Hi guys! Sorry if I didn't manage to blog about something interesting right after my previous post as school has pretty much "taken over" my entire life. =P Suddenly, after our long, uneventful vacation, homeworks were dished out to each of us students. Plus, there are upcoming important events (at least to me) very soon next month and I am rather unprepared to deal with them. =S

This was supposed to be written in my previous post, but I was feeling rather groggy and tired due to lack of sleep (despite lasting for 7 hours - quite a long time for many people). *sigh* In fact, I wasn't feeling too good yesterday. My orientation was blurry and I couldn't think straight. Thankfully I'm alright now and in top shape again. =D

There must be a reason for me to blog, right? Otherwise, I couldn't simply just weave my blog posts out from nothing. That would be too weird! =P

I remember while I was a kid, I used to keep several diaries. I remember keeping a diary chronicling my daily school life, which I showed to my parents and they raised their eyebrows, asking why am I showing my diary to them when it was meant to be private. Not surprisingly, that diary of mine never lasted long. =P So do all of them.

Blogging completely replaced keeping a physical diary. I discovered it after my friend had introduced to me his personal blog, and I was hooked. This meant not only can I write about my personal life and being able to share them with all of my friends, but this also means that I finally had the chance to put my basic HTML knowledge to the test. It was incredibly exciting and from then on, I became a regular blogger.

This aforementioned blog of mine still exists today somewhere in the blogosphere. Unfortunately, my blogging activities over there has dwindled in frequency because I ran out of topics to blog about. Sure, blogging about what goes on everyday in my life is fun (up to a certain point), but it's redundant and most of the time, it's the same routine anyway. No one likes to read the same things, and I don't want to put in the effort to tell the same story in different ways. I got bored of it and decided to venture into something deeper - discovering myself via blogging (and at the same time, to improve my writing skills). Speaking of writing skills, I remember mine wasn't this good. I remember vaguely last year that I was blogging about something simple and short and I honestly don't know why but somehow, my words just "click" together and I was actually using a higher form of English. I then realised that I can write! I kept blogging, and that's it - my way of self-expression via writing and blogging has changed for the better forever. =) I can't believe blogging in itself has became a big turning point in my life.

There are many instances when I wanted to spill out my thoughts into my other blog but that wasn't possible because my friends are reading it and when I ventured into Year 10, I made many friends and although I am like a monster saying this, but I couldn't trust them with my innermost thoughts. I was thinking, maybe I should but then I decided against it, believing that it's not wise to do so.

That's the very reason why this blog was conceived - as a place for me to quickly type out whatever worries, problems, frustrations and thoughts that haunt a corner of my brain which can quickly take over me. It felt good to even ramble into space. It's like putting them into a trash bag and send to the incinerator to be burned and forgotten. I must say, it's very liberating.

Another reason why I blog is also so that I can know the severity of my more "serious" problems. Do you guys know I have no idea how less severe my problems seem to be once I reread them again later? I realised that most of them are as a result of my hyperactive brain and I have this tendency to over-exaggerate even the most menial problems. Thank you to all who commented to help make my problem seem small and solvable, I truly appreciate it and it made me relaxed more, now that I can see my problem from a different angle, i.e. your perspective.

I also think more of my heart than my head, and that presents a really bad problem to me. Sometimes, when I ramble, I find that I'm not even thinking at all, just lashing out my emotions and thoughts into a blog post. (That's why some are pretty angsty. =P) It's always much, much later that I only made use of my logic centre up there to come up with solutions and to calm myself down. It's really funny at times. =P

What makes blogging so liberating for me is my anonymity. I guess a lot of people who stumble into this little haven of mine have often wondered who is that guy behind that cartoon portrait? Not disclosing his name is perfectly fine, but not even his location? The reason why I do not disclose anything besides my age is because I want to have the complete freedom to write whatever I want. Freedom of self-expression is what I really want because I am conformed by pressures of society to be someone normal - someone who doesn't share his own, personal thoughts with everyone he is acquainted with. Besides, I'm weird myself already. I don't think they are ready for more of my private and even weirder thoughts. =P

Besides, I don't really like sharing my thoughts with people. Sometimes, secrets are best kept to one self. I am also making myself vulnerable. People will take advantage of me and many a times, I find it rather difficult to fend it off. I'm not strong enough, both physically and mentally.

That itself, however, presents another problem of mine. I want to at least tell someone what I am going through now. I have no idea why I have such a funny need to do so. But yeah, I just want to share my life with someone. People have called me private, but I long to tell them all that has happened to me. It's just that I don't trust them enough and worse: I am fearful of divulging them me.

By putting my name and my location and horrors of all horrors, my picture (!), I am severely limited to what I can write as people who know me personally would expect certain things from me and not to expect weird, yet "wonderful" things about me. And wouldn't this ruin the whole point of keeping a secret blog as well (remember Google ;) )? Things I hide from loved ones disclosed here to total strangers who know nothing about you. The only way they can get to know the real you is via blog posts, of course. ;)

That is the real beauty of blogging. =) You can always do that in real life, but unfortunately, certain circumstances prevent one from doing so.

I just want to tell you guys that in this blog, I'm not a person.

I'm a soul stripped off its body and flesh, and bones...

Am I jeopardising my vulnerability? Very. I know that itself is a paradox. But then, I just want to show my true self to the world, something that I don't always do in real life. Besides, my anonymity is my protection. =P

I honestly have no idea this blog and I could evolve and mature so much within the time span of half a year! I was happy that I got to know a few people via comments and who now have became my very good buddies. Each of them offered many different good advices and opinions and I appreciate ALL of them. =)

Never in my whole life did I expect this blog to win the Bestest Blog of The Day awards the other day. I was, and still am, OVERJOYED! =D Yaaaay!!! Thank you to everyone who came here to read my blog posts, from the humble beginnings of this blog to its present day state. =) I certainly enjoy blogging about my life, and I hope you guys enjoy reading it as well. =)

P.S. The portrait below was done by my little brother using Adobe Photoshop Elements 2.0 and a graphics tablet in one of his Art classes. Doesn't it look nice (albeit grotesque in a really cool way? ;) )?


© that frolicsome kid's little brother, 2007 - 3007 (lol!). Click on picture to view full-size.