a piano teacher went ballistic because her student did not pass his exams.

CRAZY, I tell you! =O I'm starting to think I'm lucky to have such a nice piano teacher.

Everyone MUST pick up piano. It's the norm, especially in Asia. I took it up when I was young voluntarily. I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm so doubtful of my own musical abilities now. I'm slowly losing my grip. Is it worth to bother finishing Grade 8? People say I shouldn't stop (at least I know they would say that) since I'm near the top but I think endowing myself as a Grade 8 pianist is like labelling a high school student a university graduate. I'm just not cut for it. I just want to play for fun. Not as a profession. I just wish people around me will understand that. I don't want to quit, but that somehow influences me to.

The topic on music went on for quite some time. It was the worst time of my life. As a musician, I can't connect with other musicians. I think it's a bit tad sad. It is a mistake if you suddenly bring up a topic about piano. I'll shy away and try to change topic. =(

The topic went on to swimming. Okay, it is good. At least it's something I can do adequately and can relate too. It went straight on to competitive swimming. Oh great, here we go again. =S I learnt that swimming coaches can be as crazy as piano teachers. My friend had a coach which made him do drills after drills, after drills. If you fail to turn up for even a day of practice session, they'll decapitate you first before asking questions. You have to breathe swimming, eat swimming, play swimming and sleep swimming! =O

At that moment, I was thinking, what the hell is wrong with society? Nuts, I say! When it comes to competition, everyone is inconsiderate. No excuses, no frills. Just do it. If you can't do it, I'll make you do it.

AHHHH!

Again, I think I'm lucky to have such a nice coach. At least he seems nice...

I have a friend, or rather an academic rival. He is one of the scientific brainiacs in class. It's no surprise since "his mom is a Physics teacher". Guess what? Teachers are surprised when he fails to get 80 and above for Chemistry and Physics. His mom gets disappointed, edgy, frustrated and murderous when he gets bad results, which is pretty good to most people, even me. He feels sad because he is about to get punished.

I'm glad my mom isn't anywhere like that. She loves me for who I am and my current capabilities. =)

Just when you think your are happy with yourself. Then, there are people out there who goes on and on about their disappointment in not achieving perfection. Don't you just wish there was some way to silence their neighing?

I'm a hypocrite. I'm like that too, only at times. Still, there is a limit to it, right? It is one way of improving ourselves by competing. Too much is unhealthy...

*sigh*

I must concentrate on studies first. That is my main priority. I'll worry about piano and swimming and others after exams, when there is plenty of time to do it. Then again, maybe I won't.

I think this blog post has went off tangent. Lol!

[+] There's more!

It's bad enough that I have dry lips and have to rely on using a lip balm. Why must that accident have to happen? I shouldn't have brought that lip balm stick to school, let alone put it in the same pocket as my handkerchief. I shouldn't have gone down to eat! =O It's so embarrassing!

Must one of the two girls have to go all the way to my other blog and ask such a personal question? She left a message, "Do I use a lip balm?". Yeah, obviously, since you have already seen it with your eyes. As much as I wished it wasn't an illusion, it wasn't. It projects an impression that I, a guy, is metrosexual. I don't worry about my appearance excessively! I wished I have no dry lips. On that day, I must bring that stick to school and put it in the pocket. Woe is me!

I'm very embarrassed. How am I supposed to answer it? Tell the whole world that I depend on it? I'll be laughed at! Even at this moment, I can feel the malicious gossip about me spreading from one person to another, as if acting rather feminine isn't bad enough. Maybe I should just delete her message, but that would make things worse by indirectly denying it. I could say I have dry lips, but I sound really ridiculous and people will laugh at me and call me names. =(

It's stupid! Ahhhhh! Why me? =O I feel really self-conscious now.

I was in a mood to study after I came back from lunch but after seeing that message, I lost my motivation. I started worrying and despite genetics being an interesting topic, I kept thinking about her message. I wished she asked me privately instead of online.

I really don't know what to do now... =( Stupid lips!

[+] There's more!

Beware! This blog post is pretty text-heavy! Images will not accompany the text because I ran out of inspiration! Heehee!

Many pleasant events have taken place during the last few days. I feel really glad to experience them! =) Many of them deal with relationships. I just feel so loved and wanted. I'm really happy! I'm ecstatic to know I have many close friends. No, I don't mean a thousand or a million! =O Sure, I've got probably a few but that's plenty enough for me. Yahoo!

Before I delve into the subject of friendships, do you remember about the piano exam I had the other day? It turns out that it went quite well. It's definitely far from perfect, but I'm slightly optimistic about passing the exam! I'd still say that despite the fact that I had completely messed up my A1 exam piece (I murdered it! =P) due to nerves. *sigh* There were some slips in my scales, again due to nerves and carelessness.

