My friend cheerily invited me to join her and some friends for salsa class. I was like, wow, seriously? I love to try out salsa and it is also a good opportunity to try out something new and get out of my comfort zone. I was looking forward to a phone call from my mom (she's overseas for now) so that I could tell her all about the exciting news. And guess what? The mom I love(d) dampened my spirits. More than dampened. She insulted me and put me down by asking very rudely, "Why on earth are you pursuing a woman's hobby?"

I felt like I was slapped in the face. I defended myself by saying it will only be for six weeks, plus a few of my guy friends are joining as well, so I won't be the only miserable guy over there. She asked whether that is a ballroom dance or not. I agreed, and I was clinging on the hope that maybe she will let me join, because last time, our family loved to listening to karaoke romantic music and watching the couple ballroom dancing.

And she picked on my weak point and attacked my femininity/masculinity. She believes my masculinity will be jeopardized if I were to learn salsa. She strongly believes that men who dances are gay, i.e. implying that I am gay, and my guy friends who are joining salsa, gays. I flared up! It isn't justifiable! I wanted to shout at her and knock on her head for being really stupid. I mean, in the 21st century, gender stereotypes are falling already. And she believes men into dancing are gay? Oh, GET A GRIP, MOM! Haven't you heard of hip hop dancing (which my little brother wants to do)? Or maybe dancing in rave parties? That's not gay at all. People are having fun, and that's the important thing.

Why don't you want me to at least try out salsa and have fun, mom? Why are you so insecure about my, erm, "manliness" when I am perfectly fine with myself? Sure, I know I'm different from most guys, and I may be a bit feminine, but I can't change myself. It's who I am, and I'm perfectly comfortable with it. I just want to try it out and spend some time with friends, that is all! I have never done that before, and this is one of those opportunities which I can easily get. But thanks to you, it's now gone, and not only that, you've delivered a deadly blow to my self-esteem. Thanks so much!

What image of me you conjured in your mind, can you please destroy it? I'm sorry, I just cannot meet your "expectations" of me anymore! You cannot interfere with my life anymore. If I am not dependent on you financially, I will, and I so will, take life into my own hands and do whatever I want with it. That is what I am doing now, and the CAS element of IB is giving me THE perfect excuse to stretch myself and get out of my "bubble". I'm sick, and tired, of being the nerdy nerdy nerd! I want a life. I NEED A LIFE!

And I can't be bothered talking to you or my dad about anything else because you don't respect the activities which will define me. And you think by learning salsa, I turn gay. Sure, I'm glad you gave me the consent to stop piano classes. I'm happy for that. Nevertheless, you shouldn't control the activities I want to join and manipulate me like a puppet. Oh yes, you can join others but not salsa because it makes men like you gay, weak and pathetic. She even mentioned she is disgusted by men dancing like gays. Er, no! Not all dance like that. You should have been glad that I am not signing up for pole dancing! -.-"

First, you slashed out at me for joining cooking class because cooking is for girls. You could not bear the thought of me joining yoga class, because "for men, it is too soft a sport". You wanted to question me about taking care of Dane, my autistic child, but when you hear the word "autistic", you kept quiet because you thought I was contributing to society. I dare not mention taking care of toddlers as well, otherwise you'd think I am training for motherhood.

I wanted to learn cooking because I want to be self-sufficient when I am in university, and maybe save you some money! I want to learn yoga because yoga is as close as getting flexible as gymnastics, and my country does not have any public gymnastics class. I want to take care of children because my friends suggested me to, and I want to interact with young people and learn to connect with them.

I do these things to benefit myself and be a balanced person with a life, not to prepare myself for a sex change. Do you get that? DO YOU GET THAT?

No wonder I don't tell my parents things. I'm glad for that. It saves me a lot of embarrassment, and wear and tear. Go figure!

[+] There's more!

I feel like I'm the luckiest man alive. I told my crush about my problems with my piano right now, and well, we just shared our piano horror stories and she told me why she is still doing it for the IB. She listened to my problems (and lame whines) attentively and she advised me on how to approach my piano teacher and tell her that I simply can do piano, at least for the time being. I'm just too overwhelmed by the sheer difficulty of Grade 8.

