I have a family. They aren't perfect. Two of my family members have a fiery temperament.

My goodness, how I wish I were more proud and hold grudges against you two. It would make my life so much easier. I have to be such a nice guy. =(

You know what? They are family and I always love them both. Even though they can get on my nerves like once in a while. I can compromise. My mom can. I just wish my elder brother could (maybe he does and I'm not aware of it).

I wish I could write more, but I don't want to backstab my family. Not even here. I am feeling guilty even blogging about this. Man, this sucks! =P

Surprisingly, all is forgiven; grudges are forgotten. A long time ago already, even. The end. =)

EDIT 29 October 2007, 9:07 p.m.: Well, I did blog about it but I have hidden most of the blog post among comment tags. You can still view them, if you know how. =P I am feeling paranoid that one of my family members stumble upon this, and things wouldn't be really pretty. I was tossing and turning on my bed last night thinking of the consequences. Sorry, but I'm feeling a bit paranoid. =S

[+] There's more!

It's bad enough that this subject is sometimes over my head. It's even worse when you have forgotten the easy concepts you were supposed to know. That was what happened to me yesterday. I lost 3 or 4 marks from the refraction practical question. I thought it would be easy peasy, since we have done a few similar experiments during practical classes before.

I cannot believe I completely dismissed the normal line at the angles of incidence and refraction. Thus, my refraction angle is measured to be higher than the given angle of incidence. Not surprisingly, the refractive index of the glass prism is less than 1. The wise words of my Physics teacher kept on echoing in my brain: "There is no such object in this universe with a refractive index of < 1. If you get that for your practicals, then you are wrong."

I was definitely wrong. I couldn't do anything because my time limit for that question was up, and I had to move to the next experiment. The resistance question was also done rather badly. Apparently, my Physics teacher didn't realise the multimeter wasn't connected properly to the circuit, thus the reading obtained hovers at 2.70V despite the addition of resistors. It wasn't until half an hour of frustration later when I dared to twiddle with the circuit despite being told not to do so. After connecting the loose resistor (with unknown resistace) properly with the multimeter, the potential difference finally fluctuated when resistors were introduced to the circuit.

Somehow, I think everything was messed up. I switched the voltage of the power pack to 4V in order to give a 3V reading (we were told that the voltage would be around 3V, but initially, after fixing the circuit, the voltage dropped to 2.1V). This affected my graph. I was unable to answer the last 2 questions because my graph lines which were concave couldn't be extended low enough to find out the value of a resistor when the voltage is 0.5V. The last question was way out of my league. I couldn't figure a correct way of obtaining the value.

However, I was more (and very!) disappointed with my refraction experiment because I could do it! An easy 3 - 4 marks were lost just like that! Everyone could do that except for me. Woe is me! =( Oh man, there goes my chance of obtaining a hopefully A1 in Physics... =( I think I have to pull my socks up for Papers 1 and 2. It's really stupid. I wished I had studied well in advance on the refraction topic before going in to the laboratory.

One thing's for sure. I will never, ever forget Snell's Law and refraction ever again! I must meditate on this picture day and night, and burn this image into my head so that I will always remember it forever.



Hey, that picture from Google even has the same angle of incidence as my practical paper's! Oh my gosh! So that's the approximate answer. OH MAN! =(

The Computer Studies paper wasn't as bad as I feared, considering the fact that I just skimmed through the textbook the night before. I did do some studying a fortnight before, but that was like a few 15-minute sessions a week. =| I've got the exam jitters right before the exam. Yeah, my best friend was able to spontaneously answer questions my peers bombarded him. His answers were fluent and precise, of course. I freaked out as I thought my rather fragmented knowledge of the subject was good enough but apparently, when compared to his, it wasn't good enough. And I tried in vain to speed-read my textbook and pick up as much information as I can. He thought I remained quiet because I knew all of the answers. No, it was lack of.

Anyway, not long after, we had to go in to the exam class. I was still quite shaken about the practical test just two hours ago and I didn't think I was able to handle the paper well. Thank goodness the paper was "a walk in a park". I never liked to label exam papers as easy because there is this unspoken rule that whenever one says that, one will not do as well due to carelessness. =| Anyway, yes, the questions were alright. I think I will lose quite a number of marks because I wasn't able to answer some questions that correctly. I'm praying for an A1 in that paper, although I don't believe I can do it. =( I didn't exactly approach the paper with confidence.

So much for that. I can finally declare Computer Studies history. I doubt I'll be picking up the subject again for tertiary education. After half a decade of learning such a dry subject (I wished it was more interesting and more "up-to-date" =( ), I think I had had enough. I'll do my learning on the Internet the next time. =D

Anyway, I think these papers were an advance warning to me, because honestly, I have been taking things way too easy. Revisions are sporadic, while play times are frequent. I'm slacking off really badly and at the wrong time. Warrior Princess once said if you're not trying hard, you do not want something hard enough. I guess I'm not wanting good grades badly enough, and that is why I am not trying that hard. I think in a way, it's true.

