I feel physically unhealthy. No, I'm not sick or anything, it's just that I have been lacking exercise for at least a few months. Ever since I have been diagnosed pneumothorax a couple of weeks ago, I haven't been going to swimming lessons. I am already lagging far behind class, especially since my mates have been undergoing intensive training for a swimming competition early this month. I've lost my stamina and my overall physical fitness.

To make matters worse, my brother himself did not even bother turning up for training lessons. He was insistently stubborn after reminding him a couple of times over and over. As a result, he wasn't put in to the competition. Now, I do not dare to show my face in the next class this Sunday as we will both be labelled as lazy. Heck, I don't even know whether we will be re-enrolled as we haven't confirmed our turn-up for this term since we did not go for swimming classes for some time. I can just imagine the angry look on my coach's face and the disappointment for our shoddy performance.

I do have a genuine reason because I was advised to stay out of the pool by the doctor, and furthermore, I had my mocks but somehow, I feel that such excuses cannot be tolerated. It shows that I am not ready to be fully committed to it. The sporadic attendances is a proof of it, plus my absence from the competition. I myself am willing to go for it were I in good shape. My brother just made things worse. Argh, I can't believe he is such a lazy bum (and I mean really lazy)! =( I am seriously annoyed with his lackadaisical attitude!

I wished I did swim a few laps in the stadium pool. However, I really do not want to trouble my driver. It's not only that, I doubt my mom would let me go since "the doctor advised me to stay away from pool for four to six weeks" even thought it's already the seventh/eighth week. Hey, while I was trying to carry my brother's luggage yesterday, my mom scolded me for lifting it. I was already pathetically weak for a guy, and to stop me from exerting my muscles, gosh, I think I could just rot into oblivion! I'm serious. Like how I'm not supposed to carry heavy objects with my left arm since I broke it when I was in Year 2. Come on, my bones have healed already! Will my bones actually crumble into dust due to the weight of the heavy objects? Of course not!

Thanks a lot. I bet my future wife will be stronger than me. I'm such a man! =(

Swim a few laps. If I can actually make a few laps. I hate my inactivity.

Just now, there was a perfect opportunity to get back into shape when after all those months, my neighbour started calling me again to play basketball. I thought it would be great, but after reading a friend's message of whether I used a lip balm or not and my neighbour's unsporting behaviour in basketball, I gave an excuse that I need to complete my homework. I feel really bad rejecting them over and over again, but I was holding back out of fear. =( At least my brother agreed to go.

I tried to distract myself by typing out notes on radioactivity as I was in a mood to study. I quited after five minutes as I scolded myself on missing the opportunity to get back in shape. I cursed and I decided to check out things discreetly. I was let down once again when my neighbour shouted for an uncalled foul, and the siblings then argued among themselves again. I shook my head in pity and just laid down on a bed, thinking how I will survive in the upcoming swimming class, and just feeling bad about myself in keeping unfit all these while.

I don't know why I am so reluctant to exercise. And yet, I want to keep fit. Sometimes I ask myself why am I so lazy and yet wanting to see results? What am I waiting for?

I don't even know why I'm feeling like this. I don't even understand why I have to worry over nothing. *gives a lost look*