From there, I confessed to her my other "hidden" talents and skills (I don't usually tell people these, because I don't want them to expect too much from me). She told me hers as well, as well as a secret of hers - she suffered from depression and bipolar disorder. I was really shocked to hear that, because I always known her as Miss Smiley. Just right then, I want to hug her and comfort her, for being strong in going through such a difficult period.

We had a heart-to-heart conversation which I never have with anyone at all, except Princess Warrior. =P Seriously, I opened a bit of my inner self to her, and she did the same as well. And I realised, this is what real, close friends do. Not ask about shallow things like "How are you?" and that's it, or selfishly keeping secrets to yourself.

In a rare time like this, I feel liberated.

[+] There's more!

I'm going nowhere in Grade 8. My confidence in piano is non-existent. My self-esteem in music playing hits an all-time low. I can't even be bothered to practice anymore. I forgot most of my theory in music and thus, I doubt I can even pass Grade 8 Theory if I were to sit for it this November.

My piano teacher is so going to be torn into pieces if she were to know I want to give piano a break. She will be extremely disappointed and disgusted by my "rash decisions", and it will all be my fault.

The manuscripts of the exam pieces freak me out. Huge chords scare me. Sight-reading is extremely intimidating. There are too many black dots, too few rests and white space. I don't think I can handle Grade 8 anymore. I can't even satisfy the minimum requirements anymore.

I don't want to make music (as in instruments) a part of my life anymore. I want to lose that identity because it's no longer me. It feels like a foreign debris lodged into my soul. And the worse thing is I'm so "far" into music now, I am "not expected" to stop, and let everything go to waste.

I'm so sorry. =( I wished I could be better, but I'm not acting on my words. It just isn't my interest anymore. And I don't know how to put this forward to her, who has selflessly imparted to me musical skills for about a decade. I'm sorry, I really am. I don't want to hurt her feelings. And I don't know what to do now... I just can't go for piano lessons anymore.

[+] There's more!

So much things have happened over these past few days. On Monday, my mom and that hypocritical "bossy" friend have annoyed me to a point of no return, and my mood was extremely foul for that entire day. It was one of the worst days of my life.

Anyway, on a happier note, the CAS element of IB has given me a wonderful insight into children. Although I would have been exhausted after a really long day of school, I enjoyed playing with them! Seriously, they are so awesome. I'm quite proud of myself for being involved in their lives and enriching their childhood, especially the autistic kid I'm taking care of. Let's call him Dane. Last Friday, when Dane was going home, her mother confided with me about Dane's sad situation in his school.

As Dane's friend, I noticed that unlike other kids, he is extremely smart and he sees the world in an entirely different perspective compared to other kids. He is naturally inquisitive, and very chatty! =D It wasn't until my crush asked me whether he was a prodigy when his mother told me about Dane's high intelligence. I reflected on her words and realised that he could be one. However, his enthusiasm for knowledge scares off other kids his age, and his mom told me he was always bullied in school.

I flashed back and remembered the time when Dane told me he was bullied in his school. I didn't think too much about it (stupid me!) because I thought maybe his friends were just having a day of fun. I was a bit concerned, but I didn't raise that concern to his mom. Oh man, I am mad with myself for keeping quiet! >.<

Anyway, his mom on Friday confirmed that it is a recurring problem. Dane has no real friends in school at all, and I thought, how can children be so cruel to someone who is different? =( He did have a friend once, but he has since moved to our school. So his mom began to thank me for taking good care of Dane, because I was not only helping him to overcome his autism, I was also his only friend. I was in shock, because I thought Dane has a few friends in school.

She then told me that Dane was struggling in school. I looked at her with wide eyes and questioned that possibility. I mean, he was a very bright and chatty fellow when we were playing together in my school playground. From the way he spoke, he obviously was very intelligent. And I came to learn a shocking truth.

