14 April 2007

From:that frolicsome kid
To:Whom this may concern
Date:14 April 2007, 22:12
Subject: Argghh! No scholarship?  

Wait! Please, I want to submit the scholarship form!For those who happen to read the previous version of this blog post, I shouldn't have blogged about it so vaguely. I was so worried and overcame with fear by the problem I was facing, and I couldn't put my messy and disorientated thoughts into words. It always happens when I get worried. It took me a while to snap myself back to reality. =(

I would like to retell the last moments of completing the application form for the ASEAN scholarship before mailing it to the Ministry of Education in Singapore. I nearly jeopardised my own future by procrastinating "filling up" the application form, (I cannot believe I procrastinated) and I was rushing to complete everything by today. By hook or by crook I did! Despite a "happy ending", I'm not proud of myself. I hated myself for procrastinating such crucial tasks that makes my future. I nearly break my future. I'm so mad with myself.

I should have written down the CCAs and competitions that I participated in during 2004 - 2006 and handed it to my form teacher who will write a testimony for me (which is required to be attached to the scholarship form) on Thursday. No, I have to surrender to laziness and reluctance in doing it on the same school day as I thought, "Nothing could ever go wrong on Friday - I can pass it to her tomorrow and presto! A testimony on Saturday! Then I can mail it!". =D It sounded like a good plan to me.

So after trying hard to jumpstart my brain and prompt for memories, I finally finished the whole list and I planned to pass it to her at the end of her lesson. The bell rang and off she went in a rush to the staff room and to her car. I tried finding her but I lost her until I realised she must be heading to her car! =O So off I went while I alerted my fellow prefect to stop her car! She wasn't able to, unfortunately.

I quickly ran down and ran with all my might, trying to chase her car when I realised I wasn't a cheetah. I couldn't do anything except to watch helplessly at the disappearing white car. I was panicking by then. My plan "failed" and I hate it when things don't go to my plan! I resorted to asking my form teacher's phone number from a friend.

To cut a long story short, I finally contacted her at around 5 p.m. and she asked me where is my CCAs list. So I explained from A to Z. *phew* Thank goodness she roughly knew what was happening, so she asked me to pass her the list the next morning. At that time, I was worried. What if I wasn't able to finish everything up on time? I didn't want to worry myself on what will happen the next day, so I forgot about it until the next morning.

I passed the list to her and she wrote quite a nice testimonial of my involvement in CCAs. I then got permission from her to use the computer laboratory and type out everything since she was a slow typist herself (she admitted it to my class =P ). I spent roughly 45 minutes to finish everything and let the relevant authorities to sign my CCAs testimonial. Once all was done, I went back to my class, exhausted but gleeful that I could finish it on time (or so I thought)!

Another drama unraveled when I was on my way back home. My mom told me that the courier services are closed on Saturday afternoons. Worries began to haunt my thoughts. How? I was exasperated and acted like a loony out of desperation. I asked my mom whether she could make phone calls to the courier services and enquire for their business hours.

I showered peacefully for 10 minutes assuming that one of the companies are still operating. After stepping out of shower, I was told that UPS will close at 2 p.m. sharp and I had little than 15 minutes to complete everything and to allow ample driving time. I flustered (and how I wished I didn't - adrenaline was already pumping throughout my body!) and quickly retrieved the application form and the CCAs testimonials and quickly enter the more important CCAs into the 'Co-Curricular Activites' field. I did not realised I took part in so many competitions and activites - I was mostly involved with Malay, Computer and English competitions as well as UNSW ICAS competitions. I had no idea how I am going to fit all that in to 10 rows. I had to omit some as there wasn't much choice. There was no time to print out extra rows. I had to even merge some recurrent activities together into one field and wrote a few years under the Year field. =S

I seriously hope I had not done anything wrong. I hope they will overlook the mistakes I made in some records of the 'Level of Participation' field plus the activities weren't "really sorted" in chronological order since I took part in quite a number of activities in successive years. =S

Besides that, I failed to comply an instruction as there wasn't enough time to do that. I will not say which instruction in case the relevant parties stumble into this blog! =O I really hope I will still be considered for the scholarship despite the flaws I made. I should not have done everything at the last minute. I have not even checked whether I filled up all fields or not! *gives an aghast look*

Oh my goodness. I seriously am in big trouble. I honestly do not intend to waste anyone's time (i.e. the teachers) for writing my testimonials due to my procrastination. =( My habit got a little bit too far this time. I nearly cried just now as I was quite certain this scholarship will not be secured since it was nearly 2 p.m. when my mom left to mail the form via UPS which closes at that time.

