5 August 2007

From:that frolicsome kid
To:Whom this may concern
Date:5 August 2007, 19:24
Subject: Trauma  

I am not doing well these days. =( Things have been going rather downhill lately. The written mocks are a fortnight away and I have yet to begin real, intensive revision. Somehow, I lost the mood to study and to do anything. It is as if I am rebelling against the examinations system when I normally have no qualms about it!

Physically, my body is not cooperating with me. Just when I demand good health while studying. Apparently, I have not taken enough measures to ensure that my physique is in top shape. Last week, our school organised a run. I should have bought a new pair of running shoes; the current pair is too tight for my big feet even though I normally wear size 9.5. My toes had to suffocate and suffer from injuries as they are cramped together in the tight space. As a result, two of my toenails (next to the big toe) are traumatised from the constant impacts of the shoes and they broke. One became detached from the nail bed, and other one bled and later became detached.

I was really shocked to see the throbbing toes and I was, and still am, shocked when I realise I'm going to lose both of them. Just now, I clipped away the entire left toe as it was painful (when coming in contact with the floor, or when I try to bend it). It's bearable but it was starting to bug me. Furthermore, it was already oozing pus (?). So reluctantly, after googling for advices (which weren't helpful), I made the hectic decision of clipping the whole nail to the cuticle. I was frightened by the slight ease of cutting it away without pain. Now, my nail bed is exposed and can any time be invaded by bacteria or fungi. I immediately regretted my decision, and I lamented about my ludicrousness. =(

I'm paranoid that I have cut away the nail root too and I will be stuck without a nail at that toe forever! I look at the now nail-less toe longingly to have the nail back. I feel vulnerable seeing the exposed pinkish nail bed, which looks sensitive. Just great! And it still slightly hurts too when walking, and watery, clear pus still ooze out from within the cuticle. How totally absurd!

I decided to remove the other detached nail too but however, I was pleasantly surprised to see a new, hard nail growing beneath the dead, crusty detached nail. It does not look pretty, but I'm glad that I've already got a new nail there. It must have been growing when that nail was partially broken a few months ago. That surprise finding itself lifted my spirits up a little but there are many factors out there which hampered my satisfaction with life lately.

Missing nails are just a minor concern. My chest throbs with pain whenever I sit, stand, move or lie down. It began rather suddenly yesterday when I came back from school. I was sitting on the sofa about to have my tea when suddenly, my right pectoral muscles began to hurt like hell. I was squirming with pain at the sudden cram. My mother questioned my sudden awkward behaviour. I assured her there was nothing wrong with me, when in reality it was painful! Knowing her, she fiercely makes sure I recover from whatever illnesses and pains by bulk feeding me with health products. I hate it. I do not believe in health products although the company was trustworthy! She also gives all the unneeded attention to me, thinking that I'm incapable of doing "ordinary tasks", and strictly ensures that I'll get my rest in bed.

To make matters worse, the pain increased substantially in the next few minutes and I simply had to tell her about it. I was afraid that it could develop into something rather serious. The timing to have such injuries is bad. Must it happen so close to my mocks?

My pectorals were massaged using an ointment which relieves muscle cramps. Thankfully, the pain subsided, but not a lot. My chest was still painful and memories of a previous experience of this "injury" came flooding back in my memory. I remembered enduring the pain when my parents were not at home. It was assumed that there was bad blood circulation. The symptoms were the same: there was "something" inside the chest that moved slightly whenever I moved, aching my right chest. I don't know how to describe it. If I hadn't remember wrongly, the pain will have subsided in the next couple of days.

And so, my parents once again reinforced the fact that I should not carry heavy things. Hey, I'm a guy and I am already pathetically weak, and you're asking me not to lift things? How was I supposed to build at least "some" muscle? What are they thinking? I'm already soft! Great, thank you!

I know that maybe the way I carried the table yesterday morning may not be right. But must the pain come much later after that? I had the feeling that it has nothing whatsoever to do with the pain.