When Dane is "overwhelmed" (I forgot her exact words), his brain begins to shut down, and he is unable to complete his schoolwork for the whole day. And he will begin to act strangely and misbehave. And his teachers did not know how to deal with him. My interpretation is he was even ignored by his teachers, because they didn't know how to deal with him. I was steaming! How can they NOT KNOW how to handle him? They can't just ignore him, because his problems won't go away. She told me that out of 5 school days, he can only concentrate in school for 2 days. The rest... well, wasn't really productive.

I can't imagine the situation, because so far, Dane is just like any other nice kid, if you discount his peculiarities (which I really don't find peculiar at all). Off the top of my head, I can list some. As the playground is fenced, whenever the bouncy ball goes outside the playground, he begins to get uncomfortable and he requested me to bring the ball back in. And then, whenever he plays with the ball, he talks to the ball, asking it to come back. Despite my encouragement, he doesn't want to try the monkey bars. And of course, he doesn't make eye contact whenever he talks. His eyes wander everywhere but my eyes.

And I'm not really bothered by those, actually. If I didn't know he is autistic, I could have mistaken him as an ordinary, bright kid.

Anyway, I probably couldn't understand the difficulties the teachers faced as well when dealing with Dane as he wasn't in his best, and I haven't seen him at his worse time too. So erm, yeah...

You know, when Dane's mother mentioned that I'm his only true friend, I cannot help but feel really happy and important too. I have never felt important before, and I was really touched by her words and Dane's sincerity whenever we meet and have fun. I mean, I never imagined myself to be important in anyone's life at all! I'm like, wow! =O =D It makes me really happy, because I have at least a real purpose to exist. To make someone's life better. =)

Making a difference. I like it... Wow!

Man, I so love Dane! =D


On another matter, I feel as days pass by, I am getting closer and closer to this wonderful girl who is my close friend in school. Let's call her Miss Klutzy! ;) Yeap, I really like Miss Klutzy. Like on Monday when I got angry with my mom, she calmed me down by saying that my mom was looking out for me, and she was just doing her job. And I'm like, why am I so blinded by anger as to not see more than just the nagging? She's sincere, she's nice, she's pretty, she's awkward and she is so far from the woman of my dreams. But her personality, oh my, I fell in love with it! So full of love and happiness. And for a few days when we chatted online, we found out that we have a lot of common in our teenage angsts. The thing being she experienced it first because she is about 2 years my senior.

At first, her age kind of bothered me. I always thought a couple is an older man with a younger woman (to compensate men's late maturity =P). As time passes, it didn't bother me anymore because love knows no boundaries. LOL! I just hope that somehow, we will be more than just friends. But I'm keeping things slow for now. I don't want to set myself up for another disappointment, yet!

I have to stop here. It's getting late, and I have not finished my Theory of Knowledge assignment on writing a Maths poetry. Maths isn't my strong calibre, and I have zero interest in Maths. Not to mention our current Maths substitute teacher is bad beyond bad. I start to despise Maths now. I want our Maths teacher back. Never mind that she have just given birth! =P Hahaha!


Anyway, Model United Nations conference is coming up this weekend. I am extremely excited! =D I have prepared everything except tackling the flaws in my resolution, writing a speech supporting my resolution and printing out my online resources. I can't wait! However, I have difficulty countering points of information people shoot me. And I fear them because I always give illogical answers. I always answer in broken English because of my nervousness. *embarrassed* And thanks to nervousness, my brain conveniently decides to shut down, and I start to lose control. =( And the last time I participated in this, participants have been extremely mean and hypercritical. It was so depressing, because they don't even give a newcomer a chance to recuperate. =S

[+] There's more!

He swung by after school when she was taking care of toddlers, and he asked my friend out. Just like that, her dreams came true. I am extremely disappointed because it so happened I could not be there today because I had to attend a scholarship briefing (which was really boring by the way. I do not intend to apply for it because I am content with where I am now.). Arghhh! I am extremely frustrated that I missed the only opportunity to see love blossoming between two teenagers.