But what I'm quite proud out is my accomplishment of sight-reading rather fluently! =D It's definitely much more easier than the normal practices my teacher drilled me in. There were minimal chords in it. I failed to obey the dynamics and the tempo but it came out decently. I'm really happy with it. And it is the first time I am actually hopeful that my sight-reading section can help pull my marks out. My aural however is a different story. I seriously have unmusical ears! =P I think I flunked my section. In one part of the aural, I was asked to sight-sing. I completely babbled random Do-Re-Mi notes. I wouldn't if the beat wasn't so fast! The examiner had already finished playing while I was still halfway singing in vain. =|

According to a friend, results will be released sometime next week. That's extremely fast and I hope he is really wrong! =P I hope the two years' work pays off. =)

I doubt I was actually concentrating in school that day itself. I spent half the day worrying about my exam while I spent the rest sharing my experience with my friends and simply rejoicing that I survived the ordeal. What an accomplishment! =D I won't be touching the piano for about a fortnight. No more playing the same three songs and scales over and over again. =D It drives me crazy!

That wasn't it on Monday. One of my close friends had a surprise for me - she announced to me that my birthday present was ready and she gave me after school. I was elated even though it was pretty early. Well, she told me it wouldn't be so nice to present me the present on my day itself since I'll be having an oral exam (what a bummer, huh?). I thanked her profusely and gladly accepted it. =)

To be honest, I wasn't thinking about it that much on the way home since I was too busy relieving the experience. However, as I approached home, I began to feel excited about opening the present. No, I wasn't patient enough to wait until my birthday. And why wait? =P Hee hee hee! So I opened. I really like her choice of gifts (note the plural). ;) They are really cute! I placed them in the respective places. However, one thing stood out among the paraphernalia. It wasn't expensive either, but to me, it is priceless.

A message.

Do you have any idea how I longed to get a message, an actual, physical message, from a friend (besides greeting cards)? No one has done that for a long time! I felt terribly touched by what she had written there, about how we became close together and some nice thank-you messages for me. But most importantly, how glad she is to have me as a friend. I could have cried if I were more sensitive. =) I mean, it really means a lot to me to hear that. It just makes me feel warm inside, comforted by the thought that I have a true friend. Well, honestly, I am glad to meet her and befriend her as well. Sure, we may have our differences. She may not be perfect. I'm not too. We overlooked our imperfections and concentrated on the good ones.

I'm so glad to have such a friend. =) Words themselves cannot describe my appreciation. Thank you for the message. It really made my day. And you have made me feel special in your eyes. =)

I will treasure that message in my memory box. Yes, I do have one! There really isn't much inside. It's mostly birthday cards, greetings and photos (which aren't many). Yeah, it's kind of my secret desire to receive meaningful messages from friends once in a while. Okay, it's not on the top of my wishlist. You know what I mean, right? Sometimes, when you're feeling down or bored, you'll just sift through your memory box or messages (or whatever really!) to remind yourself that you are special in someone's eyes. And those are really comforting facts.

Come Tuesday, I wasn't expecting anyone to divulge her secrets to me. I am not as close to this person as other close friends. The day before, I politely asked her for passwords to her secret blog posts in Wordpress since I'm quite "inquisitive" myself. ;) Hahaha! Anyway, I have not got a response from her until Tuesday afternoon (nor do I want to bring up the subject matter). So I went online and managed to catch her. She must be psychic that I wanted the passwords without me saying much except "Hi!". =O Then, I made a small comment regarding her blog posts. And well, I felt joyous to know that I am trustworthy enough to let her confide her secret. (I love secrets!)

She began to talk about her relationship problems with a certain guy. And she thinks it's girl talk. I don't think so! I think guys do talk about relationship problems too. At least I will. ;) So yes, we chatted. It was pretty interesting to listen to her problems. It wasn't so funny actually (well, she and I kept laughing probably because she made it sound quite hilarious). =P It was kind of weird to know that even though I eavesdropped that morning and overheard her best friend hinting on a certain someone. Truthfully, it sounds weird she have been liking that guy for quite a long time. I guess those are what you call secrets.