Oh, I am so confused! I just want the pain to be rid of as soon as possible. It's not nice to breathe shallowly to avoid feeling the pain and having to move in pain constantly.

What more, I'm doing shoddily in school and revision. I do not get organic chemistry, radioactivity and vectors (Mathematics). The last few chapters of the syllabi are ridiculously difficult to comprehend. I seriously question how well I will fare for my mocks. I am going to jeopardise my future applications to sixth form schools if my mocks results are mediocre... =(

I'm procrastinating badly. I'm sick of it. I just want to revise properly this time. I told myself that already, why aren't I fulfilling my own wishes? =(

Comments (13):

by Anonymous
Date:6/8/07 23:42  

Hi again,

Just wanted to remind you that today is the last day of voting for Bestest Blog of the Year, and there are definitely still quite a few blogs within striking distance for the fame and glory (and $50 cash prize!).

EXCLUSIVE results will be featured on my new (and improved!) blog, BestestBlog.com, 8AM EST on Tuesday morning. Voting for new "Best Blog of the Days" has already begun and the first winner (based entirely on your votes) will be picked Wednesday (and every) morning at 8AM (again at Bestest Blog). Get in the running by joining the Blankest Blank Blog Directory...over 100 have already, and we haven't even handed out any awards yet!!

We'll also be having daily results (again based on your nominations and votes) for Funniest Video, Funniest Picture, Funniest Joke, and Most Fun Game every day at 10AM, 12PM, 2PM, and 4PM respectively.

I hope you'll stop by and leave a comment some time, we've got lots of exciting stuff on the horizon!

Pains from both muscles and bones can come long after the occasion it really happened, that's the difficulties with it. You'll never know 100% sure what's caused it, butt it does sound like it can have been the carrying of the table.

How ever, such pressure over the chest can also come from stress...

Anyway, resting and let the time do the rest seem to be the medicine in most cases. Even if it's a young person like you and not an old hag like me! *giggles*

Wanna have a peek with London eye….?

London is for your feet as Lifecruiser ship has anchored at Thames….. *giggles*

We miss you.... a lot...

by Camiseta Personalizada
Date:7/8/07 21:28  
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

The results are in!! Check em out and see where your blog ranks!

My son banged his toe once which generated a blood-blister underneath the nail. The nail split in half after a few weeks, top half pulling away from the nailbed completely. Kept it bandaged together for a while (freaked out with bare nail-bed thing like you) but the broken-off half was destined to come off anyway so it didn't seem to make any difference by trying to keep it "glued" together. We used a zinc-tape from the first aid kit which has really good grip, layered with cotton guaze for easy removal between showers. The nail grew back to normal again ("nice" looking) after a number of weeks ;) I would've taken my son straight to a doc if there was any pus or oozing if it looked infected tho.

Seems like your mum's big on natural therapies. Are you able to see a doctor? Feeling rather worried about you as it seems like you're hit with a fair bit of depression there that you don't need to put up with. Can you speak to someone about "things"?

Hope you have a new pair of sneakers by now. Do get some if you haven't ;)

Take care of YOU, first.

Thank you Bobby for organising the Bestest Blog of the Year. I haven't been an active participant as I have been bogged down by school lately.

And wow, I cannot believe I'm No. 65 on the list! I thought I would be somewhere at the very bottom since I haven't been updating much nowadays (and I did not vote for myself!).

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everybody who voted for me although I did not actively promote my own site. Thank you so much for taking your time and vote for my blog. =)

Hey Cap'n! It happened spontaneously when I was sitting down and having my fried bananas. The doctor did not know what was the cause, but apparently, it strikes tall and thin young men, like me. (How lucky!)

Yes, time did heal all wounds. My last check-up on Tuesday showed that 85% of the air in my pleural/chest cavity naturally disappeared. There is no pain now. Thank goodness! I suffer from pneumothorax. I'll talk about it in an upcoming blog post.