I am so happy for her because all this was, she had difficulty overcoming her shyness to talk to him, and she was hating herself for that. And then, he came and asked her out! Oh my gosh! It is like a fairytale! I simply couldn't believe what she typed in Windows Live Messenger. I'm like, no way! =D

As much as I am happy for her, I am a little bit jealous also. Hey, why isn't this happening to me? I like this girl and yet, I keep telling myself I need to take things slowly. Plus, she is erm... 2 years my senior. It's kind of weird, but all the same, it feels so right. I've been hanging out with her most of the time, and I have this hunch (no, I eavesdropped) that people in my year are gossiping that we are going out together, when we are not.

It's so confusing, and I really want to tell this to someone. But I still trust no one in my new school, except for her. I wish someone could understand the situation I am in. I busted Valentine's Day big time by not sending her candies. Oh, guess what? I didn't receive any gifts from anyone during Valentine's Day. Something went wrong with the delivery, lol! My friend also confessed she exaggerated the "secret admirer" part. I was quite let down that day.

Sometimes, I just want to sit down at the bench in a quiet park, and just hold her hands.

As she frequently speaks Mandarin, and her English needs a lot of polishing, I challenged her to speak only English throughout the whole day (except during her Mandarin lessons). I really hope she won't slip. If she is successful, I'll buy her lunch. =) If she is successful, I will give her a friendly hug and whisper into her ears, "I like you. You did it. Congratulations. I'm so proud of you." I want to make it a triumphant moment for her, so that she can always remember the day. =)

Okay, I seriously need to stop daydreaming. And I realised my writing generally has became more and more disjointed and incoherent. =(

Well, it's late. I need to sleep so that my brain is able to process thoughts during the early morning TOK lessons.

[+] There's more!

I am so behind my Geography and Malay classes. I have most of the population chapter to cover (which took the bulk of Term 1 to complete), and I have ten thousand Malay novels to read. And oh, there's piano too. My practices are rare and always on the day before the class. Then again, what's so surprising about that?

I have this nagging feeling when I'm behind work. It's annoying and it puts an unnecessary strain on my life.

[+] There's more!

During lunchbreak, out of the blue, a friend told me that a secret admirer has sent me US$0.50 worth of chocolates which will be delivered to me early morning on Valentine's Day. I was shocked, and extremely ecstatic! Someone in my new school actually like me? =O

That is the best thing to have ever happened to me! My crazy dream actually came true! =D

Oh gosh. I cannot wait for Valentine's Day! Fine, I know how overrated that day is, and February 14 should never be celebrated. And how lovers are making too much of a fuss on this day. After knowing this, I've changed my belief. =P

I hope she sent me them. I really hope it will be her. But I don't think it is her since she didn't know how much they cost. Maybe it's her.

I feel bad to be a Don Juan and fancying two girls at the same time. =(

Ahhh! Two more days!

I just hope that friend isn't making a mountain out of a molehill. I really hope it isn't just a friendly gesture from a friend.

[+] There's more!

I am on the verge of breaking down because heaps of work are pilling up, I'm looking out for excuses to procrastinate, I feel uninspired, I feel demotivated. I feel tired! So tired of school... =(

And homework just keep coming in, like low-energy waves where the swash is stronger than the backwash. My writing skills ironically becomes unpolished and stilted. Writing suddenly doesn't feel natural anymore. It's actually something which I want to take a break from! Oh God, what is becoming of me?

My English essay on A Doll's House is one of the worst essay I have ever crafted. I don't really know how to write a literature essay based on a certain theme. Do I actually have to reread the books (I did) and present my ideas in a chronological idea? I don't think that is how it is supposed to be correctly done.

And I call myself a reader. Shame, shame! =(

And then there are the topics on population in Geography which I am supposed to complete during the December holidays. My notebook is due on Monday, and I have not completed even half of the big assignment. I am so screwed...

And I'm starting to find myself understanding, yet not understanding, concepts in classes. An analogy to describe it is drowning in a sea of knowledge where you immerse yourself with knowledge, yet the more you know, the more you don't seem to know and suddenly, you fail to appreciate them and you suddenly become dumb. Do you get the picture?