My mom told me that she had to argue with a UPS employee as there was no flight to Singapore until Tuesday. So that means my application form will fail to reach the Singaporean Ministry of Education on time, and I'll be so doomed! Instant rejection, I can already imagine! =(

Thankfully, my mom was given DHL's telephone number and thank God, the last delivery to the airport was at 3.30 p.m. =D. She quickly filled everything up and the delivery was done by DHL, even though this means my mom has to fork out US$16.00 to pay the delivery charges. I'm rather embarrassed to say this, but money wasn't the issue at the moment, as long as it reaches Singapore safe and sound by Monday, 16th of April 2007!

Shipping Tracking

So far so good, but I pray hard that it will reach there on time. It's been a while since I last prayed... =\

Never again will I ever take deadlines for granted, thinking that "Oh, it can be postponed!". Maybe my school teachers will allow that, but I don't think serious business like this do entertain that. That is why deadlines were established in the first place! I am ashamed of my actions. It brought me considerable trouble, not only to me, but to my mom and teachers.

What more, procrastination nearly ruined my future! =O

What's the story behind the procrastination that sparked this drama I hate to experience again?

My reason sounds rather embarrassing and very illogical. =( I was simply perplexed with the whole CCAs testimonial process. I wasn't quite sure who to turn to, who to ask. In fact, I hate asking these sort of questions. I find it really awkward. To tell you the truth, I strive to not let anyone know that I'm applying for this scholarship, but of course that's kind of impossible.

There are reasons for keeping that as a secret. One is due to my pseudo-kiasuism nature (I do not want people, especially my rivals, to apply for this too once they know I'm applying and make the competition stiff *sigh*) and another reason is because I dislike people questioning why or to know about this. I don't know, I feel really uncomfortable if people know that. I prefer doing things quietly and letting them know when the time is right, whenever it is. At least I can retreat silently if I fail to get it.

They're mostly personal, and maybe a deep-rooted yet non-existent reasons cultivated in my character which drives me to keep my mouth shut and say "Mom's the word". I tried to force myself to tell the relevant parties about it but I just don't know whom to approach. It wasn't until I read Mona Lisa's blog where she stated that she is going to apply for the scholarship as well (Yay?). So I e-mailed her and she replied that I have to get the teachers to write it for me. I'm quite surprised why my school does not keep records like these for the students. Maybe they do, but it's out of the student's limits...

After MUCH hesitation (my heartbeat rate increases when I try to approach my form teacher to ask about this matter, so I never asked =( ), I finally asked my form teacher (well, the deadline was looming closer!) where to obtain it and she said that she has to write it. Everything pretty much went downhill from there.

I know my fears are irrational. Even I myself don't understand what and why I'm worried. If it weren't for them, I would have handed up the application form eons ago!

All in all, I'm glad that everything somehow turned up alright but I know that is no cause for celebration. My application form has to pass the "panel of judges". If it can't, well, that's it. Sayonara to education in Singapore. I guess I can understand why since at the end of the day, it was all my fault for messing things up. *choke* I don't want it to happen, even though I will know it was my procrastination and fear which leads me to my failure. I really did not have to courage to speak out my desires. Maybe due to potential embarrassment, maybe due to fear, maybe I disliked troubling people... =(

I wonder in amazement how I still "did not really learn the lesson" after countless cases of troubles procrastination has led me to. Am I waiting for my procrastination to bring catastrophe into my life and add the prefix in- to my sanity?

Despite all these, I want to be given a chance to go to Singapore to be educated and receive valuable experiences. I hope... I pray... Amen.

Comments (26):

praying 4 u!

Very interesting blog. Kiss kiss

Thank you uncommonly u! =) *hugs*

Thanks la cuoca! Hehehe... *blush*


This may sound familiar, but I'm serious. Just relax, and get some chocolate. And did you get my email?


Hey u! I'm sending good energy into the universe for you! :)

After a good night's sleep, I feel so much better now, katelyn! =D I would like to put this thought aside for a while and address the schoolwork which needs to be done by Monday. *sigh*

I would love to eat chocolate, but lately, I have a chocolate overload. Hehehe! =P

By the way, I have already gotten your e-mail. Thank you so much for taking your time! =D *hugs* I'm going to spend time later today leafing through the pages and understand everything. ;)

Hey whenn! I hope the move goes well for you. =) And thanks for the good astral energy, lol! =)

I hope it helps :)

And I know exactly what you're going through. In November, I heard about a Canadian Millennium Scholarship that, if I won, would guarantee me enough money to go where I want for university. The deadline was December 15th, and I waited until December 14th to finish it.