I think I seriously need to rethink my actions and think of the consequences. But it is so hard to go cold turkey without the PC. =O I really must try. My future is at stake.

P.S. Wikipedia has a pretty good article on refraction if you're interested.

[+] There's more!

Everything is my mom, my mom, my mom! Arghhh! I can renew I.C. by myself and the man said you don't need the necessary documents which I think you store in the bank.

Why must you be away to perform religious duties at the time of my I.C. expiring? Do you want me to get fined for renewing at a later date which is only a few days. I'm sitting for 2 exams this Thursday and you won't be back until then. What if I am refused entry because my I.C. expired? You say it's okay, it's okay, just wait for me to come back, then we will renew it together. Man, I shall blame you if that happens for unnecessarily putting my future into jeopardy. Besides, I'm 17 and I am capable of doing this myself! =(

I hate to feel so dependent on people to carry out tasks! Oh, and the first process of renewing my I.C. sucks. There is no information given on where you can get registration forms and they aren't provided freely on the table. You have to request for it yourself personally. I dislike having to ask people for it. That is still alright. I didn't expect filling in a form, and so I didn't have a pen. Guess what the Immigration Department is lacking? Pens! =O

Since I did not have a pen and I do not know the necessary information (e.g. date of issue of birth certificate and passport, dad's citizenship certificate, my swear-in citizenship letter (?)), I had to go home to call my mom (forget about the expensive trunk calls!) up for the information and filling in the form.

Before that, I had to endure an hour plus for my transport, and I went hysteric at the Immigration Department. I was groaning and walking around looking for my car in vain. I was so angry because he had to come late (it wasn't his fault as there was a long line of people waiting) and I do not have a mobile phone! I'm so frustrated by the fact that I can't even place a simple phone call. Asking people around me to lend me their phones is out. In these days of paranoia, I could borrow and steal. That's the mentality. *sigh*

I was literally begging the air to magically give me a mobile phone. I even thought of resorting boarding the bus and go to the nearest commercial hub and get myself a cheap US$70 mobile phone! The public phone is out of question. None receives cash; only phone cards. Eeyaghh!

I went ballistic and I was at tethers of crying because I had no transport to go home! =( I'm stuck at some place and there isn't anything I can do. I feel helpless, and I hate feeling helpless. I nearly admitted myself into a mental institution when the car finally came. Unfortunately, I was a bit rude with the driver and I shouldn't have acted that way because it wasn't anyone's fault technically.

My mom had the guts to tell me to postpone renewing my I.C. Thanks so much. =( Why do you had to make me I.C. a month after my 12th birthday? You could have done that at most 2 weeks from then. Probably this will never happen. And you never guided me through the process. So here I am, stuck and not knowing what to do. And I wasted so much time renewing my I.C. for nothing.

MAN, THIS SUCKS! =( I have to wait for a few more days.

I'm running out of patience. This cannot wait.

[+] There's more!

Sporadic blogging beckons because it's that time of the month again - examinations! However, this time round, this is a very serious public exam (Cambridge GCE O Levels) which is a stepping stone to tertiary education. In other words, it's not worth screwing it up! =P Unfortunately, my studying odyssey isn't going too great with the sudden introductions of distractions around the house.

So what am I doing besides studying? Recently, I have just discovered Desperate Housewives. Yeap, it's that famous comedy-drama series. I like watching the few episodes of it when I was in Australia last year. It wasn't until now (great timing!) that I have the urge to watch it. I feel kind of embarrassed as a guy that I love that show and am watching it enthusiastically. I have to admit it is pretty addictive! I really love the plots and sub-plots that were woven so perfectly, and how the lives of four women were separate yet linked. Furthermore, it is a good portrayal of life. Love, happiness, fun, deceptions, betrayals, jealousy etc. You can learn a lot from it.

*sigh* And I have finished 3 seasons in a span of a few weeks after buying the DVDs. I can't wait for Season 4! =D I can't believe Star World is still showing Season 3 and Season 4 will not be out anytime soon. =(

I wished I was introduced to American series sooner. Seriously, I cannot believe they are so entertaining. Man, I think I'm weaned from cartoons. Hahaha! =P The next one I'm going to watch is definitely Heroes. A few of my friends have watched it, and they said it was great. I'll buy the DVDs after my exams are over so that I can watch Season 2 in time next year without feeling lost. Yay! I can't wait! =D

I also recently discovered Linux, the free operating system (OS). I have contemplated of upgrading to Windows Vista but after reading horrendous reviews about it only, I then knew Windows XP was so much better. Then comes the serendipity of Linux. I have heard of it before from a geek friend of mine. It wasn't until after some voracious research, I have thought of getting a distro.

I've downloaded Knoppix and I am currently using it via live CD. It has great GUI and it looks pleasingly aesthetic. It's a nice change from the boring XP look. I've enjoyed using it, so much so I'm planning to dual-boot my hard drive with a Linux distro and Windows XP (for my Windows games). More on this later when I have more time to review Linux.