Sixth form is dumb. And in those days, I thought it was one of the coolest thing which can happen to me. I never thought it would even be stressful. People think I'm breezing through because I am a boy genius. I am so not a genius. My IQ is just around 120 (according to a Facebook application). And I'm not breezing through, I'm suffering in hell! =( People can't seem to understand the difficulty I'm going through. Heck, I don't even understand myself too. =(

I just want to crawl in a corner and sit there dejectedly and watch as the world unfurls, without giving a damn to anything.

[+] There's more!

My younger brother is bullied in his new school. My new school! And it is just the beginning of Term 2!

It did occur yesterday but it was rather "minor" and I thought it was a harmless prank. Today, it got worse. What happened was some bunch of immature babies decided to grab his bottle and put soap in it when they were in the toilet. How nasty can they get?! Why are they depriving of his source of water for the day in school. WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING OF?

And I was told by the maid that the other day, some people dropped a sharpener into his bottle of water. Then yesterday, he angrily told me that a "friend" of his emptied his water bottle, in front of it, and decided to fart into it.

HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO RIDICULOUSLY CHILDISH?

No, it cannot be tolerated any longer. My brother is throwing a big tantrum here. Tomorrow first thing in the morning, I am going in to speak to the teacher or the principal and raise my concern. What I hate about my brother is that he is so afraid to speak out! =( And I worry for him because he is unwilling to take any action to stop this ludicrous nonsense! Why stay silent, and then throw tantrums at home when absolutely NOTHING can be done? What is he so afraid of? Revenge? Why must he be so afraid?

I don't understand... =( I fail at being the older brother. =(

I told my mom about this problem because I really don't know what to do. =( I am so hopeless when it comes to these things.

I am just so upset that such things could happen here in my new school. It is very unjust, especially since he transferred over a few months ago. It is just the beginning of Term 2. I dread to think what will happen if this goes on unnoticed.

My brother is a victim of bullying. This must not go on. He needs to be strong; he HAS to be strong. If our family isn't there for him when he goes elsewhere, how else is he going to survive in this harsh world we live in. The world so full of idiots who truly doesn't deserve living in such a beautiful place. Well, it once was a beautiful place.

Now, I think my brother fears going back to school because of bullying. He is now thinking of even transferring back to his old school. I think I know why he thought of that a few months back. I don't think running away from bullying is possible. They just keep happening, until and unless he speaks up and remains firm on the ground.

[+] There's more!

I am so tired. I was completing my Chemistry practical report in a sleep-like trance. My mind was completely detached from my body and flew to dreamland. While I was brainstorming for answers, I had subconsciously wrote this down. This will dazzle the scientific community.

... If there is a large excess of zinc, (pause) I will call them for help.

A minute later, I "came back". I reread what I wrote, and I was so shocked at my answer. I couldn't even remember writing that! And call who for help? =S And I laughed!!!

Oh gosh, I'm too tired. My energy is drained out, and I need to complete this Geography presentation due tomorrow. Oh boy...

[+] There's more!

This week has been pretty eventful. It is going to be filled with CAS activities. I feel happy because it gives me a sense of purpose, besides pursuing the academia. Here's what has happened, and will happen:

• Joined the running club.


• MUN is in 5 weeks. Meeting was held yesterday. I found out the country I'm representing, and although I'm not too happy about the allocation, I can live with it. =)


• The first episode of Heroes, Season 2 premiered yesterday on Star World. It was really great! Time passed by really fast. I can't wait for next week's episode! =D
  
• Today, I took care of toddlers in my school.


• A walk around the local park for an upcoming trip overseas.


• Working with autistic children.


• Joining the Film Making club next week.

Highlights of the week? Taking care of children.

Seriously, never in my life have I considered taking care of children! =O Yeah, I do dream of being a father and having a nice family, but I've never considered the aspect of taking good care of children. I don't know why, but I tend to shy away from them. I'm so scared that they don't like me and find me an evil monster.

But then, there were a couple of times when I am stuck in a room with a child or two, and after overcoming my hesitation, I find that I really do enjoy playing with them. Their sheer innocence and their innate ability to find anything fun is amazing. It was just exactly what happened just now. A friend invited me to join the Toddler Group, which basically is about playing with toddlers and taking care of them. Previously, I was appalled by the idea because I am afraid of doing a bad job. Today, I took the plunge. Besides, I needed some hours for CAS. It couldn't hurt, right? If I didn't like it, I can at least say I have tried it.

