|From:||that frolicsome kid|
|To:||Whom this may concern|
|Date:||8 July 2007, 21:40|
|Subject:||In a Fragile State of Mind|
I did not live very happily these past few days. Sure, there are definitely the happy times, but they were overshadowed by rage, fury and disappointment. A few days ago when the school prefects organised a sports event for the student body, an ungrateful wretch made a poignant attack on our efforts. He alleged that the prefects had cheated in an event as he figured the referees who were us played favouritism and declared us the victor. As one of the referees, it was clear that we did not do that and we aren't that desperate to sink so low to help our team. =( How dare he directed such accusations to us! I began to think he had issues against us prefects. To add insult to injury, he threatened that his team will ensure that the prefects will not score a shot in the upcoming basketball game. It's easy for me to shrug it off were it a joke. It was clear that he meant that intently. I shot him a deadly glare when he looked back to his team mates, cursing silently that he will be sorry with what he had just said.
I hate to say this, but at that instant, I developed a strong hatred feeling towards him and his stupid society. His team was actually a "society" (something like a fraternity/sorority?) formed by a couple of students. *rolls eyes* It's pretty ironic how I disliked the society so much as a whole when he slated the prefects. I shouldn't have felt that way. That was pretty low of me.
Many minutes later, the basketball match between the prefects and his society began. It was clear that the other team was trying to play rough to intimidate the prefects. It didn't look friendly to me. Suddenly, in the middle of game play, one of the prefects hit into the person mentioned above and they both succumbed to injury! The egoistic guy had a big cut on his eyebrow and blood was gushing out. Immediately, my guilty conscience was eating my insides. Had my hatred somehow caused the injury? I suddenly felt scared as I did not intend on this to happen. It was so scary it happened not too long after he spilled out his nasty words. =|
I was then subbed in to the game, and the game resumed. I can feel the negative vibes emerging from the other team. I then remembered his words that they are out to get us. Anger began to cloud my thoughts and I wasn't concentrating on the game. I haphazardly chased after the ball with the thought that I will not let the other team get it. That was pretty much impossible because it was obvious that my team mates and I are not seasoned players! I tried my best anyway with my anger fueling my determination. It was not the way it should be. As a result, I wasn't playing my best (since when was I good anyway?).
We lost anyway but we managed to walk away with 2 - 10+ points. Hah! At least we proved that cocky guy wrong. We got 2 shots! We're not as worthless as he thinks. The thing is, I have no idea why I was "quite sensitive" to his comments. It's not like I, or we, have done anything wrong, right? Sometimes, I do tend to wonder whether it is wise to do the right thing while the community has a different negative viewpoint.
Up until today, I still am somewhat affected by his lashes. I know it is insignificant now and I have nothing to do with it, but hearing it first-hand is an entirely different thing. Subconsciously, I probably am taking him rather seriously. I know I am so much better than him in so many ways, yet why must I succumb now and listen to him? I just don't get it! It's affecting my work performance (I have to finish my computer coursework for O Levels this weekend). I am bothered! =(
When my best friend came to console me and warned me that there are more evil people out there who will make biting remarks to me to purposely hurt me, I began to worry. I thought to myself that if I can't handle his comments, what more of other people who may hurl meaner and nastier insults to me?
Yesterday before a dinner for prefects, I was complaining to my maid that I can't find my long-sleeve shirt. I hate myself for being rude to her; I could have just asked her nicely where it is. The worse thing is that I found it on my brother's wardrobe by myself. It was so embarrassing! I was glad she said no more after that. I thank her for it. I should have gone to prepare for dinner earlier.
While I was at dinner, I was trying to get close to a certain prefect I am eying on recently. The way I tried to cross over the boundary of friendship into the unknown is a bit too rushy. So, I covertly followed around her and "annoy" her as much as possible without making it too obvious. After some time, when she is engrossed into the part, I have the feeling that I have been annoying. So I went to another close friend of mine and try to get her attention. I then stopped doing it when I have the feeling I have been a bit too annoying. It happened while I was IM-ing this person just now. I can't believe I can be so annoying at times. I should learn to keep my mouth shut at times!
There is still an issue which bothers me a little. The primary concern now is the computer coursework. I have barely completed 50% of the project, and I have to try and finish everything up by this weekend! I really doubt my abilities now. And yes, last minute rush again. When will I ever learn!
By the way, do anyone of you know something about Microsoft Access functions? I have a problem with it, and I need help on it! =( I have to apologize for blogging less frequently now. I got my hands tied up on my education and especially that computer coursework! =(