Pardon me for making a weird analogy to The Sims 2, but after being her listener to her secrets, it sort of boosted our relationship points by a lot. And I mean a lot! I think secrets are built upon a foundation of trust. And maybe as you know more about the person, the trust grows and people will forge really close together. It really reminds me of how I first divulged my crush to a mutual friend. Guess what? We're now really close and it has gone to the extend that I really trust her enough to let her in on this blog. We both now voraciously share secrets. It's really fun. But at the same time, it brings us even more closer together after gaining more understanding of each other. It's funny how secrets shared lead from one thing to another, huh? =)

You know, that next day, she told me that she too keep a secret diary which is shared among herself and her close friend. I was dumbfounded and even more when she told me I have actually seen the book before! It so does not look like a diary! =O So when I saw her this morning writing on it, I smiled. She smiled. We understood. =D It's really cool to know something which no one else knows! Hehehe! I'm sure she will agree when she reads this. =P

Anyway, today I had my oral exam today. English, to be exact. It went well. =) It was like having a tea with friends. Okay, that's a bit exaggerated, but it felt like a casual conversation. I was clearly nervous though. =S It was rather similar to my mock orals I had the other day. I think I owe that success to this blog! Seriously, I learned a lot from here on expressing myself better to people. I find it kind of enjoyable to say personal stuffs to strangers. It's like an amazing feeling! Really, I enjoyed it. The funny thing is that I was talking about this big dilemma which happened just recently when I got such a topic. It was very coincidental. I had no idea how such a confusing situation can serve as a base for my topic! Really! =P

The Malay orals, however, is a completely different story. The topics usually do not touch a personal level. And that is kind of disadvantageous to me, combined with the fact that I have yet to gain fluency in that language. This will come later anyway.

That morning during English, I cannot believe that I was commended on my Commonwealth essay. This is my first time to receive merit for my composition, and I'm terribly happy! I have always wished my Commonwealth essays were given some form of recognition and I finally got one. Yippee! =D Horray! Horray! *does a dance*

Biology today was a pretty sad period. Everyone have just gotten back their Paper 2s, and almost everyone wore a sad look. I wanted to claim half a mark actually due to marking errors but after combining my papers together, it doesn't make any difference to my average. Furthermore, it gives the impression to people that I'm a marks-eating monster who keeps on the lookout for marks. I feel really bad to claim more marks even when I'm the highest. I feel sorry for my friend above who got me the present as she hasn't done as well as she had thought. Furthermore, she has got gastric and I really don't want to further upset her. I shrugged it off since I feel bad whether or not I claim marks. I claimed later when I found out I could get an additional half a mark. This probably will influence my average, but I'm not bothered about recalculating it!

Sometimes, it's not easy to be the top in the class. People feel jealous. Okay, I admit, I feel jealous when my peers, especially my academic rivals, do better than me and I usually vow to get them back. However, my procrastinating habit sets me back and the vicious cycle of jealousy keeps on looping. =( Sometimes, I wish I could just accept the fact I'm never always the best. It would make my life easier a little bit.

During recess, while I was feasting on my beef rendang, something embarrassing happened! I was so freaked out by it. When I was pulling out my handkerchief from my pocket, a lip balm stick flew out and landed on the floor with a "Clink!", right in front of two Year 8 girls. My eyes widened in horror and my heart thumped really fast. I was silently cursing myself for being so careless and with my handkerchief, I quickly hid it and brought it into my pocket rather nonchalantly and continued reading the notice board. It was terribly embarrassing, whoever have heard of a guy carrying a lip stick in his pocket (that was the impression given! =( )? I need it because I have dry lips, but still. I bet they were gossiping next to me while I found a distraction. Why hadn't I go away? =O

Anyway, after school, before my orals, I hung out with a guy friend of mine. I enjoyed talking to him. When I saw him looking at the notice board at the foyer with bored look, I invited him to eat with me in class. So we did, and we were in class alone enjoying our food. I don't really remember what we talked about though. I just enjoyed the moment. You know, I really want to go out and have some fun with him. So I hinted (Lol!) that we eat at a local Japanese restaurant when we have our next orals, since school lets out early due to the Ramadhan fasting month for the Muslims. And he said he will think about it.

After that, we just wandered around the school courtyard since the library was closed. Then we met the examiners and I was kind of scared when I saw one of them was a native speaker. I was kind of afraid I wouldn't be able to understand what he says. I was acting strangely nervous when he spoke to me. Sheesh, the exam has not even started and I already gave a bad impression. =O

So anyway, after chilling out, we went up to the examination hall with the others. The exam started rather early, so before it started, my friend went to look for a toilet to gel his hair. I mean, is that necessary? =P Okay, so we found a small toilet in the top floor and we both went in and he gelled his hair.

"What am I rambling? Why are you telling me such a boring story about you and him?", you may ask. Guys, I know this sounds really, really strange. Should I really go on? I think I better continue the story. So we both went in, and he gelled his hair. My heart pounded as we went in and I began to ramble nonsense and ask stupid questions. Like "I don't know how to gel my hair. How do you gel yours?"