Guess what? I had no regrets at all!

I spent time playing with this cute little guy. He is so charismatic and full of life. Today, he and I are playing airports, cars, cities, animals... All kinds of funky things. Suddenly, I was rediscovering childhood, and I let my imagination overtake me. End result? The kid enjoyed himself, and my friends were really surprised at my sudden childish behaviour. Whoops, my deep dark secret is out! Lol! =P Honestly, it was really fun to play with him, talk to him and entertain him. I think his parents are worried that I enjoyed myself more than he enjoyed himself. Lol! It was so hilarious, and I was kind of embarrassed after that. So I toned down a bit and let him be the, well, "master".

All in all, it was really fun. I can't believe I actually had fun playing with him. A child! And I discovered one thing. I can be my true self, let myself go and indulge in childish pastimes. Forget about the pressures of IB and just connect with young people. No more facades.

In short, no regrets. And I am looking forward to playing with autistic children too. I think it will be a fresh, new experience because I'm lacking in the child care department. ;) So I think it is going to be really fun! Plus, there will be someone there who will guide us in dealing with autistic kids. So it should be really cool and exciting. I really can't wait.

I have a feeling that these experiences with children will lead me to something bigger. Could it be my passion? A newfound hobby? Who knows? I think I shall let time tell. In the meantime, I will hopefully enjoy myself among children. Thanks to the IB programme for opening up new perspectives in life!

[+] There's more!

Because gossip kills. Clashing with the wrong crowd is an extremely bad idea. Supporters are victimised. Taunts and threats are dished out; every word voiced inviting trouble.

And the worst thing is, nobody knows the real truth. It is concealed with lies after lies.

I am just glad that I am not involving myself in anything, and that I am staying near the brink of destruction. A silent, solemn observer. It makes me realise that humans can be crueler than the devil. I feel sad because it makes the world a more horrid place to live in. I feel sad because those who are trying to help, end up hurting themselves instead.

Sometimes, it's best to be ignorant and walk away, or flee, from trouble. And that is what I am doing know. It is none of my business.

[+] There's more!

Let me tell you of my bitter experience while traveling in a foreign land.

It happened in Murray Street, during the first week of my holiday. I had just hopped off the free city bus heading to Borders, my favourite place in Perth. So we walked past Woolworths and I decided to stop for a drink before we continue to Borders. As I was struggling to free my bottle from my bag, a guy approached me. This guy was big (not in an intimidating way) and had shaggy blond hair. He was freckled and wearing shirt and shorts. He's in his teen, probably not older, or even younger, than me. I thought he looked shoddy.

So this guy stopped me and asked for my help. I was confused by his sudden appearance. First of all, city people do not call out to random strangers. He proceeded to explain that he needed someone to help him carry a sign around which advertised Subway burgers. I eyed him suspiciously, and told him I was busy and heading off to a bookstore (yes, stupid response! =O). I don't know how, or why, but he managed to persuade me to help him out for a little while. He told me to walk around Murray and Hay Streets and hold the sign. That was all I had to do. I asked why, and he told me he needed a little break.

Guess what? I said:

Err... okay, sure! Just for a short while, right?

Oh my goodness, can you believe how dumb I was? I was what my former English teacher says, "A blinking donkey". My little brother instantly avoided me and pretended he didn't know me. I REALLY did walk around holding up the sign! People were eyeing me. They STARED at me!!! =( At first, I felt fuzzy doing something nice for someone, until I began to flush with embarrassment. Then it hit me.

I WAS USED! USED!!!

I cannot believe my stupidity. I may be that smart alec in class, but my street smartness equates 0! I didn't walk too far a distance, thankfully, saving me many minutes of shame. My little brother pestered me to go back and give it back to the guy. I even scolded him lightly, before I heeded to his sensible advice and headed back to our promised meeting place near Woolworths.