Fortunately, I received an email saying that it would still be under consideration, because of the postmark date (whew!).

I'm sure things will work out! And I understand the kiasuism. I NEVER tell people when I'm applying for scholarships...;)

good luck!

I do hope that they got your application on time!

Hey katelyn! It helps tremendously! Thanks a lot! =D

Hahahaha, it's cool that your application for that scholarship is under consideration. So, are there any news of it yet? ;)

Hey, I thought I was the only one who never tells people about applying for scholarships! =P

Thanks TopChamp! =)

Hey terra shield! Yes, the application was received on the day of the deadline itself at around 11 a.m.! =D I'm so happy. I love DHL! =D

Now for the waiting part... Oh boy! =S

by A passer by...
Date:18/4/07 20:59  

Just relax.. what happened..happened/happens :) its just a human thing... Will pray all goes well for you..tc

This comment has been removed by the author.

Worry, worry, worry!

Stop, Fk!! You've done your bit now. Some people will spend their whole lives doing things 'last minute'... that's how they work best. Whether they like to or not. Others work steadily, but surely. You happen to be one of the former, I think, but that method is just as viable as the latter! Perhaps you need that adrenaline to overcome other, deeper fears... whatever! You did it!

I have a theory about your procrastination and your secretiveness.... :-D

I have my fingers crossed for you (it makes it very difficult to type, I can tell you!! :-) ) - Good luck with your application. Forget about it for now, and concentrate on your coursework!!!

by Anonymous
Date:19/4/07 14:18  

ONE OF THE CAUSES of procrastination is in brain chemistry and geography.

Most forms of Attention Deficit Disorder involve procrastination.

It seems that there is a part of the brain that issues a signal to make you pay attention, do your homework, be on time, etc.

However, in some of us ADDer's, those signals sometimes don't get through, so we can easily miss deadlines.

Successful ADDer's use many external devices to help them avoid procrastination and lateness.

It sounds silly, but some of us are surrounded by alarm clocks, notes to self, and friends who understand our condition. Friends will coach you, bug you, nag you and hold your hand until you do your work. That's what friends are for.

Good luck.

Hello passer by! I'm not too worried about that anymore since it reached their hands on time! *phew* If my application did not pass though, I will accept it and know why. *weak smile*

Hey annelisa! I cannot help but worry and think of the many possibilities that could go wrong at that urgent time! =O Hahaha, I'm okay now. =)

I think I'm one of those people who thrives on last minute work. I do that almost everytime and I dislike doing so...it wrecks my sanity and I will start to whir up many, many pessimistic thoughts. =( I need to try and do things earlier.

Yes! I noticed I thrive on adrenaline! =O It's really weird, but it's true! *snicker* A bad habit I need to break.

I love to hear the theory you have came up with! =D Maybe it will help me understand myself more! Lol!

Thanks for the luck. Yep, I am channeling my energy into school now - until I receive THE letter. ;)

Hey anonymous! I don't think I suffer from ADD. What you say made some sense though, despite their relevance to that disorder. =S

Yep, I do make notes and ask friends to remind me, or rather, make me do things that is of utmost importance. Don't everyone do that? =S

Thanks for the luck. =D

You ramble so well, great post! =D

Have you got a plan B (or C) in the event of not gaining the scholarship?

If i'm facing some kind of "live or die" situation like this, where the outcome of not gaining it is bound to dissapoint & depress me a lot - I've found it really useful to spend some time on reviewing what I can do in the event of a worst case scenario. Something else softer to fall on in the event of things not panning out ;)

Like, I met soooooooooooo many Singaporeans coming to study at uni in Australia... ;D

Yes, Racquel, I definitely have got a back-up plan in case it fails! =P In that case, I will continue my studies at a local sixth form school instead. Since I'm a local, I think my education fees will come in cheap (or free! Not too sure about it). So you can say either way, they sound like really good plans! =D

I'm not surprised. My brother studied there too. He's even working there now! =P I've seen a lot of Asians over in Melbourne, and I was shocked because I underestimated the number of immigrants living there. =O

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