You may think I'm insane and crazy to suddenly be so unlike me. I don't know guys, but I think of this fellow in a ... different way. I don't know why I feel like this. Normally, when I hang out with a bunch of guys, I don't feel giddy and funny. Somehow, I was like that. I really don't know. I'm so confused. No, I don't want to be orientated differently from the rest. It's not doing me any good. I like girls, as you can see from my crushes.

I don't normally get nervous when I talk to him. Maybe a couple of times, I feel strange but it wasn't as bad as just now. It's just ... so wrong, I tell you! He's really ... I don't know. Just catches my fancy. I have no idea why either. It was a pretty awkward moment for me. Oh my gosh, I just don't know!

And he usually copies my homework too!

Am I confusing between friendship and romance? I think I am. Maybe I just want to know him better as a friend. Like be close, but not that close. Or maybe I just want something more than being just close friend, or even a best friend... Hmm...?

NO WAY!!!! =O

Whatever it is, I really hope this feeling will pass. And I have absolutely no intent in telling him this. There is no way I'm going to jeopardise our friendship just because of my confusion. I'll keep it to myself, and with you guys.

This is so confusing and illogical. I wish I could be just like an ordinary teenage boy at times. Sorry if that kind of thing turns you off.

By the way, I just want to apologise for not living up to the purpose of my blog recently. It's just that I'm tired and there really isn't much going on nowadays. Furthermore, I'll be too pooped from a long day at school. I really hope you guys understand. I'm really sorry...

[+] There's more!

For the second time, my work played second fiddle. It was replaced by someone else's work which, in my (biased) opinion, lacks the interest and creativity. I feel that this is unfair on my part. Here I am in the magazine committee contributing virtually nothing to the creation of a mini-magazine (not the prefects' magazine below) and my work goes unappreciated. How? By dragging it to the Recycle Bin icon and replaced with a "professional-looking" cover page.

I know my skills in Adobe Photoshop is not as good as the Prefect Head's skills, but I myself knew that mine wasn't on the border of terror either. We were staying back many days to rush through this magazine as it was to be sent to the printer the next day. With a blur leader heading the committee, I'm not surprised that the sudden urgency of finishing this magazine as the due date approaches suddenly surfaced. The committee members (with one absent) together with the Prefect Head (a.k.a. Boss) put their hands together and made the best effort in finishing the magazine on time.

I requested the Boss that I will do on the cover, and she nodded her head. My colleague and I then brainstormed for ideas (taking nearly an hour) before we got it. I was pleased that the outcome of the brainstorm was an ingenious and nifty-looking front cover, very sure that it would intrigue anyone holding the little magazine on his hand.

I thought the Boss would like it as I felt it was a unique idea. I know you guys are wondering why show it to her instead of the committee leader? He was blur and he did not know what was going on and apparently the Boss adopted the position of the committee leader during that dire situation. In other words, it was understood that the committee leader was "simply there to signify his presence" while all the real managing was done by the Boss. The thing I don't understand was why the leader wasn't lectured by her to get things running! (If I were in his position last year, boy, I would be fried instantly.)

So I explained the conception of the image to her. She nodded her head and moved on to the editor-cum-designer who she taught to use Adobe Illustrator (I don't know whether it was the appropriate program, but it did the trick) and gave in her general input and ideas on the overall magazine design.

She helped to do parts of the magazine while the editor and I were busy twiddling with our respective tasks. The other one went home while the lax leader was frolicking about. Anyway, after some time, after getting some input from the Boss and the other committee members, I finished designing the cover (I thought it looked interesting).

To my utter disbelief, she HATED it! Her stupid critic eye scanned fervently for mistakes in my art, i.e. it looked too "informal" for a magazine, inappropriate photos, bad layout etc. I was slightly peeved off by her critical remarks but I kept my cool as I knew I won't be doing any good. She then apologised and told me that she can't help but be a perfectionist when it comes to art and hence, the need to be critical, further hinting how much better she could do.

Goodness gracious! It's the last moment, sister! There's no more time to be a 'Little Miss Perfectionist'. Wasn't mine at least decent enough to pass off as a front cover for the mini magazine? At it was nearly time for me to go home, I told her that I could redo it and send the file via e-mail or Windows Live Messenger or something. She reminded me that the file would too big and there wouldn't be ample time to send over and her later editing it. I forgot to asked her that I could send the JPEG file but I don't think she'll like it. I even offered to do it myself at home and pass her the file tomorrow. She didn't want that.

