I'm sick and tired of school. Lately, many of my friends noticed that I have been moody these past few days. I think fatigue and boredom caused it. In other words, the reluctance to pick up my books and study made me worry about how am I supposed to pass my exams with flying colours. It's nearing the middle of the year, and you know what that means. Mid-Year Examinations are just around the corner and it's that period of the year where many dread and wish they never existed.

In Science class, Mr. Z. told us about an experiment where they got this rat or mouse, and they put this rat or mouse on one side of a cage. On the other side of the cage, they put a little piece of food. And this rat or mouse would walk over to the food and eat. Then, they put the rat or mouse back on its original position, and this time, they put electricity all through the floor where the rat or mouse would have to walk to get the piece of food. They did this for a while, and the rat or mouse stopped going to get the food at a certain amount of voltage. Then, they repeated the experiment, but they replaced the food with something that gave the rat or mouse intense pleasure, but I am guessing it is some kind of rat or mouse nip. ...the rat or mouse would put up with a lot more voltage for the pleasure. Even more than for the food. [...]

The Perks of Being a Wallflower, by Stephen Chbosky.

Never in my life have I quoted something direct from a book I have read. Well, let's make this a first. =) It's time to put my reading comprehension to the test; inferring meanings from a passage! =P

What got me thinking was that the mouse was willing to suffer some pain in order to get the food and chomp down his reward. When the obstacle (the increased voltage) got tougher to the extent that it wasn't worth suffering to achieve the same goal, the mouse did not bother getting it after it realised how much more painful it was to step on the high voltage. The food was replaced with something that pleasures the mouse once ingested and look what happened to the mouse! It simply did not care how painful the high-voltage floor was because it knew that it would receive pleasure at the end of the painstaking journey which far compensates the pain.

One thing stands clear in this short passage - the mouse had goals. No, not complicated goals like becoming a SuperMouse or something impossible. It's a simple one, and it was willing to get out of its comfort zone, challenged itself to overcome the obstacles along the way and reaped its well-deserved rewards at the end of it. Simply put: cry first, rejoice later.

Are my goals set above my expectations? Are the obstacles I encounter while studying way out of my league? Or maybe my goals simply do not exist at all. I think that is my main problem. I tried, with limited success, the past few days trying to get my head into studying but my concentration just has to waver after a short few minutes of "intense studying", which shouldn't be called intense. I seem to be so distracted everytime when I study. I think of going online, I think of the immense amounts of homework the teachers suddenly decided to dump onto us, I think of the Macromedia Flash project competition I should try and complete and I think about the competitions I got myself involved in.

Oddly enough, the goals meme I did for myself the other day did not seem to help. In fact, I forgot about it. =( Shouldn't I be more focused on my studies since I have had already predefined my goals?

I am not serious enough. I am not willing to compromise the comforts I am enjoying now for the sake of my studies. I did not prioritise my studies. What's wrong with me? Why have I suddenly take my education lightly? It's not supposed to happen. I am supposed to study and obtain the best possible marks in exam.

No, my parents are in no way pressuring me to get good marks for *cough* them *cough*, in case you are wondering. I consider myself lucky for having such good parents. I'm doing this for my own sake. I won't do this for anyone, except for myself.

Lately, I have begun questioning my study techniques. I know it is such a bad time to question it, but I cannot help but wonder if they are going to help me in the long run.

I "study" by typing out notes for most of my subjects. I try to type out nearly all the chapters. I begin by reading through the textbook and learn the facts which I should know but wasn't covered or little emphasised in class. Once I can make heads and tails of what I have read, I open up my notebook and textbook plus supplements and I begin condensing or "summarising" the information in them into point forms. I try as much as possible not to leave out any information, no matter how minor they seem to be.


These are the notes I created from the chapter of the Urinary System.

Yes, I don't do my notes the way how my study guidebooks recommend. Instead of closing my book and trying to recall by writing down what I have learned, I open my books and copy the important points, trying to put them into my own words as much as possible. I don't pick out some important points and summarise them in as little words as possible. I take the whole big junk of information and just type them out. This makes the last-minute revisions difficult as I have to spend quite a long time trying to leaf through everything and ensuring that in that as short span of time, information can actually seep through my impermeable brain.

No, I don't read my notes until the day before or a couple of days if the subject content is really broad. And I wonder, is it worth spending my time making notes like that, and not reading them consistently?

It is my fault that I make my notes at the last minute (again!). I procrastinated because it's a very time-consuming process, and I loathe time-consuming jobs. So, I just leave everything to the last minute, and then worry about getting it done on time (forget about revising - making notes is a revision in itself, I think).

My situation currently is exactly like the mouse: Big obstacles, same goals but maybe the rewards are greater. Or it makes no difference at all. I totally have no idea. I am very hesitant to improvise my study methods, because I feel that it's a good way of revising. Well, I am speaking from a rather biased point of view, since I never really try out other methods.

Maybe I could join my legions of friends and just read from the textbook but I myself know how much I hate doing it, plus textbooks are infamous for containing large blocks of redundant paragraphs! Hey, 400 pages is no joke. I nearly fainted when katelyn sent me extracts from her piloted Chemistry textbook (thanks again!). Upon further inquiry, I discovered her textbook is twice as thick as mine.

That puts me off. I dislike reading thick books, rather surprising for an avid reader like me. That's why I avoid reading Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. =\ Their thickness just makes me want to wander to the Children Book's section!

The amount of content I have to study for the upcoming Mid-Year Examinations begins from last year until wherever we have covered so far this year. That is like three-quarters of the textbooks! =( The subjects I fear most are Biology, Geography, Computer Studies, Chemistry, Physics... Oh, make them all! =O

I haven't been getting my minimum 8 hours of sleep too nowadays and as a result, I have been getting very cranky. I snapped at my parents and my brother. I wore a gloomy face from the time I woke up to about the second period in school. It was that bad. Today was especially bad. I sulked and snapped at both my parents. I cringed at the noises at home. I'm at a very fragile state now, I could blow up anytime soon.

And what did I study for today (or rather, written notes on)? Enthalpy change. So much for progress for the day. *heaves a heavy sigh*

I don't know what to do with myself. I need to pick myself up by committing myself to my studies. So far, I've seen myself dedicating none of my drop of sweat on my studies. I can't believe there are so many distractions around me, particularly the Internet!

You know guys, for every minute of studying, there will be half an hour of relaxing. I feel so "wasted". *ugh* It's that bad! I catch myself taking opportunities to watch TV, eat as long as I can, use the PC as long as possible - just to escape studying. I know they are temporary measures, that is why I keep taking them. =(

In Geography, we have a vicious cycle of poverty. In me, there is the vicious cycle of procrastinating. In both cases, the victims are the losers, because of "uncontrollable factors".

Have I ever posted such blog posts before? I think I did. Either that, or I have thought of these ever since a long time ago.

I want good results. I want to excel in school. I don't want my tardiness and procrastination habits to drag me down. I believe I have got the potential.

I have set the mood to study. Sadly, I lack the attitude.

I wish I could turn back the clock and begin a fresh start and outlook towards revision. I wish God could grant me 30 hours in a day and bless me with the ability to not sleep, so that I can fully make use of my day. If that happens, would I still stick to my old ways, thinking that, "Oh! It's still a long time before exams loom!"?

I need to be pinpointed my mistakes. I don't know where I have gone wrong. I never feel so wrecked in my life. =(