So I walked back there and tried looking for the guy.

AND THERE HE STOOD IN FULL GLORY, CLEARLY FLIRTING WITH A SALESGIRL! =O (She was promoting some product at a small stall.)

I was boiling mad. I approached him quickly, and he pretended to not even notice me! He went to a group of giggling girls and pretended to join in a conversation.My temperature soared an all-time high. I ranted to the salesgirl. While she was sorry to see me being taken advantage off, she told me bluntly she couldn't help me.

I questioned the legality of making tourists help someone with work. The guy finally acknowledged me after some time. I repeated it again to him.

"It is illegal to make tourists do the work for you. I'm a tourist, you're not supposed to do that."

"I'm just asking you to help out. Can't you help me out for a few more minutes? You will even be paid for it!"

An interlude here: Forgive me for saying this, but...

FUCK YOU! TO HELL WITH YOU, YOU ARSEHOLE!

*ANGRY*

I then realised I was being taken advantage of by some unknown dude! And he had probably told the girls how he has managed to influence a nerdy chink to do something stupid. I was embarrassed, I felt foolish, stupid and dumb! I am worse than a retard, I tell you! =(

To avoid more trouble, I passed back the sign to him rudely and strode away. He called after me and tried stuffing the sign into my bag. "What are you doing?" I hissed. I strode faster. He was getting closer. HE WAS ACTUALLY CHASING ME!

HE WAS BEGGING ME TO HELP HIM! *shriek* That IS not helping at all! If you want help, you don't go desperate over it, especially not something like this. It is his job to walk around the city and advertise for Subway. I have absolutely nothing to do with it. Too bad I didn't realise that many minutes ago! Argh! =(

The situation took a turn for the worse. Feeling embarrassed was bad enough. It wasn't until later that night I realised what had just happened.

I. Was. Harassed.

This guy was insane! He actually chased me across the block. I fled for my life. Adrenaline kicked in. Fight or flee. I chose the latter. I can't fight. I'm too pathetic to fight. I ran with all my might. I ran one block and ended up at Hay Street. I didn't stop until I was near Borders, and certain that he was gone. There was no way that chav could have run so far. I thanked God for blessing me with naturally long legs.

I was flustered and lost my younger brother. I panicked. What if he harassed my brother? Thankfully, he came a minute later, complaining that he couldn't keep up with me. I was too shocked to laugh at the pun. He explained that he saw me took off and the guy stopped running at the junction. The guy later went back without touching my brother. I was so glad that my brother was unharmed. That was my primary concern.

Rage took over me. I was determined to lodge a complain at Subway. People like that should not exist on this planet. The very least I can do is to get him fired, so that other people will not be victimised. I forgot where Subway was, since it has been a year since I set foot on the city. I took my courage and asked a random passer-by for help. I did say previously that city people do not call out to random strangers. So the couple ignored me before I asserted that I want to know where Subway was. I went to the nearest one which was at the Carillon City food court at the same street. I thanked them and headed down to Subway.

I searched wildly for Subway, like a hungry lion looking for a prey. I spotted it and went to lodge a complain. Sadly, my complain wasn't taken seriously by the branch manager. He could not understand what I say, and handed me a serviette with the Subway hotline written on it. He told I could voice my complain there. I was told by one of the staff that they do not hire anyone to advertise burgers for them.

I was shocked beyond belief. He had been faking it all along! It was all a set-up. I never felt so humiliated in my life. The expression on my face was despair and panic, and I think I scared everyone there. I think I looked like a psycho. =|

I thanked them and walked away sadly. I kept the serviette with me, determined to phone Subway later. At that time, I simply had to shop for books. They provide solace, especially after the stupid traumatic event.

No, I didn't call Subway in the end. There was simply too little information I can provide. I can describe his appearance and the place it happened but that was about it. I doubt there was anything the Subway people can do anyway, since I didn't have his name. I tore the serviette into pieces and threw it away. Damn it, the fucking dickhead got away! He is going to harass more people now. Or maybe tell the entire world how he has managed to get a stranger do his bidding and exert his supremacy.