I really miss being able to blog freely and having to read about your lives. Sadly, I'm having my mocks now and my freedom is pretty much "impaired". Lol.

Hey R'acquel! I remembered a bad accident where my younger brother fell off his bicycle and I rammed over his hands, injuring a fingernail. It was horrifying! His nail cracked and it had to be removed. The process was disgusting. *shudder*

I guess karma is just doing it's favour to me! Hahaha! Seriously, I was so scared when I cut my whole dead toenail. The nailbed looked fleshy, pinky and sensitive. I was so worried it would get infected and the nail wouldn't be able to grow again. I checked just now, and great news! It's growing again! =D

I can wait for a few weeks. Besides, the nail bed sort of "hardened" anyway.

My mom sells medicines. She's like a regular Florence Nightingale, always demanding us children to take supplementary vitamins and health products as well as ingesting medicine for even a common cold! Lol! I really don't believe in medicines unless a doctor says so.

Yes, I have gone to see a doctor regarding my chest pain. He told me that it's no biggie; it takes time to heal on it's own. It's pneumothorax by the way.

I'm pretty worried about myself too. I'm always in a constant state of worry come exams. When I was ranting to my best friend about my worries in finishing my computer coursework, he was surprised to hear my worries. He said I worry too much to the point of obsessively. I asked him, "Isn't it normal?".

I have no idea really. My mother is pretty worried I'll end up with depression when I grow up. I tried shaking that off. My best friend told me not to worry too much about what she said. Somehow, I'm not comforted...

*sigh* R'acquel, I tend to keep things to myself. I don't tell my parents much about what is going on with my life. I do tell my close buddies, but there is only so much I am willing to share.

I am reluctant to invest in another sneaker after I spent about US$75 on the Nike sneakers. There is no urgency to buy one. Besides, I can still use the looser-fitting pair which I still have.

Thanks for the reminder. I have been jeopardizing my health lately. Stupid procrastination of mine!

Yeah - toenails are fairly resilient. Wishing you all the best with a speedy re-growth! ;D

> He said I worry too much to the point of obsessively. I asked him, "Isn't it normal?".

Worry over exams is normal to an extent but not if it's beginning to seriously jeopardise your quality of life & health. Is there anyone at the school you can check in with to discuss how much the exams & procrastination is affecting you?

If life has a persistent heaviness & down-mood which is very hard to "shake off", you can get help for that.

Writing things out - is a great vehicle that helps to acknowledge things to yourself and it can also help you to find answers within.

What did help me to bias my mind towards happiness was by keeing a lookout and writing about the small good things that do bring pleasure. Actively seeking small things like that helped me to notice the good stuff that would otherwise remain burried when big sad things overshadowed it.

>I do tell my close buddies, but there is only so much I am willing to share.

I'm no different on this front myself ;) Life did change for me when i did end up finding other like-minded people that i could talk to.

Your parents would be great mentors in many different ways but they may not be the most approachable when it comes to talking about various things. Carrying strong burdens alone too much isn't ok. It's important to have a good social support network - have enough people that you CAN talk to.

Blog-on! ;D

Hey r'acquel! Hmm... My nail is growing rather slowly. The important thing is that it is growing anyway. =)

I don't know about the worries. I noticed that most of my friends are calmer than me when it comes to exams. They were really surprised to hear me being anxious and all.

I most feel heaviness when exams roll around. Usually, I'm pretty happy-go-lucky on normal days. Well, unless there are problems in my life.

I find blogging here has done immense wonders in how I handle my problems and worries. I came to know that writing allows me to quieten the hectic emotions and gives my logic thoughts a chance to run. After writing, I feel kind of relieved even though the problem is still out there.

Sometimes, even sharing problems with friends halves my problems. The only thing is that I don't really do that often.

Lol! I will definitely blog on although I do rather sporadic updates nowadays.

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