| From: | that frolicsome kid |
| To: | Whom this may concern |
| Date: | 14 March 2008, 22:11 |
| Subject: | I might as well be a woman! |
My friend cheerily invited me to join her and some friends for salsa class. I was like, wow, seriously? I love to try out salsa and it is also a good opportunity to try out something new and get out of my comfort zone. I was looking forward to a phone call from my mom (she's overseas for now) so that I could tell her all about the exciting news. And guess what? The mom I love(d) dampened my spirits. More than dampened. She insulted me and put me down by asking very rudely, "Why on earth are you pursuing a woman's hobby?"
I felt like I was slapped in the face. I defended myself by saying it will only be for six weeks, plus a few of my guy friends are joining as well, so I won't be the only miserable guy over there. She asked whether that is a ballroom dance or not. I agreed, and I was clinging on the hope that maybe she will let me join, because last time, our family loved to listening to karaoke romantic music and watching the couple ballroom dancing.
And she picked on my weak point and attacked my femininity/masculinity. She believes my masculinity will be jeopardized if I were to learn salsa. She strongly believes that men who dances are gay, i.e. implying that I am gay, and my guy friends who are joining salsa, gays. I flared up! It isn't justifiable! I wanted to shout at her and knock on her head for being really stupid. I mean, in the 21st century, gender stereotypes are falling already. And she believes men into dancing are gay? Oh, GET A GRIP, MOM! Haven't you heard of hip hop dancing (which my little brother wants to do)? Or maybe dancing in rave parties? That's not gay at all. People are having fun, and that's the important thing.
Why don't you want me to at least try out salsa and have fun, mom? Why are you so insecure about my, erm, "manliness" when I am perfectly fine with myself? Sure, I know I'm different from most guys, and I may be a bit feminine, but I can't change myself. It's who I am, and I'm perfectly comfortable with it. I just want to try it out and spend some time with friends, that is all! I have never done that before, and this is one of those opportunities which I can easily get. But thanks to you, it's now gone, and not only that, you've delivered a deadly blow to my self-esteem. Thanks so much!
What image of me you conjured in your mind, can you please destroy it? I'm sorry, I just cannot meet your "expectations" of me anymore! You cannot interfere with my life anymore. If I am not dependent on you financially, I will, and I so will, take life into my own hands and do whatever I want with it. That is what I am doing now, and the CAS element of IB is giving me THE perfect excuse to stretch myself and get out of my "bubble". I'm sick, and tired, of being the nerdy nerdy nerd! I want a life. I NEED A LIFE!
And I can't be bothered talking to you or my dad about anything else because you don't respect the activities which will define me. And you think by learning salsa, I turn gay. Sure, I'm glad you gave me the consent to stop piano classes. I'm happy for that. Nevertheless, you shouldn't control the activities I want to join and manipulate me like a puppet. Oh yes, you can join others but not salsa because it makes men like you gay, weak and pathetic. She even mentioned she is disgusted by men dancing like gays. Er, no! Not all dance like that. You should have been glad that I am not signing up for pole dancing! -.-"
First, you slashed out at me for joining cooking class because cooking is for girls. You could not bear the thought of me joining yoga class, because "for men, it is too soft a sport". You wanted to question me about taking care of Dane, my autistic child, but when you hear the word "autistic", you kept quiet because you thought I was contributing to society. I dare not mention taking care of toddlers as well, otherwise you'd think I am training for motherhood.
I wanted to learn cooking because I want to be self-sufficient when I am in university, and maybe save you some money! I want to learn yoga because yoga is as close as getting flexible as gymnastics, and my country does not have any public gymnastics class. I want to take care of children because my friends suggested me to, and I want to interact with young people and learn to connect with them.
I do these things to benefit myself and be a balanced person with a life, not to prepare myself for a sex change. Do you get that? DO YOU GET THAT?
No wonder I don't tell my parents things. I'm glad for that. It saves me a lot of embarrassment, and wear and tear. Go figure!
/ (
Comments (47):
Date:15/3/08 14:53
I don't consult with my husband or my parents about various things - because they're reknowned for what i call, "dreamstopping". I reserve sharing my "excited stuff" with my friends who are supportive about those things instead, whilst I relate to hubby & parents with other things. Sometimes, you need to be more selective about who you choose to share parts of your heart with ;)
A man who cooks - and is great with children...
Like, gee - women fall for qualities like that in a man all the time.
Date:16/3/08 20:11
I started Spanish classes at my university, and our professor invited us to a restaurant in the city that turned into a type of dance club for the Hispanic community once every two weeks. The young people there were from all sorts of different countries, danced salsa, and it was amazing. Me and some friends found some guys who were there to teach us, and it was so much fun! If you have the opportunity to learn to salsa, take advantage of it! Especially if you're going to be with friends, it's a wonderful experience.
I try not to let my family interfere with what I want to do. Sometimes this means not telling them the whole truth, but you have one life to live, and it's yours. Stand up, and do what YOU want to do.
PS - I'm not getting married to a guy who doesn't know how to cook.
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You are quite a writer
An unusual teenager
Not stupid like the others!
Date:6/5/09 15:33
For what its worth, you can know that many of the best chefs are men, and cooking is an art. My nephew cooks great Indian and Thai food...he is very popular because of it (have to admit, if I hear he's cooking I'm round like a shot!) Cooking should be a skill for both men and women...its unhealthy to have to rely on someone else to do this for you...takes away your independence. Besides, I agree with the other commenters...it is a very attractive trait in a man to be able to cook!
And Salsa? It takes two to dance this way...men and women together...to make the perfect dance partnerships, and create that atmosphere of feeling. Most dances require both men and women. If it were all women, then it would look gay!! :-)
Follow your dreams, FK, not your parents'...
(Hello again!)
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