Regarding my Grade 7 piano practical exam, I'm glad to say I passed... barely. I got a 101/150, which is 1 mark more than the mininum passing grade. Honestly, I wish I am happy about it but I'm not. *sigh* The other day, I went out for dinner with the prefects and on my table, the piano examinees were talking about their grades and sharing their experiences with piano.

"Oh, I got borderline merit."

"And I got borderline distinction."

Shut up! I'm so embarrassed to announce my marks. "Eheh, I got a borderline pass?" Yet, my teacher was pretty okay with my performance. My confidence with piano sank down really hard that night, and until today, I am subconciously affected by it. I think I have reached my limit in musicality. I can't get any better. Not with practices that I am reluctant to do. Not surprisingly, I'm not taking Grade 8. And that is my own decision. My fellow music prodigies decided to go for Grade 8, like immediately. I feel like doing a face which says, "Screw you!". I'm sorry to say that, but yes, I feel so inferior compared to these superhumans.

Furthermore, I learned that night that piano teachers are freaky. They hyperventilate and lecture you when you make a mistake during classes and during performances. My friend that day told me that a piano teacher went ballistic because her student did not pass his exams.

CRAZY, I tell you! =O I'm starting to think I'm lucky to have such a nice piano teacher.

Everyone MUST pick up piano. It's the norm, especially in Asia. I took it up when I was young voluntarily. I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm so doubtful of my own musical abilities now. I'm slowly losing my grip. Is it worth to bother finishing Grade 8? People say I shouldn't stop (at least I know they would say that) since I'm near the top but I think endowing myself as a Grade 8 pianist is like labelling a high school student a university graduate. I'm just not cut for it. I just want to play for fun. Not as a profession. I just wish people around me will understand that. I don't want to quit, but that somehow influences me to.

The topic on music went on for quite some time. It was the worst time of my life. As a musician, I can't connect with other musicians. I think it's a bit tad sad. It is a mistake if you suddenly bring up a topic about piano. I'll shy away and try to change topic. =(

The topic went on to swimming. Okay, it is good. At least it's something I can do adequately and can relate too. It went straight on to competitive swimming. Oh great, here we go again. =S I learnt that swimming coaches can be as crazy as piano teachers. My friend had a coach which made him do drills after drills, after drills. If you fail to turn up for even a day of practice session, they'll decapitate you first before asking questions. You have to breathe swimming, eat swimming, play swimming and sleep swimming! =O

At that moment, I was thinking, what the hell is wrong with society? Nuts, I say! When it comes to competition, everyone is inconsiderate. No excuses, no frills. Just do it. If you can't do it, I'll make you do it.

AHHHH!

Again, I think I'm lucky to have such a nice coach. At least he seems nice...

I have a friend, or rather an academic rival. He is one of the scientific brainiacs in class. It's no surprise since "his mom is a Physics teacher". Guess what? Teachers are surprised when he fails to get 80 and above for Chemistry and Physics. His mom gets disappointed, edgy, frustrated and murderous when he gets bad results, which is pretty good to most people, even me. He feels sad because he is about to get punished.

I'm glad my mom isn't anywhere like that. She loves me for who I am and my current capabilities. =)

Just when you think your are happy with yourself. Then, there are people out there who goes on and on about their disappointment in not achieving perfection. Don't you just wish there was some way to silence their neighing?

I'm a hypocrite. I'm like that too, only at times. Still, there is a limit to it, right? It is one way of improving ourselves by competing. Too much is unhealthy...

*sigh*

I must concentrate on studies first. That is my main priority. I'll worry about piano and swimming and others after exams, when there is plenty of time to do it. Then again, maybe I won't.

I think this blog post has went off tangent. Lol!

[+] There's more!

Dear blog,

Are we a broken family? =( Everyone doesn't trust each other now, and I'm really sad. My mother thinks she has failed to be a good mother. It's not your fault, Mummy. My brothers and I have turned out to be your biggest disappointments. I don't bloody care about them anymore. They don't take responsibility in their actions. They're such dickheads.

Mummy and Daddy, I'm really sorry if I hadn't been a good son to you. I haven't been talking to you much ever since I have entered my teenage years. I know you missed my talkativeness when I was a kid. So that you know, even though I may be quiet, but I don't hate you. I love you very, very much. And it tears my heart to say that, because it took me a freaking 17 years to realise that you have brought me up well. And I am forever indebted to you.

I should tell you about this. Maybe some other time.

And Mummy, you are a great mother. I always look up to everything you do. You have flaws, but you are only human. My brothers cannot accept that. I sometimes can't, but I do. And I understand. Because you think your efforts are in vain. Your love isn't reciprocated.

I know. Because I'm your son.

I just want all of this silly feuds to be over. Not at this time when I have exams. I wish my elder brother didn't come back at this time. He distracts me, and his presence seems to start up silly arguments. Just want a happy family...

Love, that frolicsome kid.

[+] There's more!