I did not relent and asked her whether I can be of anymore assistance to her. I honestly disliked not contributing at least something to the magazine and my front cover wasn't a good enough guarantee as she might create a totally new cover and dispose of mine. She told me that I gave all the helped needed and requested me to go. After few more minutes of persuading for work (I think I was a fool to do that, I don't think anyone asks for that!), she told me to help unplug her pen drive from my workstation.

I took her reactions as her hint and begrudgingly, I left the dark computer laboratory, leaving her alone in her solitude and let the creative juice possess her entire body and create beautiful computer art that even Leonardo da Vinci bows down his head in shame! I'm so sorry, but I offered to redo my work if needed. She stingingly told me not to worry about anything and that she can do it herself. HERSELF! I'm not surprised if she stayed up until 2 a.m. just to finish doing my cover and the whole magazine. I thought she asked for it.

Coming from a pseudo-perfectionist, perfectionists like her drive people insane! I don't get why she could not accept the committee members' imperfect work and maybe help modify their work if she "cannot stand it". I mean, I sacrificed my time just to help create the magazine even though we were in the midst of tests. I sincerely contributed my full attention and interest to create that "crap" and this is what I get in return? Shoving all my work away to make way for the best work just because it's too imperfect? I even got the opinions from my fellow colleagues and they said it was alright (don't know whether it was a white lie or not).

The Boss is also my friend as well, and I know she did not mean to imply this, but she insulted my work in a way. I don't like people insulting my work when I take the trouble to ensure that it is of a good quality and dedicating my time into doing the tasks thoroughly. I don't mind constructive criticisms though, at least I know which areas need to be addressed and improved.

Her actions make it seem the whole magazine thing was a one-man show; she did mostly everything (besides the editor's work). And I feel that my colleagues, including the leader, do not deserve the credits at all, especially me since I did virtually nothing! My work appeared no where in the magazine.

In other words, my work goes unappreciated. I feel that my existence at that day was not needed. I could have stayed at home and do something relaxing or study Chemistry and increase my chances of getting better grades. Unfortunately, I have to do this redundant job!

I wish I could say this is my first time experiencing it, but this is not. In fact last year, the same thing happened. It's like deja vu all over again! Last year, the scenario was this: I procrastinated my presentation during an inter-school visit and in the end did an okay-ish presentation which is decent enough to be presented. Sadly, I was bombarded for doing it at the last minute and from the moment onwards, I hated my other Boss. The "replacement" presentation, on the other hand, was worse than mine! Ohhh! During the inter-school visit, I was anxious and scared to see the replacement, and when everything was over, I felt like punching the Boss's face! He wasted my effort and energy put into my better presentation.

This is so frustrating! I hate these sort of things to happen. Looking at the mini magazine I have on the table now, I am tempted to steal a lighter and burn into ashes, and pound and grind the ashes into bitsy dust which are then sent to the incinerator.

*sigh* Leaders... So hard to please. To make matters worse, some enslave their subjects and subject them under his tyrannical control, and some simply do all the work for their subjects whose existence may very well be eradicated.

P.S. Sorry for the sarcasms in this blog post.

Anyway, to go off topic, I won't be around this weekend as I have to cross the border for an excursion. I'll be back blogging on Monday or Tuesday. *grin*

[+] There's more!

Oh my goodness, I can't believe carelessness kills (or rather, embarrasses me!). What happened was that, I commented on this blog post on a particular person's blog who studies in my school and I gave a too honest comment which is very embarrassing. Due to that, I put down my name as Anonymous. I typed out my comment and I published it.

Little did I know I have forgotten to remove my other blog URL (which was saved by the cookie when I last commented with Haloscan on my friends' sites)... And I can't do anything about it because the comments were powered by HaloScan and there is no button at all to delete comments.

So great! I'm anonymous, but my anonymity will soon be unmasked anyway. The blogger can quickly deduce who I am quickly. Either that, or a "friend" who loves to insult me will point it out to the blogger. That's just great.

I am so worried that I'll be severely humiliated. =( I can't believe I even wanted to comment on the blog! I was supposed to be a lurker, not an active reader! Besides, I don't really like the blogger myself (I don't even know the blogger personally even though I see the blogger around) and in no way will I want to even get to know her (sorry!).

Why must I even say things in such a wrong way? When my comment becomes a sensation among my friends and students in the school, I am so never stepping into my school AGAIN! >=(

And that's just great because now I will have to worry about this instead of my Grade 7 music theory exam which is tomorrow (and of which I tried miserably to study thoroughly - I am worried how am I going to pass it)!

This is so not my day...

P.S. Sorry for decline in blogging activity. I try to blog as and when it is possible. *weak smile*

[+] There's more!