No justice was served. It was so unfair! =(

My younger brother had me relate the experience to my older brother and his girlfriend. They had wanted to laugh at my story, but they didn't. And I was really surprised. They gave me different advices on how to handle such situations. My elder brother told me to either ignore him or tell him to fuck off if he keeps persisting. It is the city after all, and it can be a treacherous place. His girlfriend taught me to break the advertisement in front of him, and walk away. It sounded pretty cool, and I was envisioning the likely outcome of the situation. Alas, I couldn't do anything since it had already happened.

This experience has really shattered my liking for the city. I love cities, I love to be a city dweller one day. I feel really sad to know the city isn't as safe as I think. I mean, they do portray those in movies, but I never thought it can actually happen to me.

It did, and I will never forget it. It scarred me for life, I guess (or maybe that is another exaggeration). And the very thought that evil is more evil than that is not comforting at all. It changed my future visits to Hay Street and Murray Street malls. I now avoid passing Woolworths, and I am now more careful of myself. My brother warned me that place is a hang-out spot for delinquent teenagers.

I guess the old adage of "never talk to strangers" still applies no matter how old you are.

I was so afraid of going back the next day, but I'm not going to let paranoia get the best of me. After all, I need to make repeated visits to Borders since it is such a wonderful haven for book-lovers. I'm glad Borders is some distance away from Woolworths.

When I once visited Garden City shopping mall and Carillon City, I spotted him AGAIN! I immediately went into OMG mode and immediately retraced my steps. I can't believe I can bump into him twice! Especially in places like Perth where the population is about a million. What are the odds of that happening? And the worst thing was that he wore the same outfit! =| That was freaky. I don't know whether my eyes are playing tricks on me or not. I'm just glad I wasn't seen by him, or whoever he was.

Or maybe I have developed a fear for large freckled Caucasian with blonde shaggy hair who wears black outfit. Is there even such a fear?! =O

My mind is so twisted...

I regretted not even trying to call Subway and lodge a complain. I mean, I think it's worth a try. *sigh* I have failed to stop a monster...

And I do wonder, why of all people was I picked? Is it racism? My vulnerable appearance? My brother suggested that I looked too nice and an easy target. =(

I did get something out of this experience though. I think I now understand harassment and humiliation, and I now know how to handle similar situations...

=(

[+] There's more!

Am I a coward, because I am afraid to be different?

Am I a coward, because I am afraid to make a difference?

Am I useless, because I am unsure where my life is heading to now, when it is clear that everything is going downhill now?

Am I just an empty shell, because I don't know who I am anymore?

[+] There's more!

Wi-fi Pokemon battles were really fun and enjoyable. I think Pokemon Diamond is the best Pokemon game ever made, simply because it finally enabled online battling and trading. My passion for competitive battling was reignited, and I hopped on to the bandwagon.

Unfortunately, raising a new team is tough. The process of breeding Pokemon with certain conditions is arduous, and the odds are unfairly unfavourable. The game adventure robbed my holiday. My chance in catching up schoolwork was gone. It robbed my first weekend! My chance in straightening things is gone! =( Time flew just like that, and once again, I am grumbling about my lack of self-discipline. =(

I did what was best. I wrote down my future plans for my new team. I retired the game and everything related to it. No more online battling anymore, until when I have more time.

Best decision of my life so far this year. =)

*sigh* All the work poured in. Oh well, I guess that's that. I now understand why my mom imposes bans on video game consoles during the school term.

Back to my incomplete Biology homework, which I thought was already completed after the holidays. Here I go again!

[+] There's more!

I am so overjoyed to see everyone downstairs ushering the new year in just now! In the final countdown, everyone was holding their breaths as the last remnants of 2007 ticked away. When 2008 arrived, there was a joyous rupture! Everyone celebrated the new year. Hugs, kisses, elation... Wow, it's really amazing.

You know what? This really compels me to throw a new year party this year! I think it will be really cool to have so many people, especially friends, counting down together. It is surreal, man!

Hmm... 1 January 2008...

Well, have a great year everyone! And for those in other time zones, hope to see you join us soon in 2008!

